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Muslim Blogs > Fatima22's blogs > Excuses for taking a 2nd wife.........
Excuses for taking a 2nd wife......... Sort by:
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fatima22
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Posted on Fri, Jan 26, 2007 09:51

A colleague related a situation about a husband telling his wife he wanted to take a 2nd wife because she COULD NOT GIVE HIM A SON! The couple have 5 children, all girls and so the wife, unaware of the biological facts, is considering her husband's request! I cannot imagine that the guy had the nerve to use this excuse on his wife! For the benefit of those who know about guys who use similar excuses, please tell them that the wife should NEVER be blamed for the inabilty to produce sons, because the cause is due to the HUSBANDS.......not the wives! Sons are formed by the combination of the X and Y chromosomes from the couples. The female only carries the X chromosomes, while the male has both the X & Y chromosomes. So if the Y chromosomes from the husband fail to meet the X chromosomes form the wife, where is the logic to the accusation that the WIFE cannot give the husband a son???? Would it not be better for all concerned if the males could come clean about their additonal wives, and the females could view polygamy positively, as long as the husband adheres firmly to the Islamic requirement and genuinely treat all his wives with equal affection and attention? I do not deny that it will hurt any female to know that her man wants to take another wife, because possessiveness and jealousy are weakness that are hard to overcome. But still, we should try to overcome them, because life after all will go on, and we cannot retain all our possessions, because they do not belong to us in the first place, except our deeds....... And shame on the male who uses this permission to cloak his lust (naf), but then blames his present wife for driving him to take an additional wife!


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baqi9
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Posted on Mon, Feb 05, 2007 06:56

As salaamu alaikum dear Muslims. Sister Fatima it is not that I am suspecting everyone to do me wrong, but I do not expect everyone to treat me right...life's experiences. What I do is look at the actions and words of people. Sometimes they mesh, and sometimes they don't. Also I believe your correct in that we exchanged opposing views before. Anyway ma salaama.


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baqi9
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Posted on Mon, Feb 05, 2007 06:53

As salaamu alaikum dear Muslims. Sister Fatima it is not that I am suspecting everyone to do me wrong, but I do not expect everyone to treat me right...life's experiences. What I do is look at the actions and words of people. Sometimes they mesh, and sometimes they don't. Also I believe your correct in that we exchanged opposing views before. Anyway ma salaama.


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fatima22
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Posted on Sun, Feb 04, 2007 02:59

Assalamualaikum Coincidently, last night while reading the Quran, i came across the verse : "They think that every cry is against them" (Surah 63:4) You wrote: "Not really sure on how to take your last post towards me..? Seems like a awful lot of undertoned put downs, but this may not be the case is why I'm bringing it up"............ Bother baqi9, seems like we have a problem communicating the correct message to each other or perhaps that you have a suspicious streak and view the worse side first. Like the case of a person who says the glass is half full, while to another he says the same glass is half empty! I acknowledged that there was a misunderstanding. I tried to explain where the misunderstanding could have risen from. And i tried to see the better part of your intentions. But u could still envisage the possibilty that I may be putting you down! Anyway, as u say, "to each his own" and i give up trying to clarify with you. If i recall correctly, this is not the first time we have had such exchange between us, which also hovered around another misunderstanding!


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talibulislam
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Posted on Fri, Feb 02, 2007 22:49

asallamoalikum,alhamdulillah it was just thought & feelings came in my mind & i decided to put into words & share with others,but actually i did not bring into practice but some how those words with mercy of Allah swt click in your mind & with your good imaan u react so fast & practically apply right away,which is sign of Allah's mercy & happines with u,my words with mercy of Allah swt came into practice by u which i hope Allah will reward me for that but seeing u applying that practically motivates me 2 do it practically which put u step ahead & Allah swt has greater reward for u insh'allah


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baqi9
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Posted on Fri, Feb 02, 2007 20:28

As salaamu alaikum, Again sorry sister Fatima. I sometimes type slower than I think of what to say. Anyway nothing in my exchange with you is/was on a personal note. This shows me that there is a strong reason to proofread before I post. By leaving out 'comment' it appeared personal...it was not. Whether or not you were referring to me however seemed the case only because you used the same words, not because I was grabbing for straws. Anyone reading this thread would more than likely believe that to be the case too. I noticed that you have a way of talking about someone without saying that is what your doing...reminds me of one of my sisters, anyway to each his own. Not really sure on how to take your last post towards me..? Seems like a awful lot of undertoned put downs, but this may not be the case is why I'm bringing it up. Also you took the I don't care who you are out of context. That is referring to all of mankind from the most knowledgable to the least needing to learn more. No sister my feelings are not and were not hurt. Personal attacks don't matter that much to me masha Allah, whether on purpose or mistakenly. Anyways, may Allah bless you, me, and all of the Muslims to have the best of manners..character..intention, ameen.


