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Muslim Blogs > Fatima22's blogs > I am not entering a beauty contest here.....
I am not entering a beauty contest here..... Sort by:
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fatima22
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Posted on Wed, Feb 28, 2007 21:07

assalamualaikum It is sad, but true, that many have a tendency to place emphasis on physical attraction first and character beauty afterwards. That is why i never respond to anyone who initiate contact with me by asking me for my photo, even worse if he is a muslim. It is not because i have physical defects to hide, but to me it is already an impression of his attitude. The hijab is prescribed for the muslimahs so as to cover her pysical beauty, so when a muslim brother asks me to reveal my photo to him, even before he knows much of my personality, is this not contradictory? I do not wish to accept friendship on the grounds that he liked my physical appearance. I would rather he wants to be my friend because of my beliefs, principles, mentality and character...then when he later does see how i look like, i can be assured that his friendship is genuine. I am not entering a beauty contest so i will not subject myself to a situation where friendship with me from the other person is dependant on whether my physical appearance is pleasing to that person or not. Even if he describes himself as having a very hot appearance, it is no regret to me not to be acquainted with an inflated ego. I have NO SAY in my physical features or skin colour because they have been bestowed upon me by my Creator, and all praises are due to Him. If my appearance is pleasing, credit is not mine...if otherwise, i also cannot address any complains to the Creator. So as such, why should i be valued on these terms? BUT i am responsible for developing my mentality, attitudes and education, so these areas i am open to be viewed for compatibility. How solid is the foundation of a relationship based on physical beauty? When I grow older and my skin is wrinkled, or when l lose my slimness and agility?....do I also lose my partner? Or if I fall ill or be handicapped, will i also be abandoned? But if my partner was attracted to me first and foremost because of my mentality, my sense of humour, my attitudes?. at least I can be assured that insyallah, our bond would still be strong and withstanding despite the test of time. Working previously as a flight attendant has made me aware of this reality. When I was new at the job, I did not understand the anxieties of my seniors each time we celebrated their birthdays. But later I realized that with each additional birthday, their security in the job was also threatened,?..the worrying factor was ... whether they could sustain their physical beauty. That was one of the reason I did not stay long in the job?. I left to search for jobs where I could develop skills that I felt could be retained in me, whatever my age or physical outcome may be in the course of my lifetime. I am always grateful that Allah swt had created many encounters for me, which often would lead to cherished friendships..... My friends come in all colours shapes, sizes and even languages....I had a very dear friend who was even a mute and we always had such great times together. I owe my sign language skills to her. She was drop dead gorgeous and many guys would just come up to her wishing to make contact, but when they discovered her speech problems, they ran! They did not bother to make the effort to get to know her better, because if they did , they would have discovered that she was one of the most caring person and had such a beautiful heart.. Beauty is, indeed, in the eyes of the beholder!


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fatima22
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Posted on Fri, Feb 13, 2009 11:35

jess It is the loss of those guys who never came back to you after seeing your photo....and you are better off without them. If physical beauty was their deciding criteria, then it would lead to an instable relationship any way. You would never know when such a guy would end his relationship with you when a next pretty gal crosses his path.. Also, such guys are short sighted in that they don't ask themselves the question that in the event they are down and out... would Great Beauty or Great Personality be the one to stay by them...


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Posted on Thu, Jan 08, 2009 18:57

I think that a lot of people are just looking for beauty I am on this dating site and one more and the first thing a guy asks for is a picture and then once I send it never hear from them again. I have some extra pounds and I am working on losing it and I think I would rather meet a guy now when I am not at my prettiest then when I lose all my weight so I know hes always going to be there even if I do put some weight back on or my looks start to fade. I know I have a great personaility and I am a great person but seems alot of guys on these sites dont care about that they only care about looks.


Jess

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fatima22
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Posted on Tue, Mar 27, 2007 08:06

Salams I am a bit sceptical about the point that **Even in the Quran Allah allows people to marry solely based on beauty **..i think perhaps there are addtional lessons to this statement because it seems a very uncertain attitude to adopt. But i would agree with you that there are different types of people with different priorities, and we cannot expect all to agree with us. But i feel it is very unhealthy for any marriage to be based solely on beauty. It is like walking on thin ice. I have witnessed cases where the wives are transformed physically after birth and coping with children, and they lament about their husband's roving eyes and infidelity; I have seen paranoid women in the gym and they tell me they are there not for the joy of the exercises, but for the fear of losing their marriage; Women go on crazy diets and suffer for the same reason... Well it is a good thing that they want to please their husband, but to live with such insecurities in a marriage, i feel, it takes the fun out of being married..... Of course i am not saying that we should take our appearance for granted after marriage, but if my husband married me because he was attracted to my character rather than merely my physical beauty, at least i could be sure that even if my lose my teeth or the tautness of my skin in the years to come, i will still find my husband close by my side.....


