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<title>Blogs for fatima22.</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog?fatima22</link>
<description>When we look back upon our life, we will find that the moments when we really lived are the moments when we  had done things in the spirit of love. 

Why are we here? Simple... to hear and to be heard. And in the course, we form beautiful friendship,  we learn and enrich our lives...and we realise the Magnificence of Our Creator !</description>
<language>en-us</language>
<item>
<title>Older Woman /Younger Guy .. Can the chemistry work?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=200102</link>
<pubDate>12-NOV-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A male colleague with whom the lady gets along very well suddenly confessed his feelings for her and though she likes him too, there is the age factor problem.  

Although many have commented that the lady looks very much younger than her age, the fact is that the lady is more than 10 years older than the guy..... 

So the lady is wondering...

Can it really work? ... A much older women with a younger guy? And it is not about being just a few years apart ... What if the difference is more than 10 years??

Would the guy be able to take the constant pressure from society?

Imagine when the guy is 40+, the lady would be 50+ ... and further down, when the guy is 50+, the lady would be 60+ !

Can the guy's family accept the lady?  Worse still, the lady is as old as the guy's eldest sister !


Curious to hear from the males' perspectives ...or from any live experiences .....
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>To Split Or Not to Split ..??</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=200082</link>
<pubDate>07-NOV-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
If both parties, who are rather elderly, and are quite certain that there is absolutely no hope of reviving the lost love and happiness in their marriage, and who have been constantly qarrelling, and putting up a "show of bliss" in front of their friends and relatives, would it be better for them to 

a) Proceed for a divorce, so perhaps each can find happiness elsewhere, and still enjoy their remaining years?

          OR

b) Continue the drama (...because they are already elderly) and stay on for the sake of : convenience, habit, avoidance of shame, disruption in their social status,  problems for their children and any other excuses they can find ....??
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>My Honest Friend...</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=200022</link>
<pubDate>02-NOV-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I have a friend who never lies to me
He'll let me know if I look good
He'll even clearly show if I look terrible

Pimples and wrinkles can't escape him
What more if I try to hide a slight bulge 
Whilst holding my breath

But despite his criticisms, 
I am never angry with him

He is the only one who can be straight with me
And gets away with it
 
In fact it would be beneficial 
If I could exploit his honesty even more

That he may make me realize 
The faults in my character

So that I could make the conscious effort
To change for the better

Have you met my honest friend?
I am sure you know him too 

His name is MIRROR. .
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>ANYWAY</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199902</link>
<pubDate>30-SEP-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
~  Anyway  ~
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered; 
     Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
     Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies;     
     Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, they may cheat you;
     Be forthright anyway.
What you spent years building, they may destroy overnight;
     Build anyway.
The good you do today, they often will forget tomorrow
     Do good anyway. 
Give the world the best you have, and it will never be enough;
     Give the world the best you've got anyway. 
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them, 
     Anyway.
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Please don't let go of my hand...</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199862</link>
<pubDate>26-SEP-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Had a terrible time at work ... pressing datelines.. difficult customers ... tiresome task to undo a major mistake created by a colleague .. agitated boss ..
 
Whilst driving home today , a sudden thought came to me to stop by the beach.  I had always loved hearing the sound of waves ... they can be very soothing..

Glad to find the beach almost deserted... 

As I sat alone, enjoying the peacful atmosphere, the sun began to set ... 

Then I decided to do my maghrib prayers at the beach ...

Took out my plastic sheet and compass to determine the direction of the qibla... and under the kind protecction of the branches of a nearby tree .. i poured my heart out to The One who created all that i was experiencing around me then...

It was awesome... afterwards, a surge of peace and contentement engulfed my being... it was like a huge load was taken off my shoulders and i felt light hearted and ready to face the coming challenges 

Then I realised that for some moment, I forgot ...Forgot that He was always holding my hand .. leading me along .. He made me take that route to the beach .. His way of comforting me as He only knew how ..... 

I then asked Him to never ever let go of my hand... Even if i had to go through fearsome tunnels and depressing alleys, please... please... constanlty hold my hand ... For i know there'll be a hopeful light and a brighter welcome at the other end ... if He was holding my hand throughout the journey ...

A coincidence is a small miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous



By the way, I highly recommend anyone to experience praying in the open on a quiet beach ... The sensation is indescribable
]]></description>
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<title>A piece of true love and humanity ....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199842</link>
<pubDate>15-SEP-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
THE DECENCY OF ANY SOCIETY CAN BE MEASURED BY HOW IT TREATS ITS MOST VULNERABLE CITIZENS......  

[ Bear with the length of the story ... you won't regret the ending ! ] 

All The Way Shay!  
Author Unknown  

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt . His father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the way Shay!"

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third, Shay, run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

"That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world".

Young Shay would never forget what it felt like to be a hero that day. 

Neither would the other boys.




[.........This story never fails to bring tears to my eyes each time I read it ...]
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>What Made You Smile Today?...Share with Us..</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199722</link>
<pubDate>31-AUG-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
It's depressing to open the newspapaers or hear the news over the radio/tv .... bad economy, fighting, killing, robbing, etc, etc ... 

Heavy clouds loom on most people's lives... Entering the office, I can sense the bad mood of my boss, almost every day!......And all people talk about these days ...are the downturn in the economy, bad business, lower salary, high costs, unemployment, etc ... 

The only way to bring some spark of joy (and sanity..!) would be, I think, to make the effort to count our blessings.. 

So the idea came for this blog... 

Why not reflect on what made us smiile today ..... ?

People will argue that this won't solve anything... they may be correct... but at least for a moment ... it would make us forget the miseries we cannot run away from ... and serve like a 'vitamin'... to energize us further...

So why not share your joy ? ... Contribute your inputs ... and make us all smile with you ...

As a start, here's my 'smile factor' for the day .. 

Today my mother made chicken soup for me ! :)

I was down with a bad flu for a couple of days .. when my mum heard about it she was mad cause I refused to stop fasting and take my medications according to the prescribed timings... (btw, she is not a muslim so she doesn't understand Ramadhan..)  

After our phone conversation in the morning, I thought nothing more about our discord and went to sleep... 

In the late afternoon, there was a knock on my door... and there was my mum ... with a doggy bag! She had brewed her special chicken soup and brought it over to my place so that I could  consume it when I break my fast... 

I've never been so happy to see my mother ....and even better ... I had missed her special soup! ...  Oh! and I forgot to mention... she even took the trouble to get a new pot and utensils to cook the soup, and  the chicken and all the ingredients were from a halal store .... Mothers are the Best !
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199742</link>
<pubDate>02-SEP-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Hospital Windows
Author Unknown

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. 

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

And every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. 

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. 

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to
find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the world outside. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it for himself.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Question of Love.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199662</link>
<pubDate>30-JUL-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Most relationship books or articles display the question : 'How to get the love you need' ... or 'How to keep love', etc.... 

But the right question to ask should be " How do I become a more loving human being..."

Like a 'Smile reciprocates a Smile'... then 'Being More Loving reciprocates 'Being More Loved'... would it not ?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>The Real Meaning Of Peace</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199702</link>
<pubDate>31-AUG-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The Real Meaning Of Peace
Author Unknown
    
  
 There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist
who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists
tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But there
were only two he really liked, and he had to choose 
between them. 
One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a 
perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains all around
it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. 
All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect 
picture of peace.

The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged 
and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all.

But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest - in perfect peace.

Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?

"Because," explained the king, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>The No. 1 Problem Couples Face ...</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199642</link>
<pubDate>30-JUL-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Listening to couples having trouble in their relationships, I realised that the No. 1 problem that couples face is : RESENTMENT.

Resentment is the feeling of persistent ill will or displeasure, towards the other person, over something that he or she may have done or said to hurt us ... and which we continuously keep in our heart.

Most times we say we forgive ... but seldom do we completely forgive ...and harder still for us to completely forget the incidents. And when an argument erupts, there is a tendency to bring up the old matter, even when it has no relevance to the new argument... 

If we allow resentment to build, that pent-up emotion will cause us to withdraw from our partners, especially emotionally. And this situation could spiral out of control if we let it. 

Instead of allowing resentment to simmer within us like a cancer that penetrates all the areas of our life, and cause us to have a negative perception of your partner, it would be better to try to forget and forgive genuinely and not "dig up the grave"

This is healthier for us emotionally....reduces the hiccups in our relationships and makes for a happier cohesion....

Like the saying "Forgive And Forget"... let's try to look forward positively .. and not backward negatively... in our relationships....
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Would you give away a gem</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199422</link>
<pubDate>24-JUN-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman. 
"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone."
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Love Remains but Romance Dies Out.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199382</link>
<pubDate>19-JUN-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
In the beginning couples can't wait to see each other or hear from each other, to a point that if these are not fulfilled, they miss each other tremendously....

After they become a committed item, the eagernes, excitement and romance begin to fade, most often from the part of the guys.

Even if the relationship is still strong, and the couples get along real well, somehow the 'sparks' are not the same any more... Why is this so? 

The chase always seem more thrilling, but once the pursuit is caught, a relaxed atmosphere is adopted ..  

Girls have a tendency to wish for the initial excitement to prevail, while the guys seem oblivious to this.

Any advice for couples to maintain the romance in their relationship?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Who Makes Your Life A Living Hell ?...</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199362</link>
<pubDate>04-JUN-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Currently for me... it's my Boss!!

Why?... Cause...
My reverting to Islam has changed my socialising....

He lost a partying, dancing partner...
He lost a travelling partner...
He lost a late night supper partner who bothers to listen to his woes and entertain his mood swings.....
He dislikes my covered-up attire and misses my previous frequent varied hairstyles....

How is he making life a living hell for me?

By stifling my promotions...
By assigning me to the more difficult customers ...
By appointinng me to take charge of the more dreaded projects...
By not lending his support for any of my ideas or suggestions...
By making me remedy the mess made by other colleagues..


Why I am still around ?

Because I like my job...
Because I know I am good at it ....
Because I dare to do my job my way and gain satisfaction from the favorable outcomes, despite his efforts to ridicule my methods ....
Because my clients appreciate and support me ...
Because I want to survive the challenge ...


But most of all ...
Because hell here is more bearable than the Hereafter !
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Against Secular Life ....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=199222</link>
<pubDate>12-MAY-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A friend of mine was lamenting about her son who suddenly decided to stop pursuing his university education and concentrate instead on  learning arabic and the Quran. He is not interested to pursue any further 'secular' educations or any career saying that rezeki is in the hands of Allah swt, so he would just see what is willed for him by Allah swt. He said that in the Hereafter, we will not be questioned about our highest qualifications so it is pointless to spend this life for such pursuits. He has stopped watching t.v or listening to music, or going out with friends.. he spends his time praying, reading the quran and doing any chores that his parents ask of him.  And if only his parents would allow, he wants to migrate to live in a muslim country because he is against non muslim authorities and governing regulations. He just wants to prepare for the Hereafter and live his life according to the Quran, as he said this present life is a temporary abode...To him, advancement in this life are just human's manifestation and desires ... and he should not succumb to them ... 

His parents are worried that their son is being guided towards the wrong concepts of Islam... 

What do you think ?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Islam Elevates the Woman's Status??</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=198562</link>
<pubDate>02-JAN-09</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A friend of mine is in a marriage where the husband preaches that in Islam, 
1)The husband is the "King" of the household.  
2)His duty is solely to provide for the financial needs of the family. ..  
3) The wife and children cannot question his decisions or ask where he is going or why he needs to go out...
4) The wife must be obedient to her husband and serve him well...
 5) The wife cannot go any where, even to get groceries, without the husband's permission ...
6) the wife cannot answer back her husband in a defiant or reproachful manner..

So every day, my friend is cooped in the house... her husband comes home from work, spends about an hour at home ... then he goes out... and returns very late at night or in the early mornings and this happens every day of the week.. and on weekends he refuses to bring the family out saying he is too tired and just wants to laze at home...
If the wifes questions where he goes or what he does... she will be reproached as being a bad muslim wife...
 The wife is highly educated with a U degree.. was holding a top managerial post befor marriage...but now has become subservient when she became a Muslim wife...

