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Muslim Blogs > Thepreeciousone's blogs > Arranged Marriage Nightmare Not Only For Women But.......
Arranged Marriage Nightmare Not Only For Women But....... Sort by:
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thepreeciousone
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Posted on Mon, Sep 11, 2006 03:46

Slam...What you people think about this topic..... Arranged marriage nightmare is not a nightmare only for a women but it is a nightmare for a man also.... Because this is the most important and turning decision of our life....and we are not given any choice about that.... Your parents just say to you that this is the girl with whom you have to spend the rest of your life..... What should we do in this situation.....By discussing this ..i dont mean that i am in favour of loved marriage....but what should i do....i am confused..... because i am facing this situation right now..... Please give some comments on that....because some of you are already married....may be arranged....or love....Please share some of your experiences so that i can get some guidance in this desperate situation..... Best Regards.....


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Siniram
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Posted on Mon, Dec 04, 2006 19:59

I truly dont know what to say even thought I want to help you, I dont think I would marry anyone I dont love and my parents foced me to do this ......I just couldnt


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thepreeciousone
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Posted on Fri, Nov 24, 2006 06:31

Assalam o Alaikum Thanks A lot every body who have taken interest in my blog..... Just to clarify one thing....some friends have not understood the topic correctly....or may be it was my fault that I couldnot explain it in a much clear way........ The problem is your parents are not forcing you to marry a girl....they are just looking two or three girls for you and then asking you to marry any one of them....Now my problem is how can I marry a girl whom I dont know or whom I have never seen before in my life. At least to know her to some extent I have to meet her for two or three times...which is again ?N ISLAMIC..... So what should I do....... some friends have given a suggestion about ISTIKHARA....and some said Pray to Allah to find the best life partner which HE(Allah) thinks is the best for myself..... May be now I have made my problem a bit easier to understand for you people FEE AMAAN ALLAH


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AbdullahKh
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Posted on Sun, Nov 12, 2006 18:22

Aranged marrige is haram! SubhanAllah what are we wild animals or even worse hindus(non muslim ones)? How can such thin take place in society that is so proudly proclaimes to be muslim. I feel sorry for all the sisters that got hurt in this most cruel of ways ( it could be considered as rape in some circules ) There is a sahih hadith where Muhammed (pbuh) canceles aranged marrige - saying that this is not a marriage!!! It is not valid marriage!!! Woman should be agreed without presure, but with love and care for her well being. Damn you stupid parents, damn you.


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rosina
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Posted on Sat, Nov 11, 2006 12:47

Assalamu Aleikum Dear brother I do not know if i am too late to comment on your situation, but i will try anyway. By islamic law it is haram to force or coerce anyone into marriage. And it is not illegal to meet the person and talking to her, before making a decision, as long as it is in public. I work as a counselor in my spare time, and have encountered both men and women with miserable lives because of a forced marriage. I think it is not enough to just put your faith in Allah (swt), that is refusing responsibility for your own life. But pray that Allah (swt) will show you the way to deal with things and act on it, do not just sit and wait for things to happen. I wish you all the best. May Allah (swt)have mercy on us all.


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Posted on Thu, Nov 09, 2006 10:21

assalamalaikum brother.i got arranged marriage but my life been so bad for last 8 odd years.very bad bro.im now near divorce but my heart aches for this woman whom ive married to for last 17 years because she is a creation of allah swt just like rest of us.but unless 2 ppl agree then i disagree.hope this helps wasalaam


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thepreeciousone
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Posted on Tue, Sep 26, 2006 06:22

Wassalam...66midah...thanks for your dua for me....Insha Allah I will pray to Allah for this particularly in Ramzan... Thanks for your suggestions....once again.


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66midah
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Posted on Fri, Sep 15, 2006 01:36

Salaam to all, In my opinion,Marriage whether its arranged or otherwise can be a potential nightmare..Before agreeing into an arranged married as in love marriage too, one has to ensure the partner adhere to islamic teaching,its always better to check they fit the criteria encouraged in islam..I have been married for 10 years,it was a love marriage,i wasn't spared the trial and turbulation as in any marriages but I have strong faith in doa..Time and again Allah has proven to me if I strengthen my faith in Him and perform my solat and continued doa, He will show The Right Path..Ask for His guidance,continue your istikharah..Allah will never dissapoint you..Gd luck.May Allah Bless u with the Right decision


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thepreeciousone
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Posted on Fri, Sep 15, 2006 01:17

Slam.... Actually this is a part of our society,culture and also religion... That your parents search a girl\boy for your marriage...This is mostly like that in our country.... So I think i have to live with that....lets see what happens in the near future.... I definitely need your duas...any ways....it was good to have some suggestions about your personal life from friends so far away.... Currently i am also far from my parents...i am doing my masters from Germany..... Best Regards....


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thepreeciousone
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Posted on Wed, Sep 13, 2006 00:33

Salam... Yes you are right Fatima22 that a woman has to face such situations as you have mentioned. But as i have mentioned i was talking about the situation before marriage....like your parents choose three girls for you and then say that...these are the three girls from whom you have to decide your future partner...then how can you decide...without meeting them or without talking to them....because this is not allowed in Islam.... This was a question in my mind...please answer if you have some suggestions....


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fatima22
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Posted on Tue, Sep 12, 2006 10:27

Salams The thought never crossed my mind that arranged marriage could be a nightmare for guys as well. After all guys play a pivoting role in the family. They are the head of their family. They instruct and their wives are supposed to obey. If a guy is righteous and treats his wife well, i am sure his love will be returned equally and he can influence his wife in the right path. And a guy never has to face a situation where he would be the "second husband"! We females on the other hand are subjective to our husbands, and we may even be in a position of becoming their 2nd, 3rd or even 4th wife!! so it is important for us to be able to find a husband who could lead us correctly because if we marry the wrong guy, we are doomed to his treatments. Not many husbands can accept kindly the opposing opinions of the wives. The female wil be chided as being a bad muslim wife! That is our nightmare! But i do believe each one of us do have a choice. We have a choice to agree or disagree to a marriage. I have witnessed marriage ceremonies where the person who performs the marriage ceremony (i do not know what he is called...) would also ask the the bride whether she had fully agreed to the marrige. There is this respect given to the female as well. Parents must be made to understand that in Islam, they cannot force their children into marriage as afterall the one who has to bear the consequences are the children, not the parents. They can recommend a certain girl who they think is suitable for you but if somehow you do not strongly feel the same upon your glance and questioning more about her character, i would think you could still say 'NO'. I was in a similar situation. I prayed hard but did not feel any strong inclination so i had politely said i was not ready. And I thank Allah (swt) for this decision as much later i found out that the guy likes flirting with women and loves the attention he gets from females as he is rather good looking. May Allah (swt) guide you and relieve you from your anxiety soon.


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thepreeciousone
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Posted on Tue, Sep 12, 2006 06:20

Slam Every one out there.... Thanks a lot nailah2000 for your suggestions...i am highly obliged to you. The thing is that i have never seen that girl or talked to her...so the only thing which i can do is to have Faith in Allah...and do Istakhara Thanks again for your suggestions. Best Regards....


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