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fatima22
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Posted on Sun, Mar 25, 2007 11:38

Salamualaikum Don't quite understand the perspective you are trying to associate in relation to the subject here, but with regards to your question, Yes, i agree totally that human beings should nurture and maintain their physical beauty. After all, disregard of the gifts bestowed upon us by our Creator is shameful. However whether it reflects who we are on the inside too....it would depend on how well we can show or conceal our motives... If we are doing it for display or to feed our ego, or use our physical beauty as an asset for attention and public acceptance, then it is wayward thinking. If we are doing it to cherish the gifts from our Creator, then it is noble. It boils down to humility. Do we feel proud that we are better looking than our neighbours? Who are we to say that our appearance is Hot? Which universal yardstick are we using? Like they say, To all mothers, their babies are the most beautiful... In fact, are we even in a position to say that the other person is ugly or not to our standard? This is the tendency of our first reaction whenever we see a photo. But if we dispel with the picture insistence and focus on the character of the person first, however the person may look when we eventually see them, we would still be able to find attraction and beauty in him/her. This is also how the hijab works for the ladies.. When i go shopping with girlfriends and see beautiful clothes and adornments, i'd encourage them to buy as well, but they would usually say "What's the point? We are in hijab, who's to see??" But to the married ones, i'd say "What about your husband???" And they'd say ..."Oh, at home we want to be comfortable as we have chores to do, children to care...tedious to be all dressed up!!". So who are we really maintaining our physical beauty for??


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jlseagull
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Posted on Sun, Mar 25, 2007 04:35

Wow, you seem like an interesting lady with a mind of her own! Enjoy your blogs. Been in this situation before where ladies send me beautiful pics of themselves but when meeting them in person, realised either they had sent me a photo taken ages ago or they do look like their photos but void f substance in the mental area! LOL!


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fatima22
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Posted on Fri, Mar 23, 2007 02:44

Salamualaikum sister Maymoonstar I understand what you are trying to make me realise and i welcome your thoughts. If you question whether i have probably been in a position where i myself have probably judged someone one way or another, then in all honesty i must say YES, i have. In fact, i do it OFTEN! The reason is because i recruit staff for my company and i do have to make judgments as to whether i think they would be suitable for the jobs. I also have to make judgments on whether a business associate can be trusted and capable enough to enter into a business relationship with, etc But i have never based my judgments merely on their looks or photos. I judge them based on their mentality and attitudes. If I am not meeting a person face to face, I rely also on the way they write because this somewhat reveals their perceptions, which looks can disguise. But here we are talking about judgment based on pictures and physical attractions which i disagree. I also disagree in the need to employ undue harsh words. The manner in which we relay a message makes a difference. Example, say to someone: 1) Stop it Moron! That pisses me off! Or 2) Stop it please! That is hurting or disgusting. Same intended message...different manner of output.....contrasting reactions....... There is a saying: *** For good or ill, your conversation is your advertisement. Every time you open your mouth, you let people look into your mind *** A judgment based on looks is only a blissful for the eyes.....


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Bilqis79
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Posted on Thu, Mar 22, 2007 12:34

Salaams Fatima You sem to have a good head on your shoulders you are right about iamge. Too many times people pick thier mates based on looks and not personality. I have a friend whose parents were trying to find a spouse for her and so they recieved a picture of a young man who she immediately rejected because she thought he was not handsome enough. She never even gave him the time of day so she wound up marrrying someone she though suited her and in thier first year of marriage he cheated on her while she was carrying his child needles to say the mariage did not last long and they were divorced by the next year. Now the young man she had rejected turned out to be quite handsome and married another young lady I knew and they have been happily married for about 10 years now. He treats her like a queen and takes very good care of her. So beauty is not everything, you have to lok for whats inside a person.


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fatima22
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Posted on Wed, Mar 14, 2007 06:20

I had posted a reply but somehow it was removed. Anyway just to reiterate and add.... My profile can be viewed by all, so what is it that i was hiding?? If you mean my picutre....well i thought it is not islamically correct for traditional muslim women to be displaying their pictures to be viewed by strangers in the website? Your further wrote: *****i don't want fakes approaching me. to be honest it kinda pisses me off because i'm not here tryin to seek a woman's approval or hit on her, so please be kind enough to talk to me for the right reasons........barbie dolls and cosmetically enhanced aswariya rai and victoria beckham wannabes need not apply, if you don't have a picture then don't bother either i'm not to keen on having imaginary friends. **** I liked your inpts in the blogs and wanted to see the light (Nur) in the character and must admit i was surprised at the language. Funny how you do not mince your words in your description yet you are unable to swallow the same medicine. Sorry, i just do not agree that just because there are no pictures, we cannot be friends with an individual, or we should doubt his/her sincerity in friendship. Btw, i have not seen a picture of our Prophet (bpuh), and neither of my Creator. Anyway my opinion should not matter to you as i am not applying. In any case i would not comply with your picture criteria...just wanted to see how the ball bounces back. Salams and have a nice day! PS. i would like to add that i have met victoria beckham and she is actually a nice person and committed mother, which the public is unaware of. The only problem is that she is entrapped in the media prison and surrounded by public pressures, and she has not been exposed to islamic teachings, so she is ignorant of the yardstick that is used to judge her.