Is this correct ???

Whether in a Muslim or non Muslim marriage, I feel RESENTMENT ... is one of the main cause of relationships drifting apart.. ..specially resentment that has been harboured for too long.

It starts as a dissapointment...
If nothing is done about it, it turns to disgust....
Then, if still left unattended, it turns to anger ....
And if no effort is made to discuss or voice the matter out, then it becomes irreversible and by that time the couple would have drifted too far apart to hope for reconciliation... for by then they would have become like strangers to each other...

Happy are the couples who can be frank and open with each other .. who are able to view adverse comments constructively and not let their ego get in the way...

No hope for the couples in a relationship where the husband insists superiority at all times .. and worse still .. when he says that he did not make the rules.. Islam made the rules for the husband !!
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>TOO STRESSED  FOR LOVE</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=198522</link>
<pubDate>26-DEC-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
FOR WOMEN:
Having a job or career is often no longer a choice for most women, but a necessity.

Plus when she returns home from work, she is still responsible for creating a beautiful home and nuturing her family.  She has to do this around the demands of her job. She has to balance the demands of work and home.

FOR MEN:
Insteadof coming home to rest and recover from a stressful day, a man faces a wife and family who need more from him.  His wife expects more help from him to run the household and participate in their children's busy schedules.  No longer enjoying the sense of accomplishment that comes from being a provider, he returns home to his next job.  He attempts to provide some measure of support, but he has not had the time he needs to recover from his daily stress.  Eventually he too becomes tired and irritable.

FOR WOMEN & MEN:
After tending to the many duties of domestic life, there is little time or inclination for couples to concentrate on their relationship 

FOR ME:
Considering the above....am I wrong to treasure my single status ...?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>YO GA ...NO GO..</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=198442</link>
<pubDate>23-NOV-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Read the news recently that there is a call in Malaysia to ban Muslims from doing yoga

A senior Islamic cleric has expressed that Muslims in Malaysia should not practice yoga because it will erode their faith in Islam. 

He was quoted as saying "Yoga is forbidden for Muslims. The practice will erode their faith in the religion. We advice Muslims not to practice yoga. It does not conform with Islam."
He said yoga involved physical and religious elements of Hinduism including the recitation of mantras. He even called on state authorities to punish those who do.

Is he correct? What are your views?

... Guess several yoga centres and instructors in Malaysia will be affected badly if this ban goes through... 

And those who practise yoga as stress busters, may need to find other alternatives ...
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>We can't all be Superman....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=198422</link>
<pubDate>20-NOV-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Are you out to impress with falsehood or are you honest enough to yourself .. and to others?

I was at a social function and a guy was rattling away throughtout the whole event about his qualities and his achievements. I got so weary of listening to his humongous self praises that before I walked away, I told him that all the achievements he claimed cannot be credited to him alone because there is no might or power without the Will Of Allah swt

Later I found out that 75% of what he said were untrue.

I can't understand why there are some who continue to resort to such habits.

Everyone knows nobody is perfect...

It is ok to make mistakes; it is ok to falter; it is ok to be lacking in some qualities... we all can't be Superman... What is important is how we deal with those weaknesses and failures.

There are some who are very conscious about what people think of them that they often resort to fabrications. But don't they realise that the truth would eventually surface? When this happens, it is worse.....  not only will people not think highly of them...  it woud make people think BADLY of them instead!

May we, and myself included, be always reminded that we are powerless on our own .... All praises are rightly due to Our Creator.....
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>What qualities attract you...?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=198322</link>
<pubDate>29-OCT-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
.... unpretentious
.... dependability
.... optimism

in addition:

..... the courage to admit one's own mistakes
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Teddy BARE ...</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=198382</link>
<pubDate>10-NOV-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Just wanted to get some views .....

I have a huge teddy bear...  This teddy bear was a Chritmas gift from my dad when I was 8 years old. Later, my parents separated but I have kept this teddy bear with me and it has  since been my constant "companion" at my bed. 

Recently, a muslim girlfriend slept over at my place.  When she saw the teddy bear, she said that as I am now a muslim, it is not right to possess teddy bears or any dolls... Is this correct?

The teddy bear is sentimental to me because it was from my dad who no longer lives with me... But being a muslim now... do i really have to get rid of it??
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Women & Men Relate Differently .....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=198342</link>
<pubDate>06-NOV-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The past few days,  I was preoccupied with calls from my girlfriend.  She was troubled that her boyfriend seemed to be emotionally distant from her. 

I told her many times to just ask him up front what was troubling him but she refused and preferred to do the guessing game.. that he was bored with her, that he may have found someone new..etc, etc, She was afraid that if she were to ask him directly, she won't be able to face the truth and their relationship may have an early termination....

Tired of patronizing her suspicions, I asked the guy directly what was troubling him and disocvered that he actually had some problems with his superior and he was contemplating changing his job. He did not tell his girlfriend about this as he did not want to trouble her. He was unaware that he was subconsiously giving negative signals to his girlfriend and that she was sensing some distance.

Anyway, the air is cleared now & both are happy again.

Lesson learnt ... relying  on suspicions and assumptions may just worsen things. Get the truth... it saves unneccessary sorrows. And even if the truth hurts, I feel it is better to know and accept the truth than to embark in a world of pretence..

I realise that men are less prone to express their emotions. They tend to keep things to themselves.  Women on the other hand cannot understand why men do not open up easily or voluntarily to them. 

Women mistakenly expect men to react and behave the way they do while men continue to misunderstand what women really need...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Split Pea...</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=198242</link>
<pubDate>22-OCT-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I recently got to know a guy and am amazed by the similarities of our characters, our likes & dislikes and the many coincidences that occurred, even though we are from different backgrounds ...

We discovered that we both like the same food, we have the same pet peeves, we enjoy the same favorite songs and pastimes, etc...

One day he gave me a bracelet and this was the EXACT bracelet, same design & brand, that i had seen and intended to buy for myself whilst i was passing by a store, but did not purchase at that time because it was already closing time for the shop...  I was alone when i saw the bracelet and did not ever mention this to him or anyone else....but what a surprise i got when i saw the gift!!

There were other incidents like when i was at the start of dialing his number to call, but before i could finish doing so, i'd receive a call from him instead... 

Or when i wanted to surprise him with some cakes and he actually bought the same cakes to surprise me.. so we ended with double the amount of the same cakes!!

There were other coincidences that are too lengthy to mention here, but.... they happened so often to a point that it seemd like we have some telepathy at work ...and it's like meeting one's own clone!! 

Though amazed.. it is somewhat "scary" .. Can two persons really think and feel so much alike ?  What about the "Venus vs Mars" theory??
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>IT IS UP TO US......</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=198222</link>
<pubDate>17-OCT-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Gosh, it's been quite a while since i visited this site.. But seems not much activities going on..  The regular bloggers are still around, thank goodness for that.. Would be great to read some new ones too...

Perhaps most are being caught up with the downturn state of the world... the ecomony downfall, tainted food, break up marriages... all around we read and hear about depressing news. 

Despite all these, life still has to go on. And though we cannot do much to change the circumstances surrounding us, we should try to put our efforts into something that we CAN Do... OUR OWN ATTITUDE...

There is a saying that no one can make us feel inferior if we don't want to... By the same token, noone can make us feel depressed if we don't want to...  

When we become less materialistic, less self-centered, and put our priorities in the right perspective, life should still be tolerable.  

Sometimes when I am down, sitting in the park and observing little children can be very theraupeutic. 

They take life as it comes to them, they enjoy their moments, they are true to themselves, they make the best of whatever materialistic possessions they get, they laugh delightfully,  they love purely, and life for them is an interesting  discovering journey..

To be able to still view life like them would indeed enrich  our own existence...

To them, i'd say... "Enjoy these precious moments, innocent little ones... before you grow up too soon... and become corrupted with the greed and selfishness of the adult world....."
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>The Most Important Person In Our Life....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=196091</link>
<pubDate>04-APR-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Was watching a movie about how a guy chose to follow his malicious wife against his own mother. My thoughts turned to us human nature. Why is it that for most cases, the most important person in our life will shift from our mother to our spouses after marriage?

At birth we are helpless and if not for our mothers, we would not be able to survive or grow to be the person our partners fall in love with.

Then after marriage, if faced with a situation to choose between our mother and our spouse/partner, we have a tendency to choose the later.

We do not miss our mother as much as we miss our spouse or girl/boy friend.

We can go for days not calling or talking to our mother but the minutes seem like hours when we do not talk to our lover.

We can go for months, even years, not seeing/visiting our mother, but we must see our lover every day, sometimes even more than once.

For at least 15 to 20 years of our life, we leaned on our mother for love, care and support.  She was there for us come rain or shine, in sickness or in health. Then when we are able to walk on our own, we throw away "our walking stick" and we take an oath to our spouse that "in good times or bad times, in sickness or in health, till death do us part"!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Die Hard Traditions....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=195291</link>
<pubDate>21-MAR-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
It was my mother's turn to host the Thanksgiving Dinner for her siblings but her maid had to take an urgent leave. She then asked me to help her out. 

Even though i no longer celebrate Thanksgiving since reverting to Islam, i agreed to help (welll, she is my mum after all!!) on condition that there were no pork dishes in the preparations and that i did not have to attend the dinner gathering and meet all the relatives, who no doubt will feel awkward in my presence.

While preparing the dishes with my mum, she started telling me about how her mum, and even her grandmother, used to do them and how she felt it was important to preserve the family traditions.  She then hinted about me.. that it was a pity i have decided to go away from the "family path" by becoming a muslim and discarded the family traditions.  

I couldn't help myself and asked her if one should keep the family traditions even if they were not correct. But being old and having an unchangeable mindset, my mum replied that even if I managed to convince her about Islam, she would still not forsake her family traditions.   

I could go on arguing with her but then i thought about the story of our Prophet's uncle. How even at his deathbed, Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) made great efforts to get his uncle to say the Shahahdah but without success, because his uncle chose to stick to his family's tradtions and beliefs. 

So who am i, then, to be able to change my mum's insistence to adhere to her family traditions?

However, i am fooling myself if i say i did not feel a liitle sad for not being able to be included in the family gathering. There were times i missed my relatives. It is never the same any more whenever we meet. Despite much efforts, there exist still a barrier between them &amp; me. I used to be close to my cousins but some of my aunts &amp; uncles do not like me to mix too closely with their children now as they are afraid i may "influence" them towards Islam. 

The loneliness and sadness are worse during the Islamic festivals. Yes, i always have friends around who never fail to ask me to join their families but it is still not the same. 

Seeing them shed tears when they ask for forgiveness from their parents and siblings, especially at Ramadhan, i cry in my heart and silently ask my mum to forgive me for not being able to join her in her christian celebrations the way she wants me to.  I know she misses me. I too miss her during my Islamic celebrations. And after the Eid prayers in the mornings, muslims go back home to await their visitors, i go back home to catch up on my nap! My Tradition!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Matchmaking for a different reason.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=192891</link>
<pubDate>04-MAR-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
If someone who was suffering from a terminally ill disease, such as cancer, were to propose to you, would you still marry him/her even though you know your time together may last for just a short time? 

The mother of a friend of mine is trying to arrange her to be married to her best friend's son who is suffering from cancer and who doctors say may just have a couple of months to live.  The parents are trying to fulfill a dying wish of the guy to be married before his time is up.  

My girlfriend likes the guy as a friend but she is uncertain if she wants to go through the stage of falling in love with him as a husband and then knowing that she will be suffering the loss of him very soon. 

Should she plunge into the pool or just stay ashore on safe land?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>IGNORANCE OF ISLAM...</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=190691</link>
<pubDate>12-FEB-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
As i walked through the streets and villages in China, i observed the life of the people.  They are all occupied about their livelihood and earnings and about getting by day to day that i doubt if they ever think much about religion or the hereafter.  For most of them their life will pass without even knowing about Allah swt, His Attributes and His gifts to them.  They may be nice people in their own way and they are just innocently following traditions that have been handed down from generations to generations because they have never been exposed to the knowledge of Islam. 

