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HELP! Sort by:
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Posted on Tue, Jun 20, 2006 06:42

I need your advice brothers and sisters. My friend Jamila fell in love with a non-muslim guy. When her parents learned about this, they immediately planned her marriage to a muslim guy whom she hasn't even met. What's the proper thing to do? Should she follow her heart and marry the non-muslim guy or be miserable and marry a muslim guy she doesn't love? Please help so i can advice her on what to do. Thanks! May Allah bless us all!


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lolly
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Posted on Sat, Jun 24, 2006 21:40

Assalamo Alaykom Sister, I am quite surprised at some of the responses here, to your question. It seems everyone is suggesting your firend should either marry her hearts choice or marry a man her parents have suggested. Guess what!!!!! She can do both and niether. First of all marriage to a non Muslim is out the question, but marriage to a man she does not love is also out of the question. So in simple terms she should not marry the non Muslim but she does not have to marry the other guy either. In all honesty and with all due respect, I do not think your friend is truely in love and here is why: Many people think they are in love because a person makes them feel good, or makes them laugh or does things for them etc. In my opinion that is enfatuation and lust, not love. True lasting love comes from admiration and respect to the person's whole being, practice and belief. So if this man is not Muslim, how can she admire and respect what he believes??? How can she admire, repect, and trust a man who's heart is not with Allah??? I would urge you to ask your firend to think about that. what she is feeling is not the stuff marriage is based on or what keeps people happy in a long successful relationship. Again please forgive me, I am not judjing or underestimating your firend's feelings but would really just urge her to consider that when she gives her heart and life to a man, he should be worthy of it. The fisrt thing to make a man worthy is his faith, because that is the only thing that will keep her safe and happy with him. Even if a man is a Muslim it is not enough, she needs to see the strength of his faith in his actions and character if she is considering marriage. As hard as it may be (and it will be a very difficult time), your friend should end all ties with this non Muslim man and get over her pain by turning to Allah for forgiveness and guidance. With time and patience, inshaallah, Allah will lead her to a good Muslim man who will be truely worthy of her love. So in simple terms, in answer to your question, your friend should always follow her heart but not when her heart is contradicting or going against Allah's laws. We should all always seek to strenghten our hearts with iman (faith), so that when our hearts make choices, those choices are pleasing to Allah. May allah forgive me if I offended or mislead in any way, and may allah have mercy and forgiveness on us all inshaallah.


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baynabayna
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Posted on Sat, Jun 24, 2006 20:42

you will defenetly love that muslim husband,trust me.


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Nasiib
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Posted on Thu, Jun 22, 2006 19:58

Bismilaah sister your question is really N/A because it's like parents vs non_Muslim so if she wanna chose a Non_Muslim which is against Islam and her parents. so let it be. but if wanna success she should fellow her parent's wish. may Allah Bless us All


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aries76
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Posted on Thu, Jun 22, 2006 05:24

"Give not your daughters in marriage to idolaters till they believe, for lo! a believing slave is better than an idolater though he please you" Surah 11.(221) "O ye who believe! Be staunch in justice, witnesses for Allah, even though it be against yourselves or (your) parents or (your) kindred, whether (the case be of a rich man or a poor man, for Allah is nearer un to both (than ye are). So follow not passion lest ye lapse (from truth) and if ye lapse or fall away, then lo! Alla is ever Informed of what ye do. " Surah IV. 135 First of all I don't really know much on this subject but I wanted to reply as it sounds urgent and maybe every comment helps. Islam doesn`t approve forced marriage and it prefers marriage between believers. The Quran mentions men can marry "women of the scriptures" but it doesn`t mention women not to marry "men of the scriptures" only not to marry "idolaters".. I think their reaction is erratic and shows that it`s is based on fear and tradition and not God, truth or righteousness. Your friend can explain to her parents asking them to understand that she can???t marry someone she doesn???t approve just like she understand that they don???t approve of her current partner. You friend doesn`t really lose out if she agrees to meet the men her parents have found as potential partners. This might calm them down. She can suggest to them she would like to find her own Muslim partner and ask them to be patient and maybe even give them feedback/update which might please them. Her current love for her partner might not last the test of time.. and if it`s meant to be then in the end they might end up together after everything but for now maybe they can communicate with each other truthfully and maybe take some time off to think things over. If she ends up marrying someone else due to this pressure it won`t be fair on her husband or herself but on the other hand if she marries a muslim she likes on her own free will because she thinks it`s best then maybe God will bless her and it might be right for her. Every problem has a solution so if she can look at this in terms of solutions, rather than concentrating on the problem and let her parents know as well then maybe it should avoid pointless arguments, stress and worry. Obviously I don`t know what`s the right or wrong answer so she should pray to Alla for guidance so that He can guide her and she should take time out to think, study Islam, do some research and then make her own mind.