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baqi9
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Posted on Fri, Feb 02, 2007 20:26

As salaamu alaikum, Again sorry sister Fatima. I sometimes type slower than I think of what to say. Anyway nothing in my exchange with you is/was on a personal note. This shows me that there is a strong reason to proofread before I post. By leaving out 'comment' it appeared personal...it was not. Whether or not you were referring to me however seemed the case only because you used the same words, not because I was grabbing for straws. Anyone reading this thread would more than likely believe that to be the case too. I noticed that you have a way of talking about someone without saying that is what your doing...reminds me of one of my sisters, anyway to each his own. Not really sure on how to take your last post towards me..? Seems like a awful lot of undertoned put downs, but this may not be the case is why I'm bringing it up. Also you took the I don't care who you are out of context. That is referring to all of mankind from the most knowledgable to the least needing to learn more. No sister my feelings are not and were not hurt. Personal attacks don't matter that much to me masha Allah, whether on purpose or mistakenly. Anyways, may Allah bless you, me, and all of the Muslims to have the best of manners..character..intention, ameen.


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fatima22
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Posted on Thu, Feb 01, 2007 10:33

assalamu'alaikum suddenly i got goosebumps when i read the part about standing in front of our Creator to see if we will be "hired" or "fired"! So scary....realised how unprepared i am should my day be up any moment from now! i had intended to go shopping but later changed my mind and even cleaned up my home and decided to give away any excess belongings that i do not need, and also give my friends those accessories and stuff that i have that they liked, which hopefully will make them happy. Afterall, Allah swt has blessed me with many things that are invaluable and i prefer now to "shop" for more deeds that i could bring with me should my time be up! Jazakallah khair


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talibulislam
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Posted on Tue, Jan 30, 2007 21:43

asallamoalkium sis,person with imaan & good charector is like gold,those who hate on them or stand against them lose eventually,as you know every day is learning,i got chance to attend some lectures in newyork an with intention am gona learn some thing new or more but i felt like as soon sister start coming in the hall,every thing just change,brother start walking like sahabah,talking like sahabah,all u hear from there mouth on each & every word mash'allah,alhamdulillah & insh'allah when that wasn't the case before,at least they were acting more natueral b4,am not saying i judge them wrong cz am no one,only allah can judge every one but my point is, where that attitude go when u step out from that lecture,where those smiles go when u walk on street,i walk in masjid as u know first rows r the most important one to fill but brothers mostly sit in back & those who come late cannot get in when its plenty of space in front,then if u jump over shoulders & try to reach in front its also against sunnah but people b looking at your face with no courtesy that i can move little bit or squeeze my self to have space for u,i went to a masjid in queens & it was tight,one old guy with beautiful smile on his face saw me standing on the door & he squeeze him self just to make space for me,ever since its been a year & i got 4 chances to pray in that masjid but i cannot forget that face & every time i go there i still look for that face just cz of one good he did to me,i was watching apprentice by rich man ronald trump,when he comes in the room every one standsup,then they strugle with each other &try there best to prove him that am best for u,then always at the end all of them hold there breath & dont even move till they hear his final decision u r hired or fired,if u get hired its like big sucsess & if u get fired u r a loser,thats how we behave in duniya for the competion of duniya in front of other humen who has more money then us but cannot benifit us in anyway,but by looking at it, i was thinking do we behave in same manner when we stand in front of the most strongest one,creator of this universe & who own every thing in it,how we behave in our salah,if u look at salah its like we r in rush or no attention who we standing in front of,notice in salah looking at the time,our hands,clothes,eyes goes up & down, adjust our feet like we r doing some kind of work out,stand with so much pride & arrogance that some time we take extra space which make harder for other person to stand comfortably next to us,we forget how many rakat i prayed already or left,did we ever imagine how that feeling is gona b on day of judment when we r going to get hired by allah or get fired by him,what kind of happines its gona b or sadness its gona b?may allah give us true understanding & amaal insh'allah