Then the thought came to my mind... 

Why did Allah still create them?  What is the purpose of their lifes on earth and what happens to them in the hereafter?

Should we be grateful that we are not amongst the ignorant?  Yet for most of us who have been chosen by Him to be amongst the priviledged ones to be exposed to His Existence and the Right Path, what are we doing about our life and how are we wasting this gift from Him? 

How about our children? Do we put in the effort to ensure that they are properly guided or like one muslim mother mentioned to me once, "It's uncool to insist our children (especially the girls) to dress in traditional garbs and disallow mixing with friends of the opposite sex, or disallow gestures of hand shakes or hugs of warm friendship casue these will make life difficult for them in this modern world. We don't want our neighbours to think we muslims are soooo backward!!" Gosh, when i heard this, i told the lady that she made Islam sound like some archaic religion!

We make excuses or we sweep under the rug, the teachings of Islam which we find unpleasing to man, at the expence of incurring the displeasures of Allah.  Yet we are dependant on Allah, the Exalted, for our EVERY happiness.

Writing this thought suddenly gives me goosebumps and fear of myself ever falling into that same trap, even unconsiously.  May Allah forgive and protect me, Insyallah.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Guidance Or Test ??</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=187091</link>
<pubDate>22-JAN-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Bumped into my ex, couple of months back. We were an item during my non muslim days. We got along very well actually; same wavelength, similar interests, even same sense of humour! Our difference was our status. His family was filthy rich; I was a mere commoner to them. And the biggest obstacle was his mother.

She had a girl in mind for him. Someone from an equally wealthy family. She openly showed her dislike for my non branded shoes, handbags, outfits, lack of gold jewellery. The truth is I never fancied gold or branded items. And till today, even though i could afford them, i am not inclined to indulge in them.

I eventually moved away from the relationship because to me, strong disapproval from the mother-in-law could create problems in the marriage in the long term.

So my ex did marry the girl of his mother's choice, but now they are divorced and no kids involved.

Being in contact recently, we discovered we still have the same chemistry. My ex is especially keen to bring our relationship to a deeper level, even to the point of converting to Islam. I have been stalling any reply because I am really not convinced that he wants to convert for the right reasons.

Two scenarios are derived:
1) Ideal man, genuine marriage intention, but doubtful love for Islam.
2) Ideal man, genuine marriage intention, doubtful love for Islam, but eventually with deeper learning and guidance would hopefully lead to genuine love for Islam.

Me mind's in a juggle...Should I plunge?  Is this perhaps Allah's way of  leading the guy to Islam or is this a test of my iman?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Simple Pleasures .....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=185291</link>
<pubDate>18-JAN-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
After jetting in and out of airports for the past several weeks, it was so nice to return to familiar surroundings!

Woke up and realised it was still in the wee hours of the morning.

Hmm....still not over the foreign jet lag.

Wide awake; impossible to go back to sleep.

Looked out of the window. 

Pitch black.

What to do?

Got it!

Check Audi.  

Start the engine.  

It purred beautifully.

Bravo! As usual....Always dependable.

Roads empty and everything seems on standstill.  

Except for the changing of the traffic lights.

Weather's perfect. 

Car stereo on.  

Soothing slow music playing. 
 
All the perfect combinations.
 
Like making the perfect cake!

Exuding feelings and emotions of tranquillity, serenity, tenderness, sentimentality.....

Formidable! Exhilirating Drive!

Absence does make the heart grow fonder!  

Absence makes us appreciate the things we take for granted....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Quoi Faire.... What to do?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=181291</link>
<pubDate>24-DEC-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
It's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Misplaced Amanah (Trust)</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=183091</link>
<pubDate>05-JAN-08</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Someone i know, who btw was a divorcee and had recently remarried, was trying to match me up with his friend. Apparently his friend had seen me and had asked him to arrange our meeting. My reply was negative but this guy kept pestering. Then what blew me off was when he said that he never fails to carry out an "Amanah" (Trust) and this is an "Amanah' that he intends to fulfill for his friend.

AMANAH(Trust)..Yes, there are often widespread teachings about this topic. That it is something a Muslim should not take lightly. However i feel that people tend to overlook to apply this teaching when it comes to marriages, and worse still, if divorce followed up!

During the weddings, irrespective of the religion, the gist of the marriage vows would usually go along the lines of the couples declaring that they would be faithful to each other, take care of each other, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do they part, etc, etc, etc.

This declaration, is it not done in the presence of so many witnesses at the wedding? Is this not an "Amanah" that has been declared? Then what happens after that?? How did some marriages end so badly? Most likely it was due  to either one or both parties failing to keep the Amanah.

Where is the trust and effort to be faithful, to care, to love, cherish and comfort each other, to have and to hold each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer??

In the course of caring, comforting, cherishing etc, when one partner is angry, is it not an Amanah for the other to appease the anger or for the angry one to see if he/she was wrong in being angry? When one is in the wrong, is it not an  Amanah to correct the wrong or accept to be corrected by the other? Is it not an Amanah to keep the love alive in the marriage? If money is the root of the problem, is it not an Amanah to find solutions, give support, encouragement to each other morally, emotionally, practically?

I am not accusing just the husbands or just the wives. The Amanah of keeping a marriage exciting, romantic, blissful, intact.. falls equally on both parties. It requires sincere efforts, forgiveness, kindness, mutual respect.  It takes two to clap, two to tango. It takes water to douse the fire, not fuel to feed the fire.

We take pains to be courteous, grateful, tolerant and generous with our praises to friends, clients, business associates, outsiders.. but often we take our spouses, children, family members for granted. To me, this is exercising Wrong Priorities... Misplaced Amanah...

Misplaced Trust...this is what i told my divorced parents too.. to me, they mocked the vows they took at their wedding...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>OPPRESSED WOMEN</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=180691</link>
<pubDate>20-DEC-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A Mufti (muslim scholar) sat next to a Reverend on a flight. The Rev asked the Mufti: "What is your occupation?"

Mufti: I'm into big business.  

Rev: But what business exactly?   

Mufti: I deal with God.

Rev: Ah, so you're a Muslim religious leader. I have one problem with you Muslims: you oppress your women.

Mufti: How do we oppress women?

Rev: You make your women cover up completely and keep them in the homes.

Mufti: Ah. I have a problem with you people: you oppress MONEY.

Rev: What? How can one oppress money?

Mufti: You keep your money hidden away, in wallets, banks and safes... You keep it covered up.  Why don't you display it in public if it's a beautiful thing?

Rev: It will get stolen, obviously.

Mufti: You keep your money hidden because it is so valuable. We value the true worth of women far, far more. Therefore, these precious jewels are not on display to one and all.  They are kept in honour and dignity....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>On bended knees....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=179891</link>
<pubDate>13-DEC-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
How do you deal with a surprised proposal for marriage??

When a guy springs with a surprised proposal for marriage, how does a girl respond without losing a beautiful friendship?

There are situations when you are caught unprepared and a guy suddenly proposes to you but actually marriage to him was never on your mind.  He has been a good and trusted friend but when this happens it puts you in a difficult situation because:

If you say 'NO' it would hurt the guy's feelings and you end up losing a very good friend, because he would have been embarassed and hurt by your response.

If you say 'YES' when you are actually not fully prepared, you still end up losing a very good friend because a one-sided marriage produces different expectations and comittments from the partners and the relationship will eventually turn sour.

It is such a sensitive situation....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Age Factor....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=179291</link>
<pubDate>08-DEC-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I have a friend who looks much younger for her age.  People often mistook her to be in her 20s even though she is past 30.

She had a colleague who was interested in her and kept trying to date her. Eventually she agreed and they got along well.  But on their 5th outing, he discovered that she was 4 years older than him. After that he stopped calling her and avoided to go out with her.  When she finally asked him why, he admitted that he was unconmfortable that she was older than him. 

Gosh, does the age of the lady really matters to guys? Who set the universal rule that the lady partner should always be younger than the guy ???  Or is it because we often succumb to  peer pressure and society's expectations?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Love - from One Male's Point of View</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=175891</link>
<pubDate>17-NOV-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Have you ever been in love? 
Horrible isn't it? 
It makes you so vulnerable. 
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart 
and it means that someone can get inside you 
and mess you up. 

You build up all these defenses, 
you build up a whole suit of armor, 
so that nothing can hurt you, 
then one stupid person, 
no different from any other stupid person, 
wanders into your stupid life.....

You give them a piece of you. 
They didn't ask for it. 
They did something dumb one day, 
like kiss you or smile at you, 
and then your life isn't your own anymore. 

Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness; 
so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' 
turns into a glass splinter 
working its way into your heart. 

It hurts.
Not just in the imagination. 
Not just in the mind. 
It's a soul-hurt, 
a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. 

I hate love.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Shared Wisdom</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=173891</link>
<pubDate>08-NOV-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.

==========
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you're a vegetarian. "

==========
" Have love for your friend unto a limit for it is possible he may turn into your enemy some day; and hate your enemy unto a limit for it is possible he may turn into your friend some day. "  
~ Saying of Ali ibn Abi Talib (ra)

==========
PEOPLE asked: " What is most beneficial for a man? "
IBN MUBAARAK: " Perfect intelligence. "

PEOPLE: " If he lacks perfect intelligence? "
IBN MUBAARAK: " Beautiful manners. "

PEOPLE: " If he lacks beautiful manners? "
IBN MUBAARAK: " Seeking advice from a kind brother. "

PEOPLE: " If he has no such brother? "
IBN MUBAARAK:  " Then silence. "
 
PEOPLE: " If he is unable to remain silent? "
IBN MUBAARAK:  Then death is best for him.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>And you said.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=175291</link>
<pubDate>13-NOV-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The football match was spirited
Despite my favored team losing
The concert was dynamic
Notwithstanding being accompanied by your yawning.
And you said "Bravo!"

The joggings kept us trimmed
The Nature Walk left mosquito bites
The sailings, my worst sunburn ever
The tennis, your sore knee
And you said "Ouch!"

You finally passed Sociology
I even scored in Mathematics
Your 23rd cake rose to heights
And I eventually parallel parked 
And you said "Eureka!"

You accomplished strikes on the alley
I managed to beat your score on the pc
You learnt to appreciate sushi
I survived escargots
And you said "Bon Appetite!"

You cheered me up when my hamster died
I cheered you up when your BMW smashed
You dragged me to my yoga classes
I dragged you to your gym sessions
And you said "Keep it up!"

But then why did you have to spoil them all  
They could have lasted, you know
The list came to a halt for me
When you said "I love you so!"
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Only the Wife wishes to embrace Islam........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=171691</link>
<pubDate>19-OCT-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum,

A married girlfriend wants very much to embrace Islam.  However her husband and children are very much against Islam.

If she really does convert, what happens to her marriage???

Can she remain married to the same husband or is it necessary for her to seek a divorce as the union would then be haram??
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>The Unimaginable !</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=168091</link>
<pubDate>18-SEP-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I appreciate good food and I enjoy cooking. Only problem is I live alone and there is so much that I can eat by myself.

But during Ramadhan, I usually bake or cook slightly more and would send some to a couple of my friends and neighbours.

I have a new neighbour and I like playing with their young children. This is their first Ramadhan in the neighbourhood and I had included them in the list of whom I would send some of the dishes for their breaking fast.  My intentions were purely in the spirit of Ramadhan, but yesterday I was surprised to discover that this action of mine was not welcomed.

The wife sent the cakes and food back to me and accused me of "wrecking" her marriage. Apparently her husband enjoyed my food and kept asking her why she cannot cook as well, and she gets very sensitive about this and they even end up quarrelling.

The sad part is that she even accused me of trying to show off my culinary skills and incinuate that I may have intentions of  seducing her husband!!  Despite my assurance that I had no ulterior motives, nor do I have any interest in her husband and that I was even prepared to give her the recipes if it would help, she still continued to accuse me of being brazen.

