Muslim dating   FREE Sign up   Sign in   Search   Blog / Forum   Help / Faq  
 
Muslim Blogs > Fatima22's blogs > Avoiding Handshakes from Males.....?
Avoiding Handshakes from Males.....? Sort by:
Author
fatima22
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 319
Posted on Wed, Sep 20, 2006 00:45

We working muslimahs are sometimes faced with this situation whereby at a formal social function, you are being introduced to some VIP guests, example, the CEO of the organisation, a renowned professor, or in my case, even a government minister.. and these non muslim guys are genuinely ignorant about us not being able to shake hands with them....How do we POLITELY reject their gesture without EMBARASSING them in public?? Or another situation when you have to go on stage for some award or prize giving ceremony and the norm is to shake the hand of the award presenter when he hands the award/prize to you? Note, the aim here is not to embarrass the gentleman when his outstretched hand is waiting for you to offer yours to return the hand shake..... Of course, if given the chance and availabilty of time, i'd gladly elaborate the full reason... but for those spur of the moment introductions, what would you suggest? I had resorted to holding firmly to my sandwich or drink...or in the case of the prize receiving ceremony, even 'accidently' dropping my certificate....but i may not be lucky to escape the situation all the time... (What if the prize was a crystal vase or a glass momento!? :p )


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
fatima22
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 319
Posted on Mon, Apr 02, 2007 11:54

Salams, But i have heard this being told to me often enough from muslim brothers and sisters, that: ---- If there was really no ill INTENTION, it is not considered a haram! ------ The favourite example they often use is that if after taking wudhu, and the muslim brother ACCIDENTLY touched or was touched by a female, his wudhu is still valid as he had no premeditated intention, and he need not retake his wudhu...Likewise if a non mulsim who is unaware of our religious beliefs, extends his hand out of genuine courtesy, then we should not embarrass him in public by refusing to return the handshake... What is the consensus in this?


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
baqi9
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 99
Posted on Sun, Apr 01, 2007 14:22

As salaamu alaikum, Insha Allah plan to attend these events by contacting the offices of these kufr and informing them that it is forbidden to shake hands with a non-mahram. That you will speak, but not touch. Explain why and that it has nothing to do with disliking them or whatever.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Barakaat
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 11
Posted on Thu, Mar 29, 2007 22:28

Salaa.... i think thats a great idea Sister Excaliber.. to acknowledge the greeting without having any contact is a polite way of exchanging greetings... Way to go!!!!!! I shall greet people in this Indian manner form now on... Cheers!!


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
jlseagull
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 17
Posted on Mon, Mar 26, 2007 03:00

Touche!...Lady, I like your style!


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
fatima22
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 319
Posted on Mon, Mar 26, 2007 01:43

Gosh, jlseagull...it could have been! Were you the one wearing a shirt and a pair of pants?!


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
jlseagull
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 17
Posted on Sun, Mar 25, 2007 05:09

When I was still new to the Muslim culture, a lady handed me a serviette when I held out my hand to her after being intoduced! ...Don't presume that was you, Fatima?! LOL!


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
fatima22
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 319
Posted on Fri, Mar 16, 2007 13:12

Assalamualaikum Recently i attended a formal function and again this similar situation arose. I was introduced to a member from the Royal Family and he extended his hand. Fortunately i was holding a plate of cakes and just excused myself by gesturing at the cake i was holding. He understood and did not make a fuss about it but after our converstaion, when he walked away, the host of the function who happened to be a muslim brother, remarked to me........"It would have been alright to return the handshake...you know! He is a high ranking person....how could you have embarrassed him by rejecting his handshake?? Afterall he had no bad intentions. It was just formality sake. In Islam, IF THERE WAS NO BAD INTENTION, IT IS NOT AGAINST THE LAW!"..... He then added, "If I was presented to a Female Royal Member and she offered her hand, I too would have to return the handshake!!" I replied that being a high ranking person and a muslim, he should know better than to offer a handshake to a female! But I wonder....is this correct?? Specially the part about the intention......?


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Excaliber
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 13
Posted on Thu, Mar 15, 2007 07:43

hi, all, I have a suggestion why not do what indians do, is instead of shaking hands, put your hands together, this is not only the symbol for indians but can be for any human, which stands for all souls are one....then the non muslim have no choice but to follow and do the same, this will create a chain reaction and all the world will be greeting with putting their hands together and saying we are all one soul...Ameen..


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Mayakhan
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 3
Posted on Sat, Mar 03, 2007 23:27

I disagree with the idea of wearing the gloves or the knights armour. If its said for us not to shake hands with the non-mehram, then may be we shouldn't. Whats wrong with being honest? May be what we should do is simply come clean and tell everyone that we can or can not shake hands with men. Cuz by wearing gloves, we are only making a fool out of ourselves. Imagine 90 degree, its hot in the room and you are wearing gloves. Way to go einstein.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
fatima22
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 319
Posted on Fri, Oct 06, 2006 07:09

Aslmkm Just wanted to share another suggestion from a friend that i could put a small bandage round my right hand, so pple would refrain from **hurting** me with a handshake, thinking i had an injury on my hand..LOL. This would less attract as wearing gloves in Asia is uncommon. Unlike in Europe, I did wear gloves and it is quite common, especially in winter, so no one think any different. Maybe it could also be helpful for the ladies here...