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fatima22
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Posted on Tue, Jan 30, 2007 13:30

wa'alaikum salam brother talibulislam Masyaallah your grandmother was such a thoughtful and kind person and i am sure she will be richly rewarded in the Hereafter. Yes, i too have met some older people who may be illiterate and some women who did not even go to school because parents in the old days thought it was not necessary for daughters to do so, but they have better characters and attitudes than some youths of today who are exposed to so much higher learning. I have also met others who are all in hijab and the husband goes to the mosque often but their actions are so different and they seem to regard reverts suspiciously. I had an old couple without children, as my neighbour, who somehow had shown dislike for me for reasons unknown. I found rubbish, cat waste or bundle of furs left in front of my door,(they are the only ones who have a cat in the neighbourhood!), my potted plants overturned, etc...But I have never confronted them about these, as i had not seen with my own eyes that they or their cat did those things! I have overheard the wife talking about me to friends as i pass by, saying things like..."Don't know if she knows how to pray...she lives all alone...maybe 2nd or 3rd wife of someone so that is why she became muslim....etc, etc.." But it did not bother me becoz i told myself they can say whatever they wish as they are not paying my bills anyway... I tried to make conversation, smile at them, but they always tried to avoid. When i gave salam, they pretended they did not hear. During Ramadan when i knocked on their door to share food for breaking fast, they do not open their door, although i can hear their radio on, etc. So eventually i gave up. One night i saw an ambulance in the parking area and realised my neighbour's husband had a heart attack and passed away that night. Next day i knocked on their door and offered my condolences to the wife and offered my help, in case she needed to buy groceries, etc. Several times if i was home early, i'd give her some food, so she did not have to cook, being all alone. Only after this incident, she became friendlier. But later i moved to another place, so i lost touch with this neighbour. My present neighbours are non muslims, but so friendly, pleasant, considerate, and so different from my previous neighbour! So when i hear claims that all mulsims are our brothers and sisters, i know from personal experience that this may not be so in reality. Non muslims may not be referred to as our brothers and sisters, but there are those who readily treat us with more kindness than our muslim family...


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fatima22
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Posted on Tue, Jan 30, 2007 07:42

Assalamualaikum You said that you did not accuse ME, but you wrote: (quote) ""Now sister **YOU** made a comment about "his nafs". I agree with **YOU** 100% that he should not cloak his reasons at all. Allah and His deen doesn't agree with **YOU** about the nafs. Allah created men different than women. In general men have stronger drives than women....... So I fail to see the logic in thinking low of a brothers with stronger drives then other men, when an nabi SAWS was one of them. So were a lot of the sahaaba. ..."" So from the reading perspective, who were you refering to with all the **You**? There were no mention then about "some sisters say such things...". Naturally i gathered that by your usage of **YOU** it was refering to ME? Regarding the point that i was refering to you because of some staements similar to what you stated was made to be read over, please note i clearly stated "there are those...etc." I did not say brother baqi9 said such and such... There is a saying: "Only the person who ate the chillies would feel the heat in his mouth" So if you translated "those" to refer to yourself, it was purely your deduction. Anyway, i clearly agree with you that this is an outcome of a misunderstanding and i no longer hold it against you. I have to remind myself that these exchanges are all in writing and not something we can hear directly or see the expression on the person's face to gather the true meaning and feelings of what the person really wants to say. For me, often when i write, i make an effort to try and search for the right words that would give the intended meanings. I try ...but it still doesn't mean they will be understood correctly by the reader. Also i need to realise that I cannot expect everyone to be also careful about the words or expressions that they use, because perhaps some may not have a strong command of the english language. In any case, who am i to check with people at the mosque or those who know you about your character or your manners as it should not matter to me? Also, like you said, you don't care who we are, so it should not matter to you neither about what we think about you. Please accept my apologies if you felt hurt by some things you gathered were directed at you. And may Allah forgive me for my misunderstandings as well. There is no doubt that you feel strongly about the right deen, otherwise you would not bother to share your opinions or knowledge on this site. And i can understand your real intention is that you wish to help and give better awareness of the correct ways. It is just that sometimes you get the wrong reaction from your postings! May Allah reward you for your good intentions. Masalam


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baqi9
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Posted on Tue, Jan 30, 2007 05:59