Mashaallah! It never crossed my mind that such a reaction was even possible! 

So I am now sharing this experience in the hope of enlightening both the ladies and the guys: 

Ladies, beware that such an unimaginable misunderstanding can occur.... 

And 

Guys, beware not to praise the cooking of another lady in front of your wives!! 

A reminder too that whatever success we may have, the credit is not actually ours to claim because they were made possible by Allah, the Exalted.  All praises are rightly due to Him, and that is why we should remember to say ..... Alhamdulillah!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Blessed Ramadhan to all....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=166491</link>
<pubDate>11-SEP-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum

For those in Singapore and Malaysia, past midnite tomorrow should be sahur time, which marks the beginning of Ramadhan for us! (Ramadhan in these areas starts on Thursday 13 Sept)

I love the Ramadhan month and look forward to it each time. A muslim cannot help but feel more sentimental and grateful to our Glorious Creator during this special month.  It is also our 'Bonus Month' where Allah, the Exalted, has promised forgiveness and rewards for us in many folds.

Treasure then, this period.  Make good use of this month and do not waste Allah's generosity away. 

I seek your duas to strenghten my iman and taqwa and I seek your forgiveness for any misunderstandings or hurt that I may have unintentionally caused by my past inputs or comments in the blogs or forums. 

Here's wishing muslim brothers and sisters all over the world, a Truly Blessed Ramadhan!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Marital Bliss</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=166091</link>
<pubDate>05-SEP-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I read a quote: "Faults are thick when love is thin", and I wonder why this is so, especially in Marriages.....  Why does love thin out after marriage?

Most couples are so madly in love before marriage, that the faults of their loved ones are usually  tolerable.   Why, then, are the same faults intolerable after marriage?  

I have seen couples who are so madly in love with each other that when you are with them, nothing gives them greater pleasure than to constantly talk about the strengths and virtues of their partners.   Meet the same couples some years after marriage and most of what you would then hear would be the weaknesses or vices of their partners!  
It is rare indeed to see old couples still holding hands with each other or talking affectionally to one another in public.  

If this is the general outcome of marriages, it is no wonder that there are some who fear to take that giant step into marriage. 

What would you say, is/are the missing ingredient/s to sustain the sparkle in marriage?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Under One Roof !</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=165291</link>
<pubDate>30-AUG-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
It is argued that polygamy is halal and that muslimahs should learn to accept and even favor this aspect.  It is sunnah...

But is it right to accept and favor the situation of all the wives living in the SAME HOUSE?

Did our Prophet (pbuh) practise this?

I have a friend whose husband is asking for this because he cannot afford to have 2 houses and is persuading his first wife to allow his second wife to live under the same roof.

Her fear is that, it would be hard for her to deal with her emotions and thoughts, especially during the nights when he spends with the other wife in the other room...

Human nature is such that it is never easy for any female to share her husband....... but logistic distance between the wives does help.  However when this access is denied, I wonder if the husband ever spare a thought about such feelings of his wives?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>How do I help him??</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=164491</link>
<pubDate>27-AUG-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Someone asked me to help tutor her teenage son who had problems in his school work. 

After much pestering form her, I agreed, and by God's grace, he did improve in his subjects.   Besides his lessons, he confides a lot in me and often asks for my opinions and advice on various matters.

However, couple of weeks back, he handed me a note expressing that he has developed deeper feelings for me. Of course I was taken by surprise and I sort of hinted to him that my feelings for him are purely that of genuine concern for his well being and for his academic performance.  

He took the response quite badly, cancelled his tuition lessons with me and thereafter refused to answer my calls.

Recently, his mother approached me and was angry with me saying that I had ruined her son's life because he has started to skip school, failed his class tests and she is worried about how he will perform in his final exams which are due soon!!!

Gosh! Never thought I'd get into such a situation with a teenager. Besides, our age differenc is so much apart that it never crossed my mind that he could have 'deeper' feelings for me!

What would be the best thing to do now??  

I cannot lie about my feelings for him, but I cannot also just ignore and see this poor boy ruin his academic chances.

Why do guys often misunderstand genuine concern for LOVE, as in a relationship??  

It has happened before with friends or colleagues but they eventually were able to cope with the truth.  But now that it involves the tender heart of a teenager, I am in the dark as to what I should do, as I fear to be responsible for his academic downfall.

Any suggestions, anyone?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Marriage should not be an imprisonment...</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=165091</link>
<pubDate>30-AUG-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Met my cousin recently and was surprised by his physical change....or rather his physical neglect.  

He was a sports enthusiast during his bachelor days, to a point we classified him as a fanatic.  He loved playing soccer, basketball, racketball; had won many tournaments and possessed a collection of trophies.  He also had a physique that was envied by most. So when I recently met him I was taken aback by his huge paunch, flabby arms and obvious negligence of his physical appearance.  

I asked him why he stopped his games after marriage.  He replied that it was because his wife did not like him spending time out with his friends.  They often quarreled about this issue as she preferred him to spend whatever free time he has after work, with the family. Even bargaining for outings with his friends just once a week, was not favored. Tired of all the hassles, he finally decided to give up all his sports interests to have peace in his marriage.

I find that is regretful for a husband to be restricted in such a way.  As long as he is a responsible husband, and does not go overboard with his activities or neglect his duties to his family, surely he should be allowed to go out with his guy friends once in a while or to pursue his sport interests...... In fact, it should be insisted that he does !!

I think it would be a refreshing remedy for the husbands, mentally as well as physically, to have time out with their guy friends, where they can still be "themselves" without female or children intervention.  Just like wives would also surely appreciate occasional time out with their girl friends to enjoy female indulgences. 

I feel that marriage should not be an imprisonment. There can still be togetherness without the need to suppress our individuality.  After all we are each bestowed with different talents and support for those talents that we lack may be an asset to the union, rather than an impediment.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>SIMPLIFY  LIFE ?!........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=158291</link>
<pubDate>01-AUG-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Gosh! I went through a hectic and stressful phase! 
Feeling real lousy at the moment! resilience on the low level....

Heavy workloads .......
Constant business travels ......
Staff problems .....
One of the children at a Home, who I am sponsoring financially, got into trouble....
Friends, thinking because I am single, it is OK to just call me up in the middle of the night to cry their heart out when they have quarrels with their husbands/families......
And now I am down with some flu virus and my whole body and head, ache terribly........

Suddenly I woke up with the thought: What is LIFE all about??  

Why am I working so hard??     Eventually it ends with death and then all the problems will be insignificant........  

Why am I driving myself so hard?? Eventually even all that I have earned will be left to someone else to spend on my behalf......

Why stress myself with other people?s problems??  The sun will still rise the next day......

If only I could get out from this routine;
Forget about financial security;
Maybe travel round the world leisurely; 
Work at each place just to get enough to fund my next travel expenses; 
Do not get dragged into other peoples' problems;
SIMPLIFY MY LIFE!!
And when I am old and physically weak, settle at one place and await my end;

Would this be the ideal lifestyle?

Anyone can tell what is there really to look forward to in THIS Life??

Or is the flu virus playing tricks in my head?? X(
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>A kind word to the living....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=156291</link>
<pubDate>12-JUL-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum

I lost a friend.. he met with an accident.  

At his funeral, many of his friends and relatives were singing praises about him... but the guy is already dead !!  Would have been nice if he knew how much he was appreciated when he was still living :(

I myself wished i had told him how grateful i was for the many occasions he encouraged me in my work.  
When others were always pessimistic of new ideas he, on the other hand, would always push me on..... and his motto was always, "someone has to start before others would know about them....."

I now realised that we tend to save our praises till after it is too late.  Or that we are often thrifty with our praises but generous with our complaints...

Well, why not praise the living, if they do deserve the praises,  while we have the chance?  They can't hear us when they are dead, so what's the point?

Go on... make someone's day.... a kind word may well make the difference in a person's life...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Hijab....Support  From Guys Too.??</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=16481</link>
<pubDate>28-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Aslmkm

I met an ex colleague and she gasped when she saw me in hijab.  She asked **What happened?? Why?? If you have it, flaunt it (refering to the female physique), afterall God gave us these assets! How to get a guy interested in us if we are all covered up??** 

Unfazed, I explained our difference in opinion........

When we are at a book store and we intend to buy a book, the natural thing to do is to browse through the books, then when we decide to buy a copy for ourselves, which copy do we take?  

Most likely we do not want to choose the one that has been exposed and touched by many, but we would take the one that is still wrapped and in good condition.

This, I feel,  is likened to the female in hijab.  

When a guy intends to search for a bride, he looks around, and I would think that any Allah-fearing muslim would be inclined to choose the female who is modestly covered in hijab where her physical beauty has not been exposed and her social and physical interaction with other guys had not been so liberal.

Another beauty of the hijab is that when a man chooses you for his wife, at least you can have some  assurance that he must have been attracted to you for your inner beauty because your physical beauty was previously hidden from him.  

He must have been attracted to your mind, your mannerism and character, because only these can be observed while you are in hijab.  Then when the union is formed, he can still be awed by your physical beauty which has been guarded solely for the special one.

Physical beauty fades with age,  but inner beauty is more tangible. A union based on the attraction of the inner beauty would help to stand the test of time in marriage.

Hope this would encourage more muslimahs to see the added wisdom behind Allah's swt command for the hijab and not be discouraged by those who put you down for your decision in wearing the hijab.

My analysis above is based on a female's point of view.....Wonder if the guys are of the same view ???

From some other blogs, sisters have voiced their dilemma that though in faith the brothers claim they support the hijab but in practice they tend to pick the non-hijab.......is this the human tendency???
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Muslimah's Hairdo.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=151291</link>
<pubDate>16-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Recently someone mentioned that there was an outcry about a muslim actress shaving her head bald for a role she was playing. 

Though personally i've always liked the long hairdo, i am curious to know if it is correct that there is a rule in Islam that a muslimah cannot shave her head bald (unless for medical reasons..) or is it just a public consensus that it is unfeminine to do so?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>LOVE -- The  Culprit</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=149891</link>
<pubDate>13-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
During one of my interactions with children in an orphanage, a child forwarded a piece of paper with the following text:

------------
    
LOVE is the Culprit .....

Love for Someone causes pain, heartaches, jealousy, possessiveness....

Love for Money causes never ending need to work....

Love for Recognition causes anger for being unoticed....

Love for Appreciation causes resentfulness for lack of acknowledgment of the things we do for others......

Love for Success casues rivalry, envy, competition....

Love for Self causes an inflated Ego....

Love for Power causes the on going Fightings and Wars ....
 
The list can go on and on but  ultimately LOVE for anything has a price to follow and adverse reactions to face.  Even Love for Allah puts us in constant tests and sacrificies...

If we are void of the feeling of LOVE, wouldn't Life be much simpler and happier?

Why did Allah create the feeling of LOVE in humans?

-----------

The child is only 11 years old and already he has such sentiments!

The children of today are so advanced in their thinking and their worries....

When i was at that age, my worries were more about the pimples on my face and the reaction of my parents when they see my  report book!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Stop Befriending a Muslim......</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=149301</link>
<pubDate>10-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A close friend for many years recently got married and i was so happy for her.

Then she started avoiding me and my calls....

Initially i thought it was because she was busy attending to her husband's needs.  Later she confessed that her husband had actually forbade her to assoiciate with me any longer because i am a MUSLIM! 

Apparently before marriage he tolerated our friendship because he did not want to anger her or lose her. But now that the nuptial knot has been tied, he has exercised his authority as her husband. If she insisted to go out with me, they would have a big fight...

So i told her to stop her outings with me and i would do the same and not call her, as i do not want to disrupt their marriage. In fact her husband has even sent me an email telling me to stop contacting his wife!

