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Muslim Blogs > Khadeja2000's blogs > when do you say enough?
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khadeja2000
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Posted on Fri, May 19, 2006 20:50

Asalaum alaykum waramatu allah. I am having a hard time to say enough and know when to move on. I married my husband 4 years ago and in the begining he promissed everything. Then after our first child things started going bad. I got pregnant again and I felt all alone in that pregnancy. 2 months after I gave birth to my 2nd child I heard a message from my husbands voice mail thanking him for as wonderful evening and the flowers. So I called the women and asked her what she ment and what the relation was. Needless to say she wasnt the last. I have never felt more alone then the whole time i have been married. His last lady i left him for only to come back to empty promisses. I asked him if he was in love and if so does he want another wife. He denied all. She said she was pregnant with his child. This is 1 week after I had come back. I told him I would support his decission if he wanted her as a wife or just wanted to be in the child life or wanted her instead of me. I called her everyday to make sure she was fine and if she needed anything. 1 week later she said she lost the baby. I cried it was apart of my husband. I went to have surgery 2 weeks later for weight loss . Then 1 week later I finnally went back to work after 2 months of being gone. She calls my work and gets me fired . Now having no income, health care and no more daycare I really get upset with my husband and he says he no longer will talk with her or any women. now 5 months later I see he is talking to the same woman.Not only that but when he is with this other woman I get treated so poorly. Have I done enough to save this relationship or is their something I am not doing right? I've tried to get him to a muslim counsler. he refused. I tried to talk but i get bruised. I try to ignore but it hurts to much. I just wanted to have a happy marriage. sorry so long anythoughts would be great. May allah give us all peace.


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lolly
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total posts: 19
Posted on Sat, Jun 24, 2006 20:17

Sister, divorce can be very painful and raising children on your own even harder, but it seems to me you are already alone. Sister, my advice to you is pray Istikhara and move on with your life. Maybe Allah has someone much better in your future inshaallah. From what you have written, your husband seems to be lacking in Islamic character, and that is good Islamic grounds for you to say enough is enough. I know my comment is a little late but I just saw your posting, but if you ever need a fellow Muslim sister to talk to, please contact me. My husband passed away many years ago and I have raised my children on my own, its not that bad and Allah gives us all strength when we need it. May Allah guide you and help you be strong to do what you need to do.


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bromuslim
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Posted on Sat, Jun 24, 2006 11:16

salam..god bless you sister, i think the best thing is to ask an imam let see what they say. god bless you, and if you decided to get devorce and wanted to choose a husband you should pray to alllah , do istikhara salat and put the Religiousness first not looking or Wealth wasalam


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sadira
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total posts: 8
Posted on Fri, Jun 23, 2006 10:14

sis,remember, ALLAH will help those who help themself.Reading ur blog,i got the feeling that u r 'afraid' about wht will happen if u leave him,e.g children,lonely etc,well sis,its true that GOD is testing you! that is all the reason to use GOD'S precious gift to mankind called 'thinking',look luv,if u think leaving him is scary,think of those people that had to face earthquake,floods & other natural disasters,life goes on....,it is GOD'S greatest gift....life, don't let him ruin it for you. DO NOT ALLOW him because if YOU do then its not entirely his fault.


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aries76
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total posts: 35
Posted on Fri, Jun 23, 2006 04:42

Asalamu Alaimkum warahmatulla I was reading this below and thought of you so I just added it here. "If a woman fearteth ill-treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better." Surah Iv. 128 Hope you are doing well!! God bless you!


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scintilating
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total posts: 32
Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 05:51

walaykumsalam warahmatullahi wabarakatahu wamaghfirah It really hurts ,when someone maintains some extra affairs with marraige.May Allah guide u right path.But sister divorce is such extreme step tht i can't ask u to do so,and no scholar will suggest u to do so.But its up to u sis.Listen sis wht ever things comes in life is from Allah,wht ever He does its for benefit for us or testing u ,or coz of some of our deeds.Hardtimes r from Allah He is testing u and if u win this then u won Allah.This is Asbaab dont trust on Asbaab,if someone trusts on Asbaab then he/she is worshipping to shaitan.so dont believe on things or Asbaab and move on by things naafa/nuqsan is from Allah and what ever he does is beneficial for us or might help us in hereafter. I hope everything will be fine inshallah.


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aries76
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total posts: 35
Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 02:27

salam, He has commited adultery again and again and you said he treats you poorly when he is with the other women" - he is nasty. He decieved you. You should at least give yourself a seperation for a year and you will develop better and gain your self confidence away from him. You should pray to Alla for strenth and guidance. Please don't worry about the children unncessarily when you are doing the right thing. You don't want to do the wrong thing thinking wrongly that it's right for the children. If the problem is you love him too much but you are sure it's not gonna work out then you can pray to God to help with your feeling and not let your feeling misguide you and everytime you think of him you can deliberately have an alternative thoughts. Don't get too down. Thank God for what you got and be grateful and He will take care of you and in return you can love and take care of your children, the needy, your friends, family.......... Forgive me if this hasnt' helped or I have written aload of rubbish, but God willing everything will work out for you.


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keyseruk
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Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 00:58

Stay strong sister, have faith in Allah and pray, All I can say is talk to a close aunty or relative, they can really help in these situations. I really do feel a sense os sadness, try once more talking to your husband from the bottom of your heart and Inshallah we pray that this time he undertsnds...


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abu145
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Posted on Mon, May 29, 2006 00:25

hi how r u ? i hope u will be fine and nice.i read ur commints very bad i wants relation to u r u agry plz mail me and cntact me . thanks tacke care ALLAH HAFIZ


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basmah2000
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total posts: 20
Posted on Tue, May 23, 2006 06:43

May Allah give you all the patience you need sister. I have read your profile and it has touched me a lot. In my opinion i think you have done far too much for your husband. my advice to you is keep your trust in Allah because He is the One who will help you. Good luck with what ever decision you need to make.Also i suggest you should pray Salah Istikara and ask Allah for guidance.Take care!!!


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yanti1979
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total posts: 21
Posted on Sun, May 21, 2006 19:16

Assalamualaikum as i know when a huband doesn't not do his obligations to wife for at least six months then wife may take any necessary decision. i read ur blog sister and i thought u have done everything u could to keep your marriage and to do your duty as wife...May Allah give you strength and wisdom to get through this hard time, May Allah reward you for your sacrifice and being so sabar facing all problems...there will always be time to say enough and moving on sister..Wassalam. Yanti


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