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Muslim Blogs > Fatima22's blogs > Would you marry for other reasons than LOVE......?
Would you marry for other reasons than LOVE......? Sort by:
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fatima22
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Posted on Tue, Jan 16, 2007 11:16

There is a close colleague and friend with whom i get along very well. Recently i told him of my intention to resign because i plan to move to another country to live and work. He became very upset and revealed that he actually had intended to ask for my hand in marriage and is even prepared to revert. This was shocking news because all the while i had regarded him as a wonderful big brother, and i told him so. That evening, he met with an accident. Alhamdullilah, he suffered only a bruised arm and some minor cuts, even though his car was terribly damaged. But at the hospital he told me that his mind was disturbed, he did not see the oncoming vehicle, he was thinking about my departure from his life...he asked me to reconsider his marriage proposal. Now, my mind is disturbed....... Firstly, i do not want to be responsible for further accidents to this brother. Secondly, could someone marry for other reasons than love? If one loves another as a brother, could she eventually grow to love the guy as a husband too? Then i thought about arranged marriages....the couples do not even know much about each other but they eventually form happy marriages (for most of them, anyway...) I wonder if this is Allah's Way of telling me that this person is decreed to be my husband? How can i be sure? Has anyone gone through such an experience? And what was the outcome?


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fokeer_vai
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Posted on Tue, Feb 06, 2007 17:57

Salaam, you might wanna have a "Religious Scholar" do Istikhakra for you. may Allah make things easy for you, aameen.


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sammaa
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Posted on Tue, Jan 30, 2007 03:53

A very good blog indeed. Honestly more people in world marry first what we say arrange marriage. Often there marriage are successful BUT LUV TO DEVELOP BETWEEN THEM after they get married. So without love two cannot live long in marriage.


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makedonka
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Posted on Tue, Jan 30, 2007 03:07

My understanding about love is that if you are unable to love even the poorest soul in the world, you do not have love in you. I am married to a non-believer, at the time I did not know it but he was the only man that was willing to take me. We married after 3 weeks of knowing each other, I do not regret it because I learned this lesson in love. You do not have to have the chemistry of being in love to love anyone when you are full of love yourself.


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talibulislam
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Posted on Mon, Jan 29, 2007 21:05

asallamoalikum sis,just don't ignore the facts,u get on highway with feeling u r going towards Florida is not gona take u there but your mind b telling u look into the map or take down south will surely going to take u there.our heart which is more close to our nafs always takes us where we don't suppose to b.since u think u r making a life time decision,so put your mind into it,quran & sunnah is like a map so listen to your mind first & put your heart after CZ once u get married then u have whole life to put your heart into.may Allah help us & guide us in life making right decisions insh'allah


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fatima22
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Posted on Fri, Jan 26, 2007 10:18

Salams all Grateful for your responses.. Question is, can love be developed although it does not exist now in the relationship? And i have prayed istihara before for other matters, but here again..... it is hard to determine if the direction i took was following the guidance from Allah or my personal inclination. Example, i prayed istihara before a business venture and it failed! My concern now is whether i am fighting a decree from Allah, the Exalted, with the free choice that He has bestowed upon me :(


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taraq2008
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Posted on Thu, Jan 18, 2007 21:33

I have run into a situation like like that with a cousin. She loved me so much, no matter what I did to stop here from doing that, she insisted on marring me. I liked here as my sister, one day we decided to sit down and talk about it. We did talk with great respect and finally she realized that we were not meant for each other. It was very hard for both of us to leave each other, but she got over it.


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Allysamel
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Posted on Thu, Jan 18, 2007 00:57

hey fatima, where matters of the heart is concern, its kinda tricky. I don't think that you should enter into a relationship because of guilt. Trust your heart, if there is no love, their shouldnt be a relationship. Its totally unfair for your friend too. I am sure if he knows your real feelings towards him he could not pressure you into marriage!


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Uhibbu
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Posted on Wed, Jan 17, 2007 17:52

Dear sis If u r in confused situation or if u wanted to perform somethings; pray Istihara 2 rakaat.Doa and seek ALLAH guide and mention his name. May ALLAH show u and guide u in ur decision. InsakALLAH :)


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talibulislam
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Posted on Wed, Jan 17, 2007 09:11

ASALLAMOALIKUM,there is no such thing love at first sight,cuz that instant love go away instantly too,love grows with time,with understanding,sharing each others good & compromising & ignoring each others bad,if he is deciding to revert then u definatly need to give him space & time of learning,u need to make sure u provide him enough information & good company of practicing brothers,u need to put him through drills & make sure he wanna b close to allah more then u but b rational not emotional.best is do istikarah & keep doing it till u get the satisfying answer or feelings.no one can guide u better then allah swt.there is no relation between man & women other then husband & wife,saying relation as brother is good as long u dont get married.may allah guide us straight in this life & life after insh'allah


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