It hurts....... but i guess as a muslim, i will have to face the reality that such prejudices will exist.....more so today, when we are labelled as terrorist, fundamentalist, extremist, and whatever more adverse " --ist " that they can conjure to tag us with...
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Brothers...if u can assist....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=149091</link>
<pubDate>09-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A dear friend has just broken off with his girl and he is really suffering lots......He confided in me and all i could do at this stage is lend a listening ear.  I wish i could help him further...it makes me helpless to know he is in tears when he relates his story. 

He had to go overseas for a job assignment and during his absence his girl found another guy...  

But are there any solutions that i can suggest to him that would help make him feel stronger and take his mind off the girl so that it would not hurt so much?

He has lost touch with most of  his friends as he was devoting his whole time and attention on his girl throughout the realtionship.   Somehow he still kept my contact and decided to call me. 

I am unfamiliar as to how guys get over such pain. For girls at least we could go shopping together or indulge in a chocolate eating spree or something...

But how do you guys cope with such things??? How to help him stop the urge to want to call the girl and beg for her to take him back?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Why Muslim???</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=147891</link>
<pubDate>08-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A muslim girl wrote to me and asked me why, of all the religions, i made the regretful choice of becoming a muslim...... when she, if she could help it, would very much wish she was not born a muslim. But she fears to go against her parents. Her reasons......

They world regards muslims as terrorists and fear to associate with us.  We move around in fear. We face hostile reactions.  We seem unwelcomed anywhere....

Employers regard muslims lowly and doubt our capabilties to do the job, so job seekers have a tough time.

Those already employed are not earmarked for promotions as easily as non muslims.

Muslimahs are restricted in their choice of jobs because of their hijab.

Muslimahs are deprived of a lot of freedom and experiences as they cannot go to the disco, mix freely with the opposite sex, dress beautifully in the latest fashions, restricted in their travels, cannot enjoy beach activities or swim in public, etc, etc, etc... 

As a muslimah she feels suffocated, retarded,  restricted...

To her being a muslim is a like being in Prison!

Ultimately she says it takes a lot of courage to be a muslim....but she also thinks it is stupid of anyone to want to do so.......

Care to comment??
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Idea of God to Christians.........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=142491</link>
<pubDate>15-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I was born a catholic and had been very active in church activities.  Later i was attracted to the Protestant doctrine till i stumbled on Islam

Being the only child, GOD was (and still is..) my closest 'Friend' and i was always searching to get closer to Him.

When i was little, i spoke to Him everyday, related to Him, confided in Him and i even wrote to Him as i kept a diary with daily entries that started with, "Dear GOD....". The adults thought i had created an imaginary friend as they could see me always "talking to someone"

I always felt His presence in my life. Whatever the turn of events may be in my life, i felt He was always leading my hand..... from the subjects i chose in school, the competitions i took part in, my jobs, my travels, my encounters.... He played a part in all of them...

Later, the reasons that took me away from christianity was the very idea of GOD that is perceived by the christian doctrine.  

I find it is unjustified to say that God has a "Son" and degrading to say that God needed a "Son" to come down and die for our sins, or that God would make others accountable for their sins... like the concept of babies being born with original sins...... 

A criminal is a criminal... you go to the judge, you serve your sentence... your offspring should not be carrying the traces of the crime you committed or be punished unduly...GOD cannot be capable of putting the burden of the original sin on a baby, on a child !! What if the child died as pagan?

To me, God is ALMIGHTY... He is ALL POWERFUL... He should not have a Beginning nor an End... how are we to accept the idea that "God Died for us?"  

That the christians say, the gates of Heaven were closed when He banished Adam &amp; Eve to earth and then only through "His Son, Jesus" the Gates of Heaven reopened to welcome "His Son", and so we too can now re-enter Heaven???  If He closed the Gates, He is able to open them... no need to subject "His Son" to so much suffering... How are we to accept the theory that GOD had limitations to undo His undertaking??

Or that God needed to use Mary to conceive "His Son"... He was able to create Adam without a mother so what more for "HIs Son" ?? 

I felt all these are discredits to GOD's manifestation.  The christians are trying to make GOD human!!  They say GOd created us in His Image... are we to understand that GOD has weak points and is not Omnipotent??  We should swallow this???

And to me, the Bible that we are reading and getting our references from today, especially the New Testament, can never be "The Word of God" .......period.

History books, which is what the bible is all about, is not "The Word of God" because the author of these records is not GOD Himself...but the authors were John, Matthew, Paul, Luke..etc

It is evidently a collection of human's recounts, whether the people who wrote them were present at the time of Jesus' existence or otherwise, or whether they were righteous people or not, the fact is they are humans efforts......and humans can never be perfect in their undertakings.   Even the prophets Abraham, Moses, Muhammad, etc were never claimed to be perfect, for the fact that they were also humans....

No matter how you want to defend it.....cover it up.... beat around the bush.... create your own perceptions....quote tonnes of verses from it ...there are clearly contradictions, inconsistencies and errors in the facts given in the translated Bibles between one author and the other......between one version and another..... between the revised and unrevised editons! 
It is just man's ego and prejudices, and comfort zones, that make them refuse to face up to this stark truth  

Even in Islam, the translated version of the Quran is not claimed to be the "Word of God" ....Only the one inspired in the original Arabic language can warrant this credit.  

That is why great efforts are made even by converts scholars to learn the arabic language in order to get the correct meaning of the arabic expressions. 

Get people from the four poles of the earth and they may speak absolute different languages, they may come from differennt cultures and backgrounds, they may be of different age and skin colour, they may not even be able to communicate with one another.........BUT each will still be able to recite the Quran EXACTLY THE SAME as the other in the arabic language, WORD FOR WORD... that's the beauty of the ability given by God for memorising the Quran and reciting them in their prayers....... 

But you can never say the same for the Old or New Testament...let alone recite them in their original language which is virtually non exixtant today. 

And there are so many versions of the bible, unaccompanied by the  original revelation....so how do you know which is the correct one to base your utmost belief and devotion in life on which book you read??  

And only the Author and Creator is able to reveal all those scientific details that many are just being discovered NOW by scientists, unlike the Bible that lack such adequete details. And only our Creator is able to know the best habits that we need to adopt for righteous living.

We do not need to go far.... Just the simple insistence to take the wudhu before praying is a huge inspiring lesson in life...... Muslims are required to pray 5 times a day, which means we will actually have cleaned ourselves at least 5 times a day, while some people i have met do not bother much about cleanliness or even like taking a bath daily!!

Can the Prophet Muhammad produce  these scientific proven details if he is said to have copied from the bible? 
How could he? ..... when these facts are not even found in the bible for him to copy?  ........They give Muhammed, the unlettered guy, too much credit.....  

I believe that God rightfully revealed His Final and Correct Message through the Quran because of the mess the people did to the bible! 

All the distorted accounts, the illogical doctrines, the impractical details, the  inconsistencies....... if not corrected, the last generations would all rely merely on these translated versions and various inputs and alterations of the present bible (note, i always emphasize "the present bible"...)  and all would end up worshipping Him so erroneously till the end of the world!!

I see Islam as not just a religion... it is a Way of 
Life and a Way to Heaven prescribed by the Creator Himself.....and a muslim is one who follows these prescribed ways...

And i see Islam as GOD's gift to me for the years of searching for Him and for wanting to worship HIm correctly.....

Amen... or rather... Amin!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Love Excuses Religious Laws.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=147091</link>
<pubDate>07-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
There is this practising muslim guy who is madly in love with a non practising muslim girl.

He knows her inclinations are wrong, like her way of dressing, her dream to be a succesfu model, her love dancing, her free mixing with male collleagues, her party goings, her off and on praying habits, etc, but he cannot help it as he is so much in love with her.  

They plan to get married in about 4 years time when they will be financially stable and she promised to change after they are married.......to wear the hijab, quit dancing, modelling, etc.  

She explains that she just wanted to enjoy the single lifestyle and pursue her dreams before she gives them all up for him when she becomes his wife...

The guy is so much in love with her that he is willing to tolerate all these.

The family members of the guy are unhappy with this girl and worried for him. But all their advice to the guy are heedless. 

He tells his family that he is constantly praying for her so he is sure the girl will keep her promise.  In the meantime he believes he should support her pursue her dreams and aspirations.

How does one handle such a situation?

How is it that guys when they are in love, could compromise to accept their girls behaving wrongly for fear that if they put their foot down, they will lose their girls?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Scary for Muslimahs to travel in USA !!</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=145691</link>
<pubDate>05-JUN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I have just returned from a trip to USA..... (shall not mention the places as i don't want to hurt anyone) and i am saddened by the attitudes i received...

While having tea and minding our own business in one of the cafes, a couple of guys passed by  our table and remarked loudly... "@#%! (apalling swear words), what the hell are these terorist people doing in our country ??!!"

In another place when we were checking the menu, a staff came up to us and simply said." All our dishes have pork in it and all our drinks have alcohol, there is nothing here you can consume, so you had better leave...."  

While at a shoe shop, we tried to ask for the size of a pair of shoes we wanted and the staff responded..... "I am sure we have nothing that fits you.."

While queuing up for tables at another eating outlet, the staff walked down the line to take the names of those in waiting, then ignored us and passed us by and asked the name and number of seats required from the group behind us.....

Muslim guys can get away without the public knowing if they are muslims or not, but muslimahs, because of our hijab, cannot run away from the obvious... 

I had travel in the US before but never got such unfriendliness...a couple of my american friends had advised me to remove my hijab for my safety..... I said i'd rather remove USA from my future travel plans !

The US Government and the media should be well pleased about doing a good job to promote hatred for the Muslims.......
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>ESSENCE OF LOVE.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=140291</link>
<pubDate>01-MAY-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A mother of a friend called me for help. Her daughter has locked herself in her room...... in tears....in rage......refusing to talk to anyone.......refusing to come out......refusing to eat or to go  work.

Reason ?? 

She fancied a colleague and she thought he liked her too.  She said they were close and enjoyed each other's company.  She would go out of her way to help him whenever he needed help in his work.  He had shown he cared for her.   He had asked her many questions on how to please a girl and she thought he was hinting at her........ Until the previous day when he handed her his wedding invitation card!!!  He was actually already engaged. His bride is from India. He is due to travel there for the wedding ceremony, then later bring her back for another ceremony locally.

My friend was devastated. she felt she was cheated. Her love was not reciprocated.

On the way back home, after consoling my friend a bit, these thoughts came to mind.

LOVE..... What is the essence of love? 

For most, the essence is that it is given and received in equal measure.  

How does it feel when you have shown love and kindness to someone and your reward is ingratitude and indifference?  

We get hurt, angry, sad.....

Then I thought of Allah's favors and blessings.  

There is no doubt that He loves us and provides for us.  

He provides even for those who do not believe in Him or those who go against Him. 

In fact we depend COMPLETELY on Allah for everything, as nothing can happen or exist without His Consent,His Generosity, His Love.  

And why should He not be angry towards those who repay His Love with disobedience and ingratitude? 

At times we are so engrossed in the happiness that Allah has given us, that we even forget about Him, while basking in our blissful state....

Many of us will remember Allah most during our painful moments.    But do we give a thought about the times we overlook to reciprocate His Love, taking most things for granted, taking credit for things that we do not deserve the praise in the first place because the capability was actually given to us by Allah swt?   

I went home and cried.  I cried for the times I was ungrateful.  I cried for the times I was complaining.  I cried for the times I felt great for my achievements.  I cried for the times I was so engrossed with the affairs of this world that I forgot to remember Allah swt  while carrying  out my tasks.    I cried because I did not return Allah's love, in equal measure.....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>MARRIAGE in LIMBO.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=138491</link>
<pubDate>27-APR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A girl related her sad situation as follows:

She fell in love and married her former boss, who was a foreigner, while he was stationed in her country.  

She knew he was already married with children and agreed to be his second wife.

She also agreed to keep this marriage a secret from his first wife

She admitted she had a blissful 8-months marriage until her husband?s contract was over and he had to return to his hometown.  He has not been back to see her since.  It is already more than 4 years?.

He does send her money regularly but each time she asked when he will come to see her, he?d say he has no excuse to travel out and he is afraid his first wife will suspect their marriage. He does not want to upset the first wife as she has a weak heart.