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
fatima22
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 319
Posted on Tue, Oct 03, 2006 05:45

Aslmkm all Thanks all for your replies and genuine concern.... I solved the problem by asking a friend to go on stage on my behalf. But i also got myself a pair of gloves to attend formal functions!! maasalam fatima


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
JeNnaa
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 24
Posted on Thu, Sep 21, 2006 22:24

salam everyone, fatima, i think this situation is pretty emergency that u need to use hand gloves no matter what because if u shake the male hands in the event u want to collect the prize without wearing gloves, its definetely haram as skin contacts. When u said, "The thought of using gloves did occur to me until someoned said that this is also not permitted. They said we are not allowed to be in any physical contact with males at all even if protected with a covering, unless for emergency cases like saving a life. Otherwise it will be like saying we still could sit side by side a male with shoulders touching as we have our garments in between!"-imagine this-yourself in a crowd doing your haj' pilgrim tawaf with alot of people be it women or men of course in this event, confirm plus gurantee people will knock on u or u knock on people as in pysical contact but still u r wearing the cloth cover without making any skin contact so does this still means haram? then again u have to remember ALLAH knows well what situation you are in and HE is the MOST UNDERSTANDING so therefore under your kind of situation, this is the best way-wearing gloves-because at least u can stil shake the male hand as in not making him a fool in front of the public and u too at the safe end. Thats y sometimes when i do research what i felt and truly understand is that ISLAM is everything but the teachings are quite different- some tends to be flexible but still follow by the book and some tends to be extremist just like some extremist muslims that dont want to have tv/computers/radio because to them this is a form of sins to have one as they believe entertainment are sinful but to those who are not extremist muslims, the reason y we need to have tv/computers/radio are because we need to see whats the update news and whats been update which practically its logic in ISLAM to always keep on updating about life. So u see fatima, most of us here agree that u can wear gloves but if u still feel half hearted maybe u can check with not only one imam to be precised but at least 3 imams....


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
fatima22
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 319
Posted on Thu, Sep 21, 2006 10:25

Aslmkm Thanks for all your replies. The thought of using gloves did occur to me until someoned said that this is also not permitted. They said we are not allowed to be in any physical contact with males at all even if protected with a covering, unless for emergency cases like saving a life. Otherwise it will be like saying we still could sit side by side a male with shoulders touching as we have our garments in between! So i was not sure and decided to hear your views.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
suardin
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 12
Posted on Wed, Sep 20, 2006 18:03

Bismillahirohmanirohim Assallamualikum whwt Dear Fatimah, ISLAM is so flexible by mean of fekah .... there always be a way or method to solve this small isue ..... In today life, we as muslim can never escape from non-muslim .. it's `Sunatullah' (Allah way of iradah) .... every day we're facing with people ... relation with the ummah (Habibulminannas) ... we as muslim MUST show the kindness and tenderness of islam virtues ... good behaviour and well mannered as to sunnah .... IT'S SIMPLE IN FACING THE PROBLEM IS TO WEAR HAND GLOVE ... as what we did in Malaysia .... for example `The Pilgrim Fund of Malaysia' instructed their front counter staff to wear hand gloves while assisting clients .... it seem ALLAH AM knows most ... As muslim we MUST have knowledge of Tauhid, Fekah and Tasauf. Wassallamualikum whwt Thank you Your's Suardin Hj.Ali


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Haleemah
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 26
Posted on Wed, Sep 20, 2006 09:23

Salaam According to the Shafi and Hanfi teaching if a man and a women touch each others hands then they will have to perform wudu later on... Difference is in the Hanfi school if a husband and wife touch hands they don't have to make wudu Or you can resort to wearing gloves at these events... Therefore skin to skin won't touch... What if I shake a mans hand (Being a VP) and all... I would go to the restroom and wash my hands. So if you are recieving an award- and it's manners to shake a mans hand.. do it and when you have the time either make wudu or wash your hands later on... That's my suggestion...


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
JeNnaa
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 24
Posted on Wed, Sep 20, 2006 09:00

Salam Fatima22 Maybe u might want to wear those beautiful hand gloves during this kind of functions and if anyone ask u y u wearing so... u can just say that its fashion, style and u r comfortable with it. At the end of the day, when your hand is covered by the cloth; it's alright to handsake the male as his skin is not touching yours. :)


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
talibulislam
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 141
Posted on Wed, Sep 20, 2006 08:46

asallamoalikum,these r things which i think r hard to avoid,just keep a fake hand in your pocket just 4 that purpose & give them when they need it just joking, i think in Muslim country its not a problem cuz people know,it used to become issue when some Muslim stretch his hand to shake with nonmuslim lady or Muslim lady ,next day news paper put the picture all out,but even man start shaking hands there,but inshallah with the time people will understand just like now so many places u go an nonmuslim tell u about if there is halal food available 4 u or not or b care full its pork in it,same way soon inshallah they will know,so as long u r trying your best avoiding hand shakes in places u can then eventually Allah will make it possible 4 u, where its hard to avoid now,plus your intention r straight sister so things b fine soon inshallah


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Follow - Email me when people comment