Sister firstly you accuse me of accusing you of things I did not. I stated that some sisters say such things and believe in them. Secondly you picked statements I made and made it read over and over that it was actually me your referring to. That may or may not be the case. Anyway not all of the sahaaba treated their women as kind and gentle as "you" state. Fatima RA was asked to be married by 3 sahaaba, one of which was Zubair RA. An nabi SAWS told her that he never lets his stick leave his shoulder, meaning he beats his women. I'll stop there. The point is that all of them were striving to be like an nabi SAWS, as we today are supposed to strive to be like an nabi SAWS. This includes the women of then and the women of today. Yes lots of us today can quote the narrations, but as you say can we put them into practice. Most of us can't which is sad to say. But since you seemed to be referring that comment to me I'll state this, masha Allah I put into to practice most of what I know. And unlike some brothers on this site, wa Allahu Alim, I've had 2 wives before. But unlike the comments you stated and what you may believe about me, I acted according to the Qur'an and Sunnah in that situation. It was the other wife that was outside of the deen in her speech and actions so I divorced her. Masha Allah I was able to do what I quote walhamdulilah. Besides that people can be judged based on the people they are around, by those people that are around them. If anybody wishes to talk to the people that I'm around, the masjid administrators to the masjid I go to, the imam, my wife(only sisters here) wallahi the door is open. Masha Allah, everybody who knows me never has or had anything to say bad about my character, or manners walhamdulilah. And it has nothing to do with me not asking to be informed because I have. What's the point of a friend if they won't tell you and help you with your short-comings. Anyway sister again, I don't just quote highlights of an nabi SAWS and the sahaaba RA, I've lived some of it, call others to it and may Allah Ta'ala make me die upon it, ameen. Before I stop writing there is one more thing. When I stated that some sisters think low of a brother because he wishes to remarry, I was not nor did I even think that you were one of them. That is clear by your first post. I was referring to the sisters that made comments like that to me and other brothers I know. And that wasn't the worst thing I was told. And I don't care who you are, from the most knowledgeable scholar to the dummest layman, we all need to learn this deen, and try our upmost to put what we know into practice. Remember Allah said obey Him and obey Rasullah SAWS. An nabi SAWS said fear Allah as much as you can. You can't fear something you know nothing about. And that knowledge that you gain will insha Allah cause you to put into practice more of what you know. So sister I'm not shooting from the hip when I make most of my comments. And I'm not stating most of the time things I don't put into practice walhamduliah. So it appears that you and I are not on opposites sides of the fence, this has merely been a misunderstanding. May you forgive me and may Allah forgive, ameen.


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talibulislam
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Posted on Mon, Jan 29, 2007 22:10

asallamoalkum sis thanks 4 understanding,some time we complain we don't have time or life is busy when we spend same 8hrs of sleep,2 or 3 hrs of tv,spend same time on phone with love ones,we say science improve lots of thing including humen health,then why its shocking for us when we hear some one is more then 100 year old?we say science made every thing fast,so if its fast then why its so hard for us to visit the sick ones,drive to masjid or give a ride to some onehome or office little bit out of our way?we say we r stuck with job cuz we have bills all the way up too our neck when we have closets full with clothes which we buy but dont even wear,refrigerator full with food we throw out but don't eat or share,if u look in reality nothing has improved but we become more & more lazy & selfish which is also a great sign of going away from allah,i remember my mom used to tell us how her father or grand father used to walk for days in cold & snow with no proper protection just to visit some sick relatives or attend a funneral,they have no rides in mountains & they only carry few peacies of bread & olives in there backpacks so they can eat on there way,my moms grand mother when she died she invite every body in her family including her grand kids & she told every one to sit & eat in front of me so i can see all of u togather one last time,some of her kids blow her words in joke,some became sad not to say those things,she wasn't a very knowledge person about her deen but only good quality my mom know about her that she never refuse any needy person of her door,these were the simplicity of those people not too long ago,not enough food but dinner tables r open for every one,looking into life of sahabah is good but how can we follow them ,when we r going completly towards diffrent direction,walking around with thowbs & gilbab,memorazing hadith from sahih bukari or muslims,no knowledge at all but thinking v r very knowledgeable,full with pride when allah hates the pride most,smack each other face with hadith & surah when we see some one doing some thing wrong on the name of isllah & turbiah. its hadith as u know that man do every thing as of people of jhanaam untill he is only a hand away from hell but allah change him towards haven,same thing allah do again for the person of hell when he is hand away from haven but allah make him do things which take him to hell,whats the moamilah allah has between him & his humen,we dont know.may allah give us true understanding & emmal for deen insh'allah