Even when she had to undergo some surgery, the husband did not bother to visit her.

What kind of marriage is this??

My friend is still young and attractive but her life is like an imaginary prison.  
She cannot remarry ........as islamically, she is still married.  
However in reality, she does not have her husband?s presence for the proper care and love.

She is neither here nor there, plus she has to face her family's constant queries and naggings about her present situation.... 

She admitted she had agreed to keep their marriage a secret from the first wife and his children, but she never bargained for a life of being married to a ghost! 

What can she do? Or what should she do???? 

She still loves him and is not, at the moment, contemplating divorce, but she does feel sad and alone.  She is now resigned to just hoping, praying, and waiting...... 

This i feel is the injustice that co-wives may be subjected to. 

The husband tells the wives that there is no rule in Islam that says he needs to get any of their permission to remarry, nor is there any need for the husband to inform the females that he has other wives....so what would be the outcome? 

Would this not encourage abuse and manipulation from the males?....... Children from the different mothers not knowing they share the same father?.........And what if the children happened to cross paths and fell in love with each other without realising they are actually closely related? (I have read a story that this case actually happened to a brother who fell in love with a girl while studying overseas only to discover that they shared the same biological father... and not what they had thought initially that it was mere coincidence that their fathers had similar names!! ) 

How does Islam protect or defend the females in such cases?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>I am not entering a beauty contest here.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=117891</link>
<pubDate>28-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
assalamualaikum

It is sad, but true, that many have a tendency to place emphasis on physical attraction first and  character beauty afterwards.  That is why i never respond to anyone who initiate contact with me by asking me for my photo, even worse if he is a muslim. 

It is not because i have physical defects to hide, but to me it is already an impression of his attitude. The hijab is prescribed for the muslimahs so as to cover her pysical beauty, so when a muslim brother asks me to reveal my photo to him, even before he knows much of my personality, is this not contradictory?  

I do not wish to accept friendship on the grounds that he liked my physical appearance.    I would rather he wants to be my friend because of my beliefs, principles, mentality and character...then when he later does see how i look like, i can be assured that his friendship is genuine. 

I am not entering a beauty contest so i will not subject myself to a situation where friendship with me from the other person is dependant on whether my physical appearance is pleasing to that person or not.  Even if he describes himself as having a very hot appearance, it is no regret to me not to be acquainted with an inflated ego.

I have NO SAY in my physical features or skin colour because they have been bestowed upon me by my Creator, and all praises are due to Him.  If my appearance is pleasing, credit is not mine...if otherwise, i also cannot address any complains to the Creator.  So as such, why should i be valued on these terms? BUT i am responsible for developing my mentality, attitudes and education, so these areas i am open to be viewed for compatibility.

How solid is the foundation of a relationship based on physical beauty?  When I grow older and my skin is wrinkled, or when l lose my slimness and agility?....do I also lose my partner?  Or if I fall ill or be handicapped, will i also be abandoned?  

But if my partner was attracted to me  first and foremost because of my mentality,  my sense of humour, my attitudes?.   at least I can be assured that insyallah, our bond would still be strong and withstanding despite the test of time.

Working previously as a flight attendant has made me aware of  this reality.  When I was new at the job,  I did  not understand the anxieties of my seniors each time we celebrated their birthdays. But later I realized that with each additional birthday, their security in the job was also threatened,?..the  worrying factor was ... whether they could sustain their physical beauty.  

That was one of the reason I did not stay long in the job?.  I left to search for jobs where I could develop skills that I felt could be retained in me, whatever my age or physical outcome may be in the course of my lifetime. 

I am always grateful that Allah swt had created many encounters for me, which often would lead to cherished friendships.....  My friends come in all colours shapes, sizes and even languages....I had a very dear friend who was even a mute and  we always had such great times together.  I owe my sign language skills to her. She was drop dead gorgeous and many guys would  just come up to her wishing to make contact, but when they discovered her speech problems, they ran! They did not bother to make the effort to get to know her better, because if they did , they would have discovered that she was one of the most caring person and had such a beautiful heart..  

Beauty is, indeed, in the eyes of the beholder!
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<item>
<title>BEING SINGLE... UNISLAMIC???</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=21091</link>
<pubDate>04-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
When I rejected a recent proposal to an arranged marriage, the self-appointed matchmaker was very disappointed in me.  She claimed that I had **tampered with fate**  by not accepting what could have been a sign from Allah to end my singlehood. 

When I said that marriage was not actually one of my priorities at the moment; I kinda like my present state of independence, and in any case cupid has not struck its arrow yet....... she reproached me for being unislamic !

This is something new to me??

1)	Can I really **tamper with my fate**?
2)	Is it **unislamic** to be single?

My matchmaker friend added: No Marriage  - No Children!  No Children - No Heritage.... Unislamic!  I am missing out on **Love**...Unislamic !

Love???    My parents are divorced; 2 of my cousins and my best friend too.  They are singles now.  Funny how couples can be madly in love before marriage but the relationship changes after marriage.   Married couples may still love each other but a lot do not seem to be **in love** with each other like before.  I am grateful just to have genuine friendship.

And I do plan t have children!   I may adopt some children from the orphanage......or the orphanage can **adopt me**.....my time, my wealth, my all!  

Still my matchmaker said....It is Unislamic!!!
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<item>
<title>The Hunter & the Hunted.........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=127291</link>
<pubDate>19-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum

Was praying in the mosque a couple of days back and i was attracted by the recitation of the brother who led the congregational maghrib prayer.

It was so beautiful that i found myself crying while praying, even tho i did not know the meaning of the surahs he recited because i do not know arabic well.  I only know those surahs which i have memorised.  The same thing happened the next day.

I do not know whose voice it was because we could not see the males praying, but the more i heard his recitations of the quran, the more interested i became in the person.  I found myself going back to the mosque and hoping he would lead the prayers each time. 

I asked the ladies in the prayer room about him but noone knew much, only that he is new in the neighbourhood.

My friends say i am weird to be attracted to a guy just for his recitations. I had intended to ask the imam of the mosque about him but my friends said it is not becoming of a muslimah to go asking about a male. It is always the male who should seek the lady, not the other way round.....

So, ethically and islamically, we females should resign to just be the hunted, not the hunter???
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</item>
<item>
<title>Jinns have Powers to harm Humans???.</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=127491</link>
<pubDate>21-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Salams

Just got back from Indonesia and whilst i was there, i discovered there are quite a number of people who strongly believe in the power of witchcrafts (or ** bomohs ** as they are called) even though they are muslims from good backgrounds.

I argued that this is not possible as nonone has the might or power except Allah (swt), but they related seemingly convincing stories about charms, healings of the sick and people possessed by spirits.  They even related that a muslim religious leader died from an illness which doctors cannot find any cause or cure for and all said an enemy had put a hatred charm on him.  The religious teacher refused to go to any bomoh and his condition worsenend, causing his death. 
They even said it is common that many of their women have engaged the help of the bomohs to make them likeable by men.

They said this is possible because the person (bomoh) maintains a jinn to do the job.  Jinns are said to have powers unlike humans.

In fact someone also mentioned  that perhaps a charm has been put on me by a previous rejected suitor and that is why marriage proposals for me now never materialises; something will prevent the union, either due to my own decision or the suitors'. They asked me to go see one of these **enlightened** ones which i utterly refused. 
I was laughing so much when i heard this that they warned me i could have worsened the charm with my disbelief and laughing !!!

I still absolutely do not believe in such assumptions, but i am curious about the Jinns.... What does correct Islamic teachings say about them??  

And what about those who are said to be able to drive ghosts and evil spirits away ??  How can ghosts and spirits be capable of causing harm to humans???

Anyone can enlighten on the subject??
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<item>
<title>Sharing your  reverting journey.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=126291</link>
<pubDate>17-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum

Whenever people come to know that I am a revert, multiple questions would follow...from males as well as females.

I am familiar with the change of  lifestyle of a female revert: the things we give up, the friends we lost, the rejection from family members, the disgust at our hijab outfit, the change in the way we socialise, the challenges faced, the prejudiced assumptions of our capability and even our intelligence, etc... 

Am curious about the brothers............

Did you face as much opposition and prejudices?

Was it easy to make the change in your lifestyle?

What practical advice would you give to brothers who are contemplating to revert?

How did you overcome the challenges?
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>Avoiding Handshakes from Males.....?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=15641</link>
<pubDate>20-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
We working muslimahs are sometimes faced with this situation whereby at a formal  social function, you are being introduced to some VIP guests, example, the CEO of the organisation, a renowned professor,  or in my case, even a government minister.. and these non muslim guys are genuinely ignorant about us not being able to shake hands with them....How do we POLITELY reject their gesture without EMBARASSING them in public??  

Or another situation when you have to go on stage for some award or prize giving  ceremony and the norm is to shake the hand of the award presenter when he hands the award/prize to you?

Note, the aim here is not to embarrass the gentleman when his outstretched hand is waiting for you to offer yours to return the hand shake.....

Of course, if given the chance and availabilty of time, i'd gladly elaborate the full reason... but for those spur of the moment introductions, what would you suggest?

I had resorted to holding firmly to my sandwich or drink...or in the case of the prize receiving ceremony, even 'accidently' dropping my certificate....but i may not be lucky to escape the situation all the time... (What if the prize was a crystal vase or a glass momento!? :p )
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>ZODIAC SIGNS??</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=124491</link>
<pubDate>14-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Salamualaikum.

Someone emailed me asking for my ZODIAC SIGN???

Curious.....can you really gauge a person's character/tendencies by knowing his/her zodiac sign??

He said something about the study of the stars and islam relates to such studies???  

I had not come across this so thought i'd ask your views....
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<item>
<title>Muslim Ladies  Deprived of Living a Full Life ?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=123091</link>
<pubDate>13-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I bumped into an old friend, or rather an EX friend... She was so disappointed when I embraced Islam, she cut off all contacts and friendship with me.  She was previously trying to convert me to be a Protestant.

The years apart must have mellowed the anger, because she was genuinely pleased to see me.  We were after all very close friends once....

She insisted we have tea together. Then, she could not hold back the questions: ... WAS IT WORTH IT????

......Was it worth it to give up my free and easy days?

......Was it worth it to give up my love for music, disco dancing, cycling and bowling?

.......Was it worth it to change my dressing when previously the gals would secretly envy my bright trendy outfits, matching high-heeled shoes, long painted nails and unique accessories?  

........Was it worth it to be hiding my long flowing hair in a veil when previously I even had advertising agents coming up to me to ask if I would model for their hair products?

........Was it worth it to be staying at home on weekends without a date, when previously she used to even help me with excuses when I had to reject some dates because of clashes of appointments?

.......Was it worth it to lose great job opportunities because of my Islamic faith or hijab wearing?

In her eyes, a Muslim Lady is deprived of living a Full Life............  

I had no pressure of marrying a muslim guy, so why in the world would an intelligent and successful woman like me just give it all up???

To all her questions, I replied, YES.  It was worth all of them ! 

And to the last question, I replied that it was the intelligence bit that made me discover Islam, and the success I feel now is more appreciated than before. 
And I gave it all up because I was previously a slave to a wrong Master.

I have had the best of both worlds, so perhaps others may not relate to my views? 

But would you say that Muslim ladies today are deprived of living a full life? Or is it the attitudes of the Muslim Society that deprives the muslimahs of  a fulfilled life? Or is it due to the turn of events in the world?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Falling out of Love is simply awful...........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=120091</link>
<pubDate>07-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awful........

Love never dies a natural death. 

It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. 

It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. 

It dies of illness and wounds; 

It dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>MARRIAGE is the Death of ROMANCE.........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=119891</link>
<pubDate>06-MAR-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum.

I came across this proverb/saying: " MARRIAGE IS THE DEATH OF ROMANCE" and it made me wonder ......

Why is the chase so much better than the catch? 

Well, dear married brothers......what causes the death of romance? 

And dear married sisters.....is this true?

