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Muslim Blogs > Fatima22's blogs > The Hijab....a revert's battle
The Hijab....a revert's battle Sort by:
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fatima22
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Posted on Mon, Sep 11, 2006 08:27

The topic about hijab often draws many comments. I agree fully with the virtues of the hijab and have no doubts that it is obligatory for muslimahs. However, I am not fully supportive of those who criticise unsympathetically the non-hijab muslimahs, especially if they are reverts. For born muslimahs, you have been brought up in an upbringing that has always been supportive of the Islamic requirements. For reverts, we have to battle with major changes and one cannot expect an overnight transformation. For us, sacrifices have to be made and it takes very strong convictions to do so. For males, it is easier for you to insist on the females to wear the hijab?you do not face the same prejudices and mindset of today?s society; your battles and sacrifices are not similar to those of the muslimahs. Most have said that the hijab is to guard the muslimahs? modesty and to prevent temptations from the males. For me, personally there is an additional function. The hijab serves as a personal reminder of the proper conduct of a muslimah. I was holding a high post and enjoying good income in the airline industry. I rose in ranks through many years and was at a position envied by my colleagues. But when I reverted and decided to wear the hijab, my boss gave me the ultimatum: Out of the Hijab or Out of Job! For married muslimahs they have their husbands to support them; for us yet unmarried and self-supporting, this was not pleasant news. But I eventually chose Out of Job! Change of career, start from the bottom? I used to smoke,loved dancing & good at billiards. Most weekends will find me either at the disco or some functions. Never failed to get invited to social functions. I was known to be an ice-breaker and friends would ?use me? specially if they were attending a function where they did not want to just stand around alone sipping their drinks till the end of the event. I had no problems initiating conversations and was able to keep the conversation going discussing any topics under the sun, whether about politics, sports, fashion, cooking or the latest news. But of course when I reverted, several of my previous indulgences had to stop. Try giving up an old habit and you will find it is not a piece of cake! Some would say a strong iman is all that is needed. True, but being human, it helps to have additional assistance. My assistance was..... my hijab. A cigarette & hijab? Horrible combination!?.so out with the cigarettes! Hijab lady disco dancing? Unbecoming!?so out with the boogie! Hijab lady and initiating conversations with males at parties? How brazen!..so lower the gaze, lower the voice and laughter, or better, out with parties! Hijab lady playing billiards in clubs? Madness!...better off playing board games! Slowly but surely, others on the list will be phased out, insyallah?, but it is not easy for everyone. Those who wish to condemn heartlessly should bear this in mind. I am not saying you should not voice out the truth, but you can try to do it in a more tactful manner. Our Prophet (pbuh) moved the hearts of many by his gentle ways. For those ladies who think I missed out on a lot and that my rights were sacrificed because of the hijab, I say it is incorrect. I have no regrets. I realised those ways were not right for a lady and am glad the behaviours are stopped. It is a fact that Allah (swt) created us differently and for different purposes. We have to find our peace and when we live according to His terms, it is fulfilling enough for us, despite lacking those things which we perceive as our personal ?enjoyment?. Initially, we may perhaps regard them as sacrifices, but when we embark, we will find them as bad habits which we are glad to be rid off. For those contemplating the hijab, my advice would be to go for it! Insyallah, your missing pieces in the jigsaw will be found and you will soon find the complete picture. May Allah guide and assist you.


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talatnoor
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Posted on Sat, Oct 07, 2006 15:11

Dear Sister, Salaams, You have made great sacrifices in the path of your Deen. I just wanted to add that when I see any practicing sister, I have nothing but admiration for her because I can understand the great difficulties and temptations that have to be overcome when one chooses to wear the Hijab. Wearing the Hijab shows a great respect not only for Allah (swt) by obeying his rules, but also to ones self. As a born Muslim , I did not know very much about our religion and to be honest it's when i've seen sisters who have reverted to Islam and given up so many freedoms that we so called born Muslims seem to chase after , that it makes you stop and think, wow.... "what's the beauty in Islam that you have understood, that i couldn't see ?" I can only finish by saying that I truly believe that when you open your heart to Allah (swt)and take 1 step towards him , that he truly does take 10 steps towards you.... may he guide and help us all in our Deen. Also for anyone who is not wearing Hijab, please don't be afraid of those who do. I know it can feel a bit intimidating at times but most ladies who wear the Hijab will be more than welcome to talk to you and share their experiences. For any ladies who do wear Hijab, please don't be judgemental of anyone who is not or who is trying because it is hard if you haven't been brought up in an environment where it's


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sweetoojawad
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Posted on Wed, Sep 27, 2006 20:34

Assalam, I agree with you. Wearing hihab reminds me of how a muslimah sould be. It helps me to be peaceful and respectful, and to be mindful of the teachings of the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh). In struggling with certain haram, wearing hijab had helped me to lay those things aside..I recommend hijab for every muslimah..


