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abutalha911
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Posted on Sat, Mar 03, 2007 07:41

I?m a brother, who is happily married with a wife (who happens to be six years older than me) and one son, who is 4 months old (masha Allah) However I seek a PRACTISING sister who would be like to marry me and become my second wife and life companion.

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Posted on Fri, May 04, 2007 07:04

Dear Sister sab-sab01, Thanks for the explanation. You did not upset me, but I responded to your comment as it appeared to me. About the brother, we can only take him for his words. He said he is 21, happily married and have a child. What more can a person need? We all worry about the misunderstanding and the misuse of the real essence and the true teachings of Islam. Men like this brother make Islam seems all about giving men the right to marry more than one wife.


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Khalid2043
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Posted on Fri, May 04, 2007 05:51

As salaamu alaykum, Brothers and Sisters. May we all pray to Allah for his continued protection in his deen. We also need to pray for this brother. He has indentified a need in his life for a second wife. We pray that his intentions are pure and are not of this world (dunya). We also pray that he will be honest with his self, His wife now and his future wife. Also not to let negitive feedback from us allow the shayton in his ear to change his honesty. We all have to realize that Islam is for all time(even nowadays). Things in the Quran and Sunnah are for our protection even in the time we live now. Plural marriage is a protection also. We have to be careful that our nafs (personal desires) do not be a part of our everyday thoughts about things that are Halal. Don't get me wrong poligamy is not going to be easy for this brother, but lets not beat him up over something that is halal. Halal is Halal whether we like it or not, the same is for the haraam. Questions should be: Brother can you handle your islamic obligations and have 2 wives? Brother can you make it a priority to keep your family together when the fitnah of having two wives become great? Brother can you swear by Allah that you will not have any of your family starving from your dicission? Brother have you thought out your equality and understand what that means? Brother do you know that you will have to answer all your dealing with every situation to Allah on the day of judgement? Brothers and sisters, Nothing is wrong with Poligamy(it was a practice of the prophet (pbuh) and having discomfort or not liking it is saying that there is something wrong with the prophet therefore saying there is something wrong with Allah) there is only things wrong with people that practices it. We have to also understand that when we say our shahada we have to remember that there is only one Allah that is it. We as women cannot consider ourselfs a one like an illah. Brothers we cannot treat our dealings with our wives as illahs because that is Kufr and will not be forgiven. May Allah keep us careful. Ameen


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Rimah83
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Posted on Wed, May 02, 2007 20:07

also if you eal justly between 2 just marry one...you will never be able to ealjustly in other words ne man is that perfect be happy with what you have but if the situation permits and requiers it for the better of society...not your selfish greedy self ...marry a woman who needs it.the information is clear and fair for all those who dont wish to gain personally from it.


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Rimah83
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Posted on Wed, May 02, 2007 20:07

so you have no need for a secon wife just desire? the conditions for polygamy are clear. greed wont be rewarded brother, your uman and will never be able to deal justly between them to take ALLAhs advice an stick to one becuse if you treat 2 women unjustly becuse one just wasent enough your not doing your job as a muslim man...so if you need a second wife at least choose an older devorced or widdowed woman who need the support.


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Rimah83
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Posted on Wed, May 02, 2007 20:02

also if you eal justly between 2 just marry one...you will never be able to ealjustly in other words ne man is that perfect be happy with what you have but if the situation permits and requiers it for the better of society...not your selfish greedy self ...marry a woman who needs it.the information is clear and fair for all those who dont wish to gain personally from it.


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Rimah83
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Posted on Wed, May 02, 2007 19:58

salam bro your right it is a very strong sunnah...but do you thisnk the siter in question is about to share a GOOd muslim? he has no valid reason for wanting a second wife he is happy has a child and in all fairness will never be able to deal justly with more than one woman...so far he has ne and he is already treatingher unfairly. There are reasons polygamy is alowed an just having another woman aroun is not one of them if it were Allah swt shurly would have given women the same privilage for he is rahman an he is raheem Dont give islam a bad name by turing it into a practice soly beniffiting a mans desires the conditions are clear and what you are doing is the same as what the anti islamist o...they take a wor ignore its contex and run ith it for there benifit.