And dear single brothers.......would you agree with this saying?

And dear single sisters........if this is so, why would we then pursue marriage?? LOL !

Curious to hear your views........
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<item>
<title>My Ideal Marriage ...........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=113891</link>
<pubDate>21-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Mathematics: One plus One Equals Two
Marriage: One plus One Equals One

You love red meat
I love vegetables
We order roast beef 
You finish the meat, I finish the salad and peas

You love soccer
I love shopping
We call our friends
You tell me the scores, I tell you the costs

You love television
I love books
We sit on sofa
You tell me who killed JR, I tell you who Macbeth killed

You dream to major in Engineering
I dream to major in Psychology
We pursue our sciences
You tell me how the machine works, I tell you how the mind works

Our poles are miles apart
But then, who's measuring the distance?
You are the master, I am your willing slave
What kingdoms we shall build
 
For now I search the globe
For One plus One Equals One
But until then, I am contented
That One plus None Equals One.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Who is to blame for the lack of respect for muslims?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=110891</link>
<pubDate>13-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum

Once, while dining in a cafe in Paris, 3 muslimahs in hijab and one bearded guy entered and odered for the special fish dish for the day. The waiter who had to take their orders told them they had run out of the fish dish.  The muslims then decided they would try other cafes.

Moments after, entered three couples who were obviously americans by their accents. The same waiter served the americans who also happened to order the same special fish dish for the day.    This time, there was no indication from the waiter that the dish was not available! 

I was appalled to see the prejudice, even though i was not a muslim then. 

Before i left, i approached the same waiter and spoke to him in french in a clear and loud voice  which could be heard by his colleagues and countrymen around us.  I asked him to please let me know whether money paid for the same meal by muslims had a different value from those that are paid by americans?? He was  obviously stunned and embarrassed by my approach, and I then walked off without waiting for a response from him. 

This incident also reminded me of my early days as a flight attendant.  Once when the reservation staff overlooked to request muslim meal for a passenger on board, my purser told me to just srcibble "MOML" (code for muslim meal) on one of the food packages without pork and serve the muslim passenger accordingly.  

This would never be possible for kosher meals.  Why? ...Because for kosher meal, there were strict serving regulations to follow.

For kosher meals, we needed to show the properly sealed, untappered food packages to the passenger who requested for them. After getting his acknowledgement and approval, only then can we proceed to reheat the meal and serve accordingly.  This had to be done for every kosher meal that had to be served on board throughout the same flight, whether breakfast, lunch or dinner. You do not have an international law demanding the same attention for Muslim meals on flights.  Why is this so?  

Btw, both incidents above happened even before the 9/11 incident and prior to the free publicity from President George Bush.

Who's at fault that the muslims are unable to command universal or international respect?  The muslim leaders? The muslim professionals? The religious teachers? The common muslims in the streets?
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<item>
<title>My Internet Family.....</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=97491</link>
<pubDate>17-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum

Someone commented about the uninteresting blogs on this site and there are others who supported her view. I believe this is a matter of perspective, and so they are entitled to their feelings.

For me, i consider this site to be a very helpful source of knowledge, and am grateful to all who contributed what they know about islam.  Even their views, whether complimentary or adverse, are effective to open up my mind, to correct my ways or to go search for more truths.... 

As a revert, i feel that i am still in the learning stage and there may be many other areas that i may not have covered, many more books that i did not manage to read, many more experiences that i have not gone through.

On top of it, i cannot turn to my parents or family members for answers, like born muslims have the privelege of, because my parents and siblings are not muslims.

To turn to religious teachers...there are questions i may be too shy to ask in person....

To turn to friends....there is limited time that we can spend with each other, as everyone has their duties and chores and personal agenda...

But at this site, we can pen our questions, answers, views, experiences, all at our own time (the beauty of the internet!)  Plus the anonymity allows us to bare our hearts out, without fear of  revealing our identity....

Even thhough, i cannot put an identity behind the various members' IDs, or a face behind some contributions..... i can still feel a bond.... i can still feel their friendship and concern... i can still sympathise with their problems.....This, i feel, is the beauty of Islam and the gift of the Grace and Generosity of Allah, the Exalted.

Whatever our race, our country of origin, our profession or our background may be, we are drawn together here due to one common factor.....ISLAM. 

Anyway, i just wanted to thank ALL you brothers and sisters out there....you are my Muslim Internet Family! 

Previously there were times when the rejection of my family because of my conversion made me feel so alone in the path of Islam.   But now i have you to share my thoughts, my doubts, my frustrations and even my joys!
It doesn't matter if u will read my blogs or not, or whether i would get any response...most ideal for me is that my thoughts get out of my system... :D

** And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine ..***  Quran 65:3

Salams.
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</item>
<item>
<title>Criticism, Patience & Sustenance......</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=109691</link>
<pubDate>07-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum

The Prophet (bpuh) said:

"There is none who is more patient when he hears something offensive than Allah.  They claim that He has a child and a wife, yet He gives them health and provision."

In the book of Zuhd, Imam Ahmad reported that the Prophet (bpuh) relates the following saying from Allah (swt):

"Strange are you, O son of Adam!  I have created you and you worship other than Me.   I have provided for you and you thank those besides me.  I show you love by giving you blessings and I do not need you.  While you show me animosity through your sins and you are to me poor.  My good is descending to you and your evil is rising to Me."

INTERESTING THOUGHTS FROM THE BOOK "DON'T BE SAD" :
Verily, the One Who provides sustenance is Allah

If Allah is the One Who provides for the creation, why curry favor with people? And why should one degrade himself in front of another person in the hope of procuring him his sustenance?

Allah said:

"And no (moving) living creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allah" -------  Quran 11:6

"Whatever of mercy (i.e. of good), Allah may grant on mankind, none can withhold it, and whatever He may withhold, none can grant it thereafter.' ------ Quran 35:2
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</item>
<item>
<title>Sis Yvonne Ridley, famous reporter, captured by Taliban</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=105701</link>
<pubDate>01-FEB-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Written by Yvonne Ridely's GPU Speech     
Yvonne Ridley's Speech at the 2006 Global Peace &amp; Unity Conference, London. U.K. 

Sister Yvonne Ridley is the famous reporter, captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan who, after being held prisoner for some time, was allowed to leave provided she would do one thing: Read the Quran with an open mind. 

She did. And Allah opened her heart and brought her to Islam. This is truly an amazing woman with an amazing story. 

She shares her views and experiences in the real world of today . . . 

I originally dedicated my speech at the Global Peace and Unity conference to Imam Anwar Al Awlaki, a prominent Muslim scholar highly regarded in English speaking Islamic circles, who was arrested in Yemen two months ago.

But I must also thank brother Fahad Ansari from the Islamic Human Rights Commission, author of God Save The Deen, whose written work inspired me to write this speech. Much credit of content is due to him. 

Islamically, I am very young, having reverted in 2003 ? and while I have much to learn I can identify with the frustrations shared by Muslims today. I know 9/11 had a huge impact on the world, but it wasn?t really the start of something ? it was the continuation of a legacy of US imperialism and its fear of Islam.

Just over ten years ago, fit, young Muslims across the globe flooded into Bosnia to help their brothers and sisters fight for their survival against the Serbs who were carrying out a genocide sanctioned by the silence of a watching world. 

The jihad brought together Muslims from all nationalities, status and culture. All were united, even those who could not travel to fight helped in other ways such as fund-raising, public awareness events and demonstrations. 

The impact was to stop the genocide. Western intervention, when it happened, came only after it was obvious the Bosnian Muslims were heading for victory. The establishment of an Islamic state deep in the heart of Europe was simply too much to bear and so the West intervened. This is not my conclusion, but US President Bill Clinton admitted it in his autobiography.

This fear of Islam has now evolved in the last 10 years to such an extent that the blood of our brothers and sisters is now flowing like rivers across Chechnya, Kashmir, Palestine, Afghanistan, Iraq and we saw recently what happened to Lebanon.

I have walked through many of these killing fields and let me tell you the twisted, blown up limbs of our Muslim brothers and sisters look exactly like those pulled from the rubble of the Twin Towers.

Yet the message of today is quite clear. Muslim blood is a cheap commodity.

Meanwhile tens of thousands of innocent Muslims continue to be tortured in far away lands like Guantanamo Bay, Bagram airbase in Afghanistan, Abu Ghraib, Diego Garcia and ghost prisons throughout the world. 

Meanwhile, in the dungeons of Syria, Jordan, Morocco, Tunisia, Algeria Egypt ? brothers are being tortured at the behest and request of the United States.

And don't think the British Government is not involved ... British intelligence officers will soon be named and shamed for their roles.

Even now nine British residents remain in Guantanamo Bay - the Americans don't want them, but neither does this Government. Despite the weasel words of the Foreign Office all it will take is a phone call to have the brothers released.

And don't think it is just brothers being incarcerated and tortured - Moazzam Begg can still hear a sister's screams down the corridors of the torture cells in Afghanistan where he was held by the Americans. See him at the Cage Prisoners stand today and ask him what you can do to help. Because we can help. Hardly a single detainee has been released due to legal action, but through political pressure ... that is when governments get involved.

You here today, can make a difference. Don't just sit here and get angry - get even. Put pressure on your politicians and remind them you are their political masters.

In Surah Al Asr ? God promises that the whole of mankind, including Muslims is at loss. Except ? those who BELIEVE, DO RIGHTEOUS DEEDS, and those who ENJOIN THE TRUTH, and PATIENCE. Only by fulfilling these four criteria, will we be able to meet Allah, however if we bury our heads in the sand, and pretend there is no oppression in the world, and that these brothers and sisters mean nothing to us, then maybe we will not get to meet Him.

Even Ken McDonald, Britain?s chief prosecutor, is disgusted by this government's actions - he has launched a scathing attack on secret courts. These courts try terror suspects who are not allowed to see the evidence against them. It is an affront to justice. 

In an exclusive interview with Islam Channel News, he said: "We should be clear these principles are not negotiable. Whatever the political pressures, whatever the climate, these are the essence of fairness: trials routinely opened and reported before independent and impartial tribunals. 

" We don't want secret courts, we don't want vetted judges, we don't want secret justice. Equality of arms; fairness between the Prosecution and the Defence is not negotiable; the right to call and cross-examine witnesses under equal conditions is not negotiable; the right to full disclosure of the State's case against you is not negotiable. 

"Defendants are entitled to know what the case against them is, and they're entitled to have material in the possession of the Crown which either undermines the Crown's case or assists the Defence?s case. A protected right of appeal is not negotiable. 

"And the presumption of innocence, the criminal standard of proof - beyond a reasonable doubt - with the burden of proof resting squarely on the Crown's shoulders, none of that is negotiable." 

And of course he is right - but Tony Blair says Muslims have got to stop having a victim mentality. Well when the Director of Public prosecutions starts whingeing, then may be we have a point. 

Think about what sort of message that sends out to our young people?

They read about the heroic exploits of Saladin Ayyoubi, Khalid bin Walid, Tariq bin Ziad and listen intently to stories of courage and bravery about our beloved Prophet Mohamed, peace be upon him.

Do you know, five years ago I had never even heard of The Prophet, pbuh, but now I would give my last drop of blood to protect his name, his honour and his memory. Even in death he showed how strong he was by uniting the Ummah in protest at those vile cartoons from Denmark.

Our modern day heroes include those two sixties martyrs Malcolm X and Sayyid Qutb, both whose writings have helped define me as a Muslim. These are the sort of role models and influences our youth need to follow, but instead they receive confused and mixed messages.

If Blair gets his way he will try and ban this book Milestones - he is told this is a book Usama bin Ladin has read ... well he's also read Sheikh Zubair that's Shakespeare to you and me. Should we ban 12th Night, Hamlet and other great classics?

One minute our youth are told the fear no one but Allah (swt) while the next minute they are told to dilute their Islam and keep their heads down. 

Since the events of 9-11, there has been an unrelenting campaign launched to change Islam into something more palatable to Western society. 