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AbdulSamed2008
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Posted on Thu, Jun 22, 2006 02:00

asalamu aleykum sister, a muslim woman is not allowed to mary a non-muslim.If she does it is kufr(rebellion against Allah). let her marry the muslim.Marriages which are done for the pleasure of the ego dont last long. if she will be happy is yet to be seen. I have great doubt that a believing woman falls for a man who is not muslim.


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Dallas007
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Posted on Wed, Jun 21, 2006 15:11

Dear Sister. My friend went through the same thing I pleaded to her to think about her actions, her family, her deen. Love is a power thing. Half of me says be true to yourself, the other half says be true to your deen. But I do not believe she should be rush in marriage, she already heart broken as it is. May Allah have mercy on her as she walk her path


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whossane
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Posted on Wed, Jun 21, 2006 14:25

Fathima, there is nothing to think at all the thing is that she had done a sin loving a non muslim guy and the second one she will do is disobey her parents and later on she will be in to great sin, Think fathima no parents want to spoiling their son/daughters life they want them to be happy always so they would have planned a better future for her ask her to forget what she had done, do tauba. atleast obeying her parents words she can get ride of all the past sins Khuda Hafiz Faiyaz Hussain


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HamduRabbi
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Posted on Wed, Jun 21, 2006 11:50

Are we being victims of Shaytan's whispers and deceits? Have we been living too long in the western world to the point of forgetting the basic principles of our deen? We should know that Allah (SWT)expressly forbid a muslima to marry a non-muslim. There will be no happiness there. Even if there were, again under Shaytan's deceits, we are only travelers in this dunya which is a short resting place. Our destiny is Al Akhira, the everlasting. He who, by the grace and merci of Allah (SWT) earns his place in Jannah is the one blessed with true happiness. He who let himself be misled by Shaytan and find himself in hell fire will be the ultimate loser. That will be the true misery. The Holy Prophet (SAWS) is attributed as saying, "a king or a powerful man who had all his desires fulfilled in this dunya will be dipped for a second in hell fire and then will be asked: Had you had any pleasure in your previous life. Because of the pain and suffering he felt in hell, he will answer: No, not the least. One of the poorest man in this dunya who lived his life while deprived of any pleasure, but who obeyed Allah (SWT)'s commands, will be dipped for a second in paradise, and then he will be asked, had you had any displeasure in your previous life? Because of the bliss of Jannah, he will have forgotten all his previous suffering. He will answer, No I had no displeasure whatsoever. Allah (SWT)says repeatedly in the Holy Qur'an "Shaytan is our declared ennemy". His only purpose is to lead us by deceit to hell fire. May Allah protect us from Shaytan and from committing acts contrary to the divine commmands. May Allah (SWT) have merci on us, and by his Rahmah, forgive our sins and admit us into his Jannat ul Firdaws. I pray for your friend so that she finds true guidance from Allah (swt) who alone can open her heart to what is right for her sake and well being in this life and in Al Akhirah. Ameen.


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AbouMohamed
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Posted on Wed, Jun 21, 2006 11:37

Dear sister, You must know that marriage non-Muslim to Muslim woman is prohibited in Islamic law (Sharia),and vice versa, Muslim man can married non-Muslim woman lawful in Islamic law (Sharia). There is no options more than one she must married Muslim man and she will love him and she will not be repented. Abdul-hady


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sadira
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Posted on Wed, Jun 21, 2006 11:23

the proper thing to do is to follow the parents advice but then did ur friend xplain to her parents about the whole situation eg;will the guy be converting to Islam? marrying a guy frm another faith needs alot of adjustments frm both sides ur friend need to be fair to her in-laws as well


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