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Rimah83
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Posted on Wed, May 02, 2007 19:55

salam bro your right it is a ery stron sunnah...but do you thisnk the siter in question is about to share a GOOd muslim? he has no valid reason for wanting a second wife he is happy has a child and in all fairness will never be able to deal justly with more than one woman...so far he has ne and he is already treatingher unfairly. There are reasons polygamy is alowed an just having another woman aroun is not one of them if it were Allah swt shurly would have given women the same privilage for he is rahman an he is raheem


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sab_sab01
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Posted on Mon, Apr 30, 2007 07:00

Dear Sister Zoba04, Assalam Alaikum Wa RahmatuAllah , I really am sorry if my comments seemed as if they were meant for your goodself and if they made you upset .. I spoke in general. Here in this case I think give the author at least 40 excuses, maybe he just does not want to expose his wife online, maybe she is impotent, maybe she has a long menses (ignoring other possible reasons) ... etc. And you are absolutely right about wives' rights in Islam but remember they can give up their rights willingly. Jazaki Allah Khair , Correct me if I am wrong ... Assalam Alaikum Wa RahmatuAllah Wa Barakatoh


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sab_sab01
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Posted on Mon, Apr 30, 2007 06:58

Dear Sister Zoba04, Assalam Alaikum Wa RahmatuAllah , I really am sorry if my comments seemed as if they were meant for your goodself and if they made you upset .. I spoke in general. Here in this case I think give the author at least 40 excuses, maybe he just does not want to expose his wife online, maybe she is impotent, maybe she has a long menses (ignoring other possible reasons) ... etc. And you are absolutely right about wives' rights in Islam but remember they can give up their rights willingly. Jazaki Allah Khair , Correct me if I am wrong ... Assalam Alaikum Wa RahmatuAllah Wa Barakatoh


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Posted on Sun, Apr 29, 2007 14:02

Salam Sister, Please read the whole comment. Istagfaru Allah, "who said Allah makes something funny??????" I still think this man request is funny! That doesn't make me against Allah laws by any chance. We all know the great majority of men who mary more than one wife, are those rich men who would only marry very young women. They do it for their own interests and not for the right reasons. This guy is only 21 and he is already looking for a second wife. I wonder by the age of 50, how many women would he want to have? Doesn't Islam teach us self control and self disciplines? I am against using our fair religion and Allah laws to benefit one group of the society (men) at the expense of the other (women). He said he is happily married and he has a child. Where is the necessity here? He is looking for someone younger than him. That means, he is not helping a widow, a divorcee or a single old woman getting married. Beside, his second marriage would not be legal in UK. So, his second wife will not have any legal protections under the law. Do you think this is what GOD would want for a second wife? No rights and No protections. And yes, if he is really following prophet Muhamed (pbuh) footsteps , he would want to marry a woman older than him by many years or less. He would not be complaining about his wife being older than him. He would also want to marry a widow with kids who have no father and help raise those kids. The allowance is for solving social problems and helping with the well being of many members of our society, but not satisfying greedy needs of one person. This is justice and fairness in Islam. By the way, If I was his wife, I would want a divorce and I would be looking to marry another man who I can have for my own with no body to share. That would be my Islamic lawfull right and, I wouldn't be there under his mercy and greed. In my home country marrying more than one wife is very rare. 99% of the men who do that are very rich, and they only marry very young women. Widows and divorcee have 1% chance of getting married again. So, it is only done for men pleasure and greed and have nothing to do with spirit of Islam. I have been in North America for many years, I have only seen very few men who are married to 2 wives. All of them have one wife here, and the other one will be in their home country. Because polygamy is againist the Law in North America. If you have read my whole comment (which I think you have not), you would have found all the points I have written about the reasons behind the allowance of more than one wife. I 'm copying it here for you to read, "Some of the reasons of the allowance for a man to marry more than one woman are that if the first wife is incapable of bearing children. Or if the first wife is ill and instead of divorcing her and leaving her alone, he could marry a second wife and remain next to his first wife, and so on. This allowance also solves the problem of a widow who needs a husband to care for her but does not wish for an unmarried young man, similar to a divorced woman with children. This allowance may solve a social problem which arises from the high proportion of good women who want to marry in comparison to able men. This is a common problem which increases particularly in the aftermath of wars and the like." "All of us are familiar with the condition in which Islam lays down the rules for the man when he wants to have more than one wife. He has to have the confidence on his part that he will be able to deal equitably with his wives in the matter of providing food, housing, clothing, and expenses, and that he will also be able to divide his time between them. Any man who doubts that he will be able to fulfill all these obligations with justice and equality would be prohibited by Allah Almighty from marrying more than one woman." "Allah Almighty who says: But if you fear that you will not be able to do justice (among them), then (marry) only one..." (An-Nisa': 3). Allah Almighty says "And you will not be able to do justice among (your) wives, however much you may wish to. But do not turn away (from one of them) altogether..." (An-Nisa': 129). "