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fatima22
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Posted on Mon, Jan 29, 2007 04:56

wa'alaikum salam bro. talibulislam It is heartening to discover someone, like yourself, in today's world, who is Allah-fearing as well as practical, humble and honest about the capabilities and weaknesses of the present race. A large number of guys around are quick to highlight The Prophet's (bpuh) and the Sahabaa's (may Allah be pleased with them) practices to justify arguments for themselves, but they fail to attest that their characters, demands and tendencies are far from being similar to that of these noble, admirable, believers of the past. There are those who voice that we should say what we believe in, but are they capable of first exercising perfectly the things they say they believe in?? No doubt these men practised polygamy and they may have had strong drives (only Allah, the Exalted can attest this!) but their intentions, their compassion and their treatment of their wives may not come as near to how our Prophet and his Sahabaas administered towards all their wives. I read that Prophet Mohammad (bpuh) was always gentle and caring to all his wives, never demanding of them, (except when it came to matters concerning worshipping Allah swt) and even sewed his own clothes, etc. His sahabaas were always ever ready to follow wholeheartedly the teachings and practices of the Prophet (bpuh), which would include discarding any bad habits or characters of themselves. But is it the same of the muslim followers of today? Frankly for me, if any of them were still alive and they asked me to be one of their wives, I would immediately accept and even prostate to abudantly thank Allah, the Exalted, for the blessing.........not because of the honour of being chosen to be their wife, or because of any material comforts that I would get, like equal number of clothes, or same living spaces, etc, (as we all know they gave up all their wealth for Allah's cause)........BUT BECAUSE i know for sure their iman, takwa, deen and most importantly their ISLAMIC PRACTICES AND HABITS are unquestionable.... and with such qualities, i know i will find happiness and will be well taken care of emotionally as well as spiritually... and that I will be rightly guided. What more can a muslimah ask for if she finds a husband of such qualities? Race, wealth and looks of a husband can never secure happiness in a marriage for our lifetime...


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talibulislam
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Posted on Sun, Jan 28, 2007 17:43

asallamoalikum.its pretty intresting to discuss this subject,i like listening & reading about it,what ever allah swt said in quran its final,more we debate or argue more we going to b out of track,example since we live in west,we take western society as example,eastern society also falling into the trap of western sucssess which dominates by its economy so waht ever logic they present about humen life we accept more compare to quran & sunnah,we also consider it more important to follow cuz its 21centuery so some where in back of our mind we think our deen is old to apply now.as we know women out number men in most part of the world,so one man having one wife is it really going to work?in west number get higher in women,cuz u have men who r player,not active,in jails,drug addicts & worse of all turning into gay,same reason not finding a right man on right time is also effecting women mind that she decide to b lesbian rather then regular normel wife & many other self created reason on her own like careear is more important then her marriage life & by the time she get done with her schooling she is old,less attractive & less active.as brother baqi said man needs more then one wife to keep his gaze lower, its very important with social point of view cuz u don't wanna have open imorality like west on the name of freedom,but as brother baqi said man have stronger drive so he need more women,we cannot compare this with life of prophet muhamamd saww cuz he married with 40year women & stayed with her till her death & other women came in his life in very old age when man don't need more women but it was more of dawah reason cuz all his wifes & there houses were like school for newmuslim ladies.may allah give us better understanding of deen & protect us from shatan insh'allah


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fatima22
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Posted on Sun, Jan 28, 2007 13:07