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Siniram
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Posted on Wed, Sep 27, 2006 01:16

Salam Well I must agree that you have to make some sacrifices because I a from Bosnia Europe I was born Muslim however I lived amoung Christians and my mother and father were very liberal, and for me this hijab wearing didnt happened over night. It happened when I came to USA and started to socilize with more muslims and realized more things about Islam and what hijab actually stood for


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Haleemah
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Posted on Thu, Sep 21, 2006 06:25

Salaamu Alaikum Yes born muslimah was trained to wear the hijab and it may seem easier... But most of us are in the reverse... When some of us hit puberty- We or I should say wanted to take the hijab off...actually for sometime I did or a wore a shorter version of it. In the end whether you're a revert or born into islam... It's all about your Iman/ faith... It takes time and Allah knows this... Hence Islam isn't a forced religion... Sister when you feel you are ready to wear the hijab do so... Don't listen to other people judgemental view about covering up... Obvious they are not happy with themselves therefore they have to find fault in someone else... Remember - wearing the hijab is only for Allah and no one else. Ma Salaama


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baqi9
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Posted on Wed, Sep 20, 2006 13:27

Sister it isn't that easy for most men who revert either. Remember men are required to have all of our garments above the ankles, or else we can be punished in the fire. Not being brought-up as a muslim and even most muslims don't understand this, but where I'm from that is called highwaters. So it takes some getting use to for men and women mashallah.


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revoed_NURFITRAH
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Posted on Sat, Sep 16, 2006 09:00

Assalamualaikum to all muslims, To all muslim reverts/converts, Congratulation for choosing Islam, and you all the choosen and blessed ones by Allah, Insya'Allah. I admire the courage and the determination by you all. Allah has given the Nur or light and the Hidayah or Guidance to you all. To sister Coronita, Don't worry what other people think of you. We could not satisfy everybody in whatever we do, the most important you satisfy Allah and get His blessings. You are not alone, Allah is always with you. We here, are your friends, and your brothers and sisters in Islam. We care and concern for you OK. Please don't feel hesitate, we try to help you in whatever way that we could. Take care sister, May Allah bless you. Your sister in Islam.


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fatima22
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Posted on Thu, Sep 14, 2006 19:48

Salamualaykum I just wanted to add that, when sisters start wearing the hijab and dress accordingly, there is an additional advantage.... We can perform our prayers easily, anywhere! Previously I had to carry additional prayer garment. At times i risk missing my prayer because I could be in a meeting somewhere else n my prayer garment was in the office. When I start wearing the hijab, all I need to carry with me everywhere now is just a piece of cloth to act as a cover on the ground, a compass to find the direction of the kiblah, and an additional pair of socks in case the ones I was wearing are soiled. When I was at the beach with a group of children and it was prayer time, I just find a clean spot nearby to perform my prayers, after taking the wudhuu. I did the same while trekking in some nature reserve, and even at Disneyland LA. My activities need not be interrupted, and neither need my prayers. When my boss did not allow me to take time off to go to the mosque, I just prayed by the side of my working desk in my office room till he finally allowed me. So when non muslims (and even muslims) tell me it is not easy for a working person to perform the 5 daily prayers at the prescribed times, or that we cannot do outdoor assignments if we still insist to stick to our prayers, I tell them it is a matter of finding a way. I for one, do not agree in their claims that Islamic practices create difficulties for normal living. And Insyallah, where there is a will, there will always be a way! Hope my sharing with you of the things I had gone through, could help you in somewhere....... Salams / fatima


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fatima22
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Posted on Wed, Sep 13, 2006 07:35