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sab_sab01
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Posted on Sun, Apr 29, 2007 02:49

My Dear Sisters , Assalam Alaikom Wa RahmatuAllah Wa Barakatoh, Allah never allowed something ridiculous or funny , there are always benefits for humans behind that ,but these are our hypermetropic eyes which miss seeing them !! Most important benefits of polygamy are the social ones (mention not the medical, economical and behavioral ones) : 1. Polygamy is the only solution to the increasing percentage of unmarried women in our society. 2. Is not it better for a woman to be a second wife instead of waiting for the right man and maybe falling in Haram ? 3. Polygamy is a kind of joint liability and solidarity in the society , if a man takes a widow, orphan, divorced or just any other single woman as a second wife and provides them shelter, food and respect equally, what is bad about it ?? 4. Is not the situation going to be better than it is in the West , where she either makes Haram relationships , traps others' husbands who may neglect or leave their families and children for her ?? 5. It makes women more creative, more productive and constructive towards themselves, their children and the society , since it saves them time to be so. It gives them private life to play their part in life . 6. Do you want him to throw his first wife on the street first , then to marry another one ? Suppose she is happy with him but he is not much happy with her. Remember Islam, unlike Christianity, allows divorce in case there is no compatibility. Or do you want him to kill her so he can think of living with someone more compatible ? I do agree that age is not a good excuse for polygamy but why asking him to marry one of the age of Sayedah Khadijah and not allowing him to marry one of Sayedah Ayesha?s age ? May Allah guide us to the right path .. Assalam Alaikom Wa RahmatuAllah Wa Barakatoh.


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Posted on Fri, Apr 27, 2007 17:38

Your request is very funny; whenever I see the title I laugh and wonder! Anyway, If you are making excuses of your wife being older than you! I am sure that you know Khadiga (God be pleased with her), Prophet Mohamed first wife?s, was 15 years older than him. I f you are happy with your current wife from whom you have a child, why disturb her life? I think Islam cares more about the well being of the whole family than satisfying selfish needs of a husband. I don?t think the wisdom behind the permission of more than one wife was meant for the sake of pleasing men. Beside why do you want to practice polygamy while it is illegal in the UK? As a Muslim you should follow the law of the land that you live in. Allah Almighty who says: But if you fear that you will not be able to do justice (among them), then (marry) only one..." (An-Nisa': 3). Allah Almighty says "And you will not be able to do justice among (your) wives, however much you may wish to. But do not turn away (from one of them) altogether..." (An-Nisa': 129). All of us are familiar with the condition in which Islam lays down the rules for the man when he wants to have more than one wife. He has to have the confidence on his part that he will be able to deal equitably with his wives in the matter of providing food, housing, clothing, and expenses, and that he will also be able to divide his time between them. Any man who doubts that he will be able to fulfill all these obligations with justice and equality would be prohibited by Allah Almighty from marrying more than one woman. Some of the reasons of the allowance for a man to marry more than one woman are that if the first wife is incapable of bearing children. Or if the first wife is ill and instead of divorcing her and leaving her alone, he could marry a second wife and remain next to his first wife, and so on. This allowance also solves the problem of a widow who needs a husband to care for her but does not wish for an unmarried young man, similar to a divorced woman with children. This allowance may solve a social problem which arises from the high proportion of good women who want to marry in comparison to able men. This is a common problem which increases particularly in the aftermath of wars and the like.