Wa'alaikum salam brother Firstly i would like to highlight that i did not say anything about thinking low of a brother with stronger drives then other men. You were the one who concluded this. Notice my sentence stated,**And shame on the male who uses this permission to cloak his lust (naf), BUT THEN BLAMES HIS PRESENT WIFE FOR DRIVING HIM TO TAKE AND ADDITIONAL WIFE *** My sentence had a continuation and a clause...As such you can say I regard lowly only the guy who BLAMES HIS WIFE for whatever reason, when his true intention is to satisfy his naf. If he wants to take another wife, then go right ahead and tell his present wife he has come to like another woman and wish to marry her, rather than make unjustified excuses and pinpoint it on her defects. Is this not similar to looking down on his present wife and making her feel like some inadequate creation of Allah? Can anyone claim that they themselves are without blemishes? Secondly, i agree totally with you that no one can love another equally. That is why i use the word equal AFFECTION and ATTENTION By **affection** (which to me is a lesser degree of LOVE in its form of intensity) and **attention**, i had in mind thoughts of equal tenderness, care and concern that he should practise with all his wives. I have seen or heard cases where the husband showers more time, more attention and greater tolerance for the newer wife, while the older wife is left lonely at her home. Cases where the husband gets easily irritated by the older wife's problems with the kids, or the home or her health, etc, becoz he is busy with the affairs of the newer wife. Cases where the husband answers sternly or boringly to his earlier wife while he speaks with sweetness to his newer wife. Cases where the husband always takes the side of the newer wife and defend her against his earlier wife without investigatiing properly. Equality of material comfort was never in my thoughts when i mentioned about equal affection and attention. It seems a natural tendency of guys like yourself to be concerned more about what affects your pockets than the emotional needs of the wives, like we females are supposed to be void of these needs. Thirdly, i can agree that a man's drive is stronger and that Allah has created man such. But can you agree that a wife's drive could also be equally strong and satisfying to the husband if she is not already tired out by the house upkeep, the cleaning, marketing, cooking, laundry, ironing, the children's upbringing, kids schoolwork, attending to her husband's needs, etc...? (That is why the honeymoon period is always the most blissful!) The husband gets off easier. His responsibility, like you say, is just to ** have to proved (provide) clothing and shelter and food and protection for our wives *** Can you honestly declare this is more tiring physically than the demands and expectations that society puts on a wife? Just one more comment for now. There is a danger when one fails to regard the context of a whole sentence and just make conclusions based on certain words from a sentence. Take the example of the Surah 2:190, which states: Fight in the cause of Allah Those who fight you But do not trangress limits; For Allah loveth not trangressors. Imagine if we merely concluded the message basing on the first part of the surah only, we will say that Allah commanded us to just **Fight for His cause**, period. This, in fact, is the tool non muslims use to conclude that the Quran teaches muslims to wage wars, thus branding us with the characteristics of being terrorists! But in fact the surah does have a continuation and a clause, whereby we are instructed to "Fight in the cause of Allah, (only...) ** THOSE WHO FIGHT YOU ** BUT (and we should also rememebr..)** DO NOT TRANGRESS LIMITS ** Just think about it..


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baqi9
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total posts: 99
Posted on Sun, Jan 28, 2007 07:45

As salaamu alaikum sister, I too am looking for another wife. I say another wife because I don't like the 2nd 3rd and 4th terms since they are used as though there is a ranking of the wives. Anyway an nabi SAWS said that the man is the one that determines the sex of the child. So obviously this man has no clue, at least to this narration. Now pertaining to the plural marriage, a man is not required to love his woves the same. That is impossible. An nabi SAWS made duaa to Allah for what he SAWS had no control over (this was one of those things). It was clear that he SAWS love 'aaisha more than all of his SAWS current wives. I can't say that he SAWS love her more than he SAWS loved Khadijah. But anyway showing affection is something from the heart, and only Allah is in control of the heart. We men do have to proved clothing and shelter and food and protection for our wives without a doubt. But to what degree a man is to proved clothing and shelter is a by need bases which should be no suprise. Example, wife a has more clothes than she not can wear, but wears. Wife b needs some clothes. Why should...no, would it make any sense for the husband to go by clothes for both wives? No because it would just be a waste of money on wife a. Now in another example the husband just out of the kindness of his heart bought wife b clothes that were not needed. This would make it necessary to buy wife a clothing too. As you can see this is a by need bases or by heart bases. The same goes for the living place. Wife a has none or 1 or 2 children, and wife b has 4 to 7 children. By Allah, why would the husband be requried to purchase or rent the same living space for both wives? He is not requried to by any means. We as believers must learn truly what it is we say we believe in. Now sister you made a comment about "his nafs". I agree with you 100% that he should not cloak his reasons at all. Allah and His deen doesn't agree with you about the nafs. Allah created men different than women. In general men have stronger drives than women. This involves our liking to be with more than one woman. So if a man is not satisfied with one woman, he can marry another. If he can't afford it, then he is required to fast, which weakens this drive; Allahu Ahkar. So I fail to see the logic in thinking low of a brothers with stronger drives then other men, when an nabi SAWS was one of them. So were a lot of the sahaaba. So wanting more than one wife is not because the man hates his wife...No, the legislation of having more than one wife doesn't involve hating one's wife, or wanting sons, or to brag, or to think highly of one's self. From what I've read and listened to from the ulemaa and students, is that the taking of more than one wife involves of course being for the sake of Allah, following the sunnah of an nabi SAWS, and helping to lower the gaze due to the man's stronge drive. So it is not a bad thing at all as so many sisters try to make it seem. Just one more comment for now. No one...I mean no one loves any one the same. Not your parents, not your children, not your relatives, nor your friends. Allah clearly tells us that He loves us at different levels. And in Jennah the ranking will be vastly greater than it is now. Just something to think about.


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