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Posted on Tue, Mar 13, 2007 09:11

you came and criticise my profile yet you hide yours r u really that insecure, its funny how everyone wants to point out your flaws but never look at their own.


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fatima22
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Posted on Sun, Mar 04, 2007 11:34

assalamualaikum brother readytomarry Actually i am still puzzled as to why most would cite Bradd Pitt as the ultimate hunk, cause to me he is just an average looking guy ? :P But if someone were to use the comparison of Anthony Hopkins, Richard Gere or Kevin Costner....well.....their looks i can relate with! LOL! ........ The features that are so attractive to me in these guys are the wrinkles and laughter lines round their eyes and mouth.....goes to show they had smiled or laughed alot...which also tells a lot about their outlook of life.... I am grateful to Allah swt that He has bestowed upon me the tendency to observe all the little details when meeting or talking with a person. Their gestures, their mannerism, what makes them laugh or angry, their reactions to different situations and even their body language...all these details tell me something about the character of that particular person...not their looks ot their wallet contents. Instead of branding the womenfolk as shallow, it is perhaps better to regard it as their loss that they did not pursue further to discover what a good person you claim to be.


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Mayakhan
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Posted on Sat, Mar 03, 2007 22:24

I am so glad to hear someone with the good point of views in life, unlike the majority of human beings; we all are the same. "Judge the book by its cover" is what we've came to. Its sad how people beleive in having better looks than the personality inside out. Wish there are more people like you out there teaching people to do the right thing and hope for one day that they change for good cause. Keep up with the good work, I am sure your parents would be proud of you.


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badillos26
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Posted on Fri, Mar 02, 2007 23:50

Rasulullah once said to marry a woman with 3 conditions first, same religion and ofcourse good iman second, choose the more clever one so you'll be save , third you may choose the prettier .Wassalamu'alaikum.


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baqi9
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Posted on Thu, Mar 01, 2007 18:23

As salaamu alaikum fatima, Subhaan Allah, you've hit that nail head-on. This really just echos an nabi SAWS in that when picking a spouse, choose the one with good deen, but it is so refreshing to see a sister with that as her base. I must say that I'm sort of torn as which position to go with as far as seeing the person first or waiting. In some cases the persons personality can win and keep your heart. In other cases it's over once eye contact has been made. I've been in both positions, and on both sides. I remember a lecture I listened to where the speaker talked about a companion who had 70 wives because of his love of women. He lined up all 4 of his wives at the time told them how beautiful they were and then divorced them all. In looking for another wife he asked the father to see her and she heard this. Her reply was that if an nabi SAWS said for you to look at me then do so, and if he didn't then don't. After seeing this sister this sahaaba said that he was more satisfied with this sister then any other and that he'd had 70 wives(not all at the same time. He'd marry then divorce). They married and I don't think that he ever divorced this sister. Jazak Allahu Kulli Kharin for the reminder, may it benefit you me and everyone who reads it; ameen.


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talibulislam
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Posted on Thu, Mar 01, 2007 06:56

asallamoalikum,true indeed,really like it,place am working is more close to fashion industries,i see how much people suffer cz of out look impression,i have seen goodlooking ladies customer get so much compliments & guys try to get with them,show so much love & i have seen same people within a year or 2 b draging them self with each other in relation,i have friend of mine work with me used to b over weight 2years ago,lost almost80lb,now she is the most hottest chick in my store,same guys including her current boy friend used to say ewwww,now saying wow or dam she look good,she used to buy stuff for her boy friend & he never buy her anything,now same guy buy her stuff she don't even ask for,i see this thing,i mean thats her relation & not my busness but i know this guy never love her when she was over & he still don't love her when she is in shap,no body never new her as person b4 & no body still knows her as person,seeing this & learning from this dumb materialistic world i just with mercy of allah swt natuerally get close to allah,i natuerally become more careless what others think about me or how i look with beared or what i think about them.may allah guide us cz we cant get no where with our own guidence insh'allah


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readytomarry
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Posted on Thu, Mar 01, 2007 05:40

I agree sister Fatima. However, women tend to be just as shallow. I don't look like Brad Pitt, so they go no further in finding out if I'm a good man or not. It would seem if a man has money or is movie star handsome, he doesn't need to be a good person.


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