Walaykum salam Coronita I felt so sad for you when I read your situation. I know what it feels like when u do not have the support of your family. I was disowned by mine when they discovered my conversion, n now I live alone. I managed to get over this rejection early because mentally I had prepared for it. But I cannot expect others to feel the same as me. We each have our sentiments. All I can say is that I have experienced that when Allah (swt) closes one of the doors, He opens another somewhere. I lost my family and non muslim friends but I have found more sincere muslim friends that genuinely care for me than previous ones who stayed by me because they can benefit from my position in the company I worked. I lost my so called glamorous career and now teach little children and I am enjoying this job so much better. Less stress and less work pressure and I find myself looking forward to go to work, when previously I used to dread Mondays! No doubt I have less income but I do not need to live a lavish life and stock up material wealth which I am unable to bring with me to the grave. And most importantly I have a sense of peace in my mind now, rather than confusion before, as I learn the right way to live as a muslim. Regarding the hijab, I started initially by changing my dressing, then I started wearing hats and bandanas and my family, boss and clients did not suspect anything. They thought it was a change of my fashion until one day i surprised them with the full hijab and that's when the cat came out of the bag! And I do not think other muslimahs should ever look down on another for not wearing the hijab because we have no right to look down on anybody for whatever reasons. It is arrogance and pride that makes one look down on another person, and who are we to be arrogant when all our abilities have been bestowed upon us by our Creator? What right have we to claim credit when we cannot even make a hair grow on our own? We can plan a mountain amount of things, but if Allah does not will it, it will never happen. On the contrary they should appreciate the fact you took that bold step to revert and encourage your every attempt to fufil the Islamic way. You need not worry about those who reject you for if they did, it was not worth having them as friends in the first place. But I do want to stress that in your situation, it is important that you have the full support of the man you are going to marry and that of his family as well. His family should at least welcome you as their new child and genuinely care and assist you. As for your own parents, pray more that Allah swt will eventually soften their hearts but never treat them harshly even though they snub or scorn you, for Islam teaches us to value family relations. Hopefully your parents can see that you have changed for the better and most parents would want the best for their children. May Allah lessen your pain and sadness and ease your journey in Islam. Salams / fatima


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coronita
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Posted on Tue, Sep 12, 2006 20:14

salam alaykum fatima.. i appreciate this blog. it makes me think alot.. i know i should be wearing a hijab as a muslimah but i do not. I am a revert, just recently in the last couple months.. It is definitly hard to wear a hijab for someone like me.. because again, you mentioned the job issue you had.. i would have that problem with the business i am going 2 become involved in. as well.. my mother and father dont know i have reverted and i was talking about islam, etc.. because im going to marry a muslim ( that i kno already) aand i wanted to see what my mother wud think.she basically said she would hit the roof if i ever came home with something on my head or face. (hijab, niqab,etc) my parents somewhat discriminate u could say! i dont think my mother would even come to my wedding if i married this person.. pakistani.. so bringing in not only a different religion, but culture as well. it makes me sad .. i am so accepting of differences but not my parents. and another thing that bothers me, is i wonder sometimes, if other muslimahs that do wear the hijab would look down on me because i do not wear one.. i stil do dress modestly though..yes a little modern but i dont go showing off. i saw a muslimah today at my school she sat by me i was going to say salam alaykum bcuz i want to make muslimah friends..bcuz my other friends i dont feel as close with anymore now that i have reverted... but i did not because i dont know what to expect. what do othr ppl think about this? what would you feel about another muslimah not wearing a hijab,? but still dressing.. fairly modest. Coronita---


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gaamar
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Posted on Tue, Sep 12, 2006 19:31

Salam, Mashallah, after reading your blog I must admit that i was very envious at such faith and determination. You are right, those who were born into Islam do take it for granted and dont realize the extreme change that others must endure. Let me be among the first to tell you that i am proud to have you as a sister in Islam and that i wish u the best. Alot of those born into Islam have become weak in their faith and i know that i look to those who choose Islam for the love of it for inspiration. Thank you for your story. Allah Ma3aaki


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zamansh
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Posted on Tue, Sep 12, 2006 12:52

Assalam Warahamatulla. Subhanaalla. What a great sacrifice for Iman. May Allah bless you, my sister. Amin. and pls do not forget me while DOA. Wassalam Shahin


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thepreeciousone
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Posted on Tue, Sep 12, 2006 05:39

Slam... Yes you are absolutely right....this is the real and spiritual beauty of Islam that by acting upon its laws you are automatically saved from all the evil deeds... May Allah give you the strength and all the other Muslims to act upon the laws of Islam firmly and whole heartily..... Best Regards.....


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