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Destinydaisy
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Posted on Fri, Apr 27, 2007 15:11

this brother got to be kidding...seriously. there are brothers who can't even get a wife so say alhamdolillah that you have one. ;)


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fatila
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Posted on Fri, Apr 27, 2007 11:39

Brother: It is completely ridiculous! Sister Blueeyes36 is right! You must have a valuable reasons to marry another wife. Polygamy is allowed only again for specific reasons!! Any Good Muslim Brothers should not encourage this type of behavior. It is truly being so selfish toward your wife and your son. Is your current wife a bad woman, a bad housewife, handicap, unable to give you another child, beside being 6 years older than you! Unfortunately, few brothers use our beautiful and respectful religion to satisfy their personal needs. I found it very sad and completely immoral. Again, this is just my opinion. Allah Maak!


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Destinydaisy
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Posted on Wed, Apr 25, 2007 16:22

calmcool3 Regardless whether is encourage in the Sunnah or not..Is not realistic. we are humans..How can men be fare to more than one wife?


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calmcool3
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Posted on Wed, Apr 25, 2007 06:39

Taking more than one wife is a strong sunna, and it is the best way to remove the evil of our society. Why, should a good women put up with a bad man. It is better for her to share a good muslim, than to deal a fool just to have a man. Allah said in the quran, " Good man for good women, bad man for bad women. The real problem is not taking more than one wife, however the problem is the understanding of the sunna and how to apply it. If anyone were to look at chapter 2 verse 240, chp 4, verse 4 and chp 5, verse 5. Allah always mention wives, not wife. There is reason for that. The prophet (pbuh) said whoever obeys me has obeyed Allah. Whoever disobeys me has disobeyed allah. Islam saves and protects women, not destroyes them.


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Destinydaisy
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Posted on Mon, Apr 23, 2007 12:19

you kidding me! second wife in this time and age? give me a break (2020 lol). All the men who are looking second go behind Qur'aan and the Sunnah even though they know really well they can't be fare to more than one wife. So what could be the reason for seeking second wife? that is anyone's guess. I'm not gonna go and say it all the reasons......


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mahira200
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Posted on Mon, Apr 23, 2007 09:55

Salams, hey everyone I think this brother is looking for a wife but not others' opinions on his choice. Why make him defend or justify himself on his own blog? Good luck to you Brother that you find your new partner.


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baqi9
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Posted on Mon, Apr 02, 2007 14:51

As salaamu alaikum, It is a highly recommened practice by an Nabi SAWS. He SAWS told the sahaabah that went and spoke with his wives about his practices in the home that 1. I sleep st night and I pray at night. 2. I fast and I break my fast. 3. I marry "women". Notice he SAWS didn't say I marry "a" woman. Then he SAWS went on to say, "and whoever doesn't follow "our" way is not of us. Obviously the "our" is referring to the sahaabah. Also I'm only writing the jest of the translation. Another point. An Nabi SAWS told the men to marry and have "plenty" of children, because he SAWS wants to have a large ummah at the gathering. How is it that this would not become a burden for the average sister? Another point. Lots of people read the Qur'aan without checking the tafsir on what they've read. So in the end things seem or may seem one way when in fact your waaay off. The fact is that Allah made the taking of 1 wife the exception in His ayah. How people conclude it to be the other way around is beyond me. The rule that Allah set was 2, 3, or 4. In another ayah that most sister (and please sister note that I am not picking on you, this a serious matter that is part of our deen, so everyone's feelings have no meaning when the deen is concerned. In other words the haqq is the haqq, no matter if we like it or not, it is from Allah) talks about "if you can be just" that's part of 1 ayah, and the other ayah is the one that states, "you will never be able to be just...". So how is it that we are to look st this? Can I marry more than one or not? The answer is yes, because the last ayah isn't talking about tangible things, it's talking about matters of the heart. I don't know why most sisters, and some brothers overlook the narration where Fatima was sent to an Nabi SAWS in 'aaisha's house to complain for the other wives about how affection for them wasn't being given as it was for 'aaisha. (sorry I don't remember the full reply) an Nabi SAWS said, Ya Fatima, don't you love who I love? It may be in this narration or in another one that an Nabi SAWS explained that issues of the heart are "not" held against you. Allah tells us that He is the controller of the heart. And remember that an Nabi SAWS said that he is the most just in treating his wives justly. This is our deen Walhamdulilah, do not omit that which you may think your heart can't bear for only accepting that which your nafs desire. Remember an Nabi SAWS told the ansaar that were hurt because of his not marrying their women, that your women are too jealous. So sisters take a note of this, and think about yourselves. Are you in that too jealous portion?


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