The vision is a secular and cultural Islam at peace with the world through her submission to her oppressors rather than to Allah; an Islam devoid of jihad, shari?ah and khilafah ? the very things we are commanded by Allah to implement in order to establish Allah?s deen on this earth.

And it is in evidence everywhere I look. Hijabs are being ripped off the heads of my sisters in Tunisia, France and Turkey. Sisters in Holland and Germany are also in the firing line.

And in Britain, we have Jack Straw, the former British Foreign Secretary who questioned the veil ? he might not like the nikab, but I wish he would put it on with a great big gag. I am not having a white, middle-aged man telling me or my sisters how to dress. 

The nikab, like the veil, like the hijab has become a symbol of a rejection of those negative Western lifestyles like drug-taking, binge-drinking and promiscuity. It is a statement telling the West we don?t want to be like you.

Muslims who choose to be more western than Westerners make me laugh ? do they realize how silly they look to the rest of the world? They hide behind such descriptions as moderate ? again what sort of message does that send to our young people? If we ask them to be moderate does that not suggest that there is something wrong with Islam that it needs to be toned down, diluted?

What is a moderate and what is an extremist? I really don?t know. I am a simple Muslim. I follow no scholars or sects ? I merely follow The Prophet (pbuh) and the Sunnah.

Does that make me an extremist? I don't think Tony Blair knows himself - I wrote to him three months ago and am still waiting for a reply.

Being a Muslim is a bit like being pregnant. You are or you are not. Whoever heard of anyone being moderately pregnant?

Islam has been under attack for 1400 years and we should have learned by now to put our trust in no one but Allah. Yet there are those who continue to kiss the hand which slaps them.

I am afraid that we can no longer put our trust in to someone just because they might wear Islamic dress. There are those Muslim leaders who claim to guide and protect us but not all of them have our interests at heart. 

Our young people are going to have to be very discerning since the events of 9/11, Bali, Madrid and the London Bombings, to name a few. 

There are individuals who for years rallied the masses to stand up for justice and support mujahideen groups around the world and now some have become embarrassingly silent while others condemn armed jihad, portraying mujahideen as terrorists and extremists who follow a distorted version of Islam. In some ways we are all to blame. Our greatest shame has been our silence while martyrdom operations in Palestine and other occupied lands have been condemned as acts of terror as witnessed in 9/11 and the July 7 bombings.

Our young people have to be taught that what is happening in Palestine, Kashmir, Chechnya, Iraq and Afghanistan is legitimate resistance against a brutal military occupation, while crimes like 9/11 and the London bombings are blatant terrorism. 

Equating the two only betrays our brothers and sisters who have no other option but to fight or face being wiped off the face of this planet. 

The new slaves of the West criticize Islamist parties and governance by shari?ah. I call them the Happy Clappies. They are being flown in by the Government from the US, Canada, Yemen and Mauritania to preach a diluted form of Islam.

The end result of all this has been a dilution of the deen of Allah, a weak and pacified Islam willing to accept the status quo in which Muslims are oppressed and subjugated; an Islam in which Muslims condemn the actions of their brothers and sisters who courageously resist occupation and oppression with whatever they have.

Even making dua for them now has become a crime ? how long before we are told not to even pray for the mujahideen? 

One of the greatest military generals the world has known, Saladin Ayyubi, the liberator of al-Quds, was once asked why he didn?t smile. He answered back that how could he smile while knowing that Masjid al-Aqsa, remained under Crusader occupation. I wonder what he would make of the state of the world today? This is a world where Arab leaders belly-danced shamelessly in front of America while handing Iraq over on a plate.

The same Arab leaders look the other way as our beautiful Palestine is continually raped and sodomized, and that other great daughter of the Arab world, Lebanon ? where was the Arab world when she was so brutally assaulted. And the war drums are beating again. Not only is the whole world watching, but so are our children, our youth, our future.

We must nuture them, and inspire them with tales of the Prophet and the Sahaba. As long as the Ummah continues to throw up figures like Khalid bin Walid, Saladin Ayyoubi, Sayyid Qutb and Malcolm X all is not lost.

The more we are oppressed by the tyrants the more we will fight back. That is the nature of Islam. And this is the Islam our youth need to follow, be guided by and inspired. We need to replace those leaders who have castrated themselves in a pathetic attempt to become more Western than the Westerners.

Many Muslim youth are now realising that no matter how hard they compromise their deen to blend in with the wider society, when things go sour, they will be treated with suspicion. 

The more we are told to forget shari?ah, khilafah and jihad, the more Muslims will pay the blood price to uphold these values. 

The jihad we are witnessing in Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan, Kashmir and Chechnya is something noble, a just war against injustice and tyranny.

The actions of the jihadists pose absolutely no threat to the West or Western lifestyles and their resistance is not only justified but embraced and encouraged by international law. 

The real religious extremists who pose the greatest threat to radicalizing our youth are the Christian Fundamentalists in the White House and Downing Street. Bush and Blair have become al-Qaida?s finest recruiting officers. 

More and more young Muslims are waking up with the realisation that it is not terrorism or extremism that is being targeted but Islam itself. 

It is up to the Ummah to lead and inspire our youth, just as The Prophet led and inspired millions and continues to do so.

And the first lesson we must teach our youth is to fear none but Allah (swt).
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>My Husband.........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=103491</link>
<pubDate>29-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Your Smile.......
Is enough to make me forget my tired day with the housework, cooking, laundry and running after the children

Your  Approval.......
Is enough to make me proceed with my decision no matter what others may say

Your Encouragement........
Is enough to make me pursue my dreams even if others think they are silly or impossible

Your Understanding.......
Is enough to make me cry with relief

Your Praise......
Is enough to make me feel shy to warrant such commend

Your Laughter.......
Is enough to soothe my anger and frustrations

Your Silence.......
Is enough to make me feel your presence in my surrounding

Your Look in my direction.......
Is enough to make me feel loved 

Your Hug.......
Is enough to keep me warm even in the coldest of weathers

Your Tenderness..........
Is enough to make me feel cared 

Your Touch.............
Is enough to make me feel that I am the most attractive woman 

Your Devotion to Allah........ 
Is enough to make me feel grateful and blessed
That He has decreed you to be my husband, my leader, my provider, my shield.

(In any case if it is decreed that i should remain single, i am still grateful to Allah, the Exalted, for my existence and for guiding me to Islam....Subhanal-llah, Walhamdu-lillah, Wala-ilaha-illal-lah, Wallahu-Akbar. La Haola Wala Quwata Illa Billah)
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Excuses for taking a 2nd wife.........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=101291</link>
<pubDate>26-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A colleague related a situation about a husband telling his wife he wanted to take a 2nd wife because she COULD NOT GIVE HIM A SON!  The couple have 5 children, all girls and so the wife, unaware of the biological facts, is considering her husband's request! 

I cannot imagine that the guy had the nerve to use this excuse on his wife!

For the benefit of those who know about guys who use similar excuses, please tell them that the wife should NEVER be blamed for the inabilty to produce sons, because the cause is due to the HUSBANDS.......not the wives!

Sons are formed by the combination of the X and Y chromosomes from the couples. The female only carries the X chromosomes, while the male has both the X &amp; Y chromosomes.  

So if the Y chromosomes from the husband fail to meet the X chromosomes form the wife, where is the logic to the accusation that the WIFE cannot give the husband a son????

Would it not be better for all concerned if the males could come clean about their additonal wives, and the females could view polygamy positively, as long as the husband adheres firmly to the Islamic requirement and genuinely treat all his wives with equal affection and attention?  

I do not deny that it will hurt any female to know that her man wants to take another wife, because possessiveness and jealousy are  weakness that are hard to overcome.  
But still, we should try to overcome them, because life after all will go on, and we cannot retain all our possessions,  because they do not belong to us in the first place, except our deeds.......

And shame on the male who uses this permission to cloak his lust (naf), but then blames his present wife for driving him to take an additional wife!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Sisha...is it ok in Islam???</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=98891</link>
<pubDate>22-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
We played a prank at a friend's wedding and i lost the bet :(

But now they want me to treat them to a sisha session....!!

Despite much pesterings from friends, I have always refused to try but it, but now i want to know if sisha is against islamic law?

Seems like an "in thing", specially in Dubai.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Muslimah requires her father's consent for marriage?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=97291</link>
<pubDate>17-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Is it true that for a Muslimah, if she wants to get married, she needs to have her father's consent....or the marriage cannot take place?

I know of a girl whose parents are very much against her intention to marry a guy from a different race.  She has told them that she will go ahead with the marriage with or without their blessings, but her father had said that as long as he is alive, he would never give his consent to her marrying the foreign guy, and as such in Islam, the marriage can never materialise for her??

Out of curiousity...does this ruling applies also in the case of a muslimah who was previously divorced, and if she intends to remarry, she needs to get her  father to bear witness of his consent for the 2nd marriage too?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Would you marry for other reasons than  LOVE......?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=96491</link>
<pubDate>16-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
There is a close colleague and friend with whom i get along very well. 

Recently i told him of my intention to resign because i plan to move to another country to live and work.  He became very upset and revealed that he actually had intended to ask for my hand in marriage and is even prepared to revert.

This was shocking news because all the while i had regarded him as a wonderful big brother, and i told him so.

That evening, he met with an accident.  Alhamdullilah, he suffered only a bruised arm and some minor cuts, even though his car was terribly damaged.  But at the hospital he told me that his mind was disturbed, he did not see the oncoming vehicle, he was thinking about my departure from his life...he asked me to reconsider his marriage proposal.

Now, my mind is disturbed.......

Firstly, i do not want to be responsible for further accidents to this brother. Secondly, could someone marry for other reasons than love? 

If one loves another as a brother, could she eventually grow to love the guy as a husband too?

Then i thought about arranged marriages....the couples do not even know much about each other but they eventually form happy marriages (for most of them, anyway...)

I wonder if this is Allah's Way of telling me that this person is decreed to be my husband?  How can i be sure?

Has anyone gone through such an experience? And what was the outcome?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>How do we please our mother's heart?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=93091</link>
<pubDate>10-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
My aunt passed away recently.  To the obvious surprise of my relatives, I attended the funeral ceremony.  I could even see the surpprise in the face of the priest who conducted the mass.  He must have been distracted, seeing a hijab wearing lady in church!

I sat towards the back of the church throughout the whole ritual and was not the least bit disturbed by the stares from those in church.  But what disturbed me was the statement from my mother.  

When i approached to comfort her, she said to me, ** At times like these, I wonder about my own fate.  Who will pray and arrange my funeral for me when i die?!  ** 

My parents are divorced.  I have an adopted brother who since his marriage, did not bother much about my mum.  I am her only daughter but she had not been  pleased about my reverting to islam.  And though i have tried, my mum had clearly told me off before that she will always keep her christian faith.

I did not respond to my mum when she made the above statement to me at the funeral.  
I just remianed silent.  
But my heart is saddened for my mum.  
How disappointed she is in me......how lonely she feels.......how i wish i could make her happy......
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Why initially pray 50 times?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=91291</link>
<pubDate>08-JAN-07</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum,

During a recent Islamic study, the following questions were raised:

During the miraculous Night Journey, Al-Isra' &amp; Al-Mi'raj, why was it that Allah, the Exalted, initially ordained 50 dailly prayers and later upon the suggestion of Moses and the appeal by Muhammad, the number was finally reduced to 5 times daily?

Would Our Creator not know better, as all knowledge is with The Almighty, that we humans could never fulfill the initial command of praying 50 times daily? And The Messenger had to appeal twice...

So, please help me out guys......could anyone enlighten the questioner because the study ended without an answer and the group's task is to search an appropriate reply for next session.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Why the effort .......when all is pre-ordained???</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=84691</link>
<pubDate>22-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
At a counselling session, a teenager posed the following questions:

Muslims often talk about ***Pre-Ordainment**. 

They say that Allah has already pre-ordained all matters for each individual.  As such, whether one's final resting place would be in Heaven or Hell, this also has been predetermined.

Subsequently, why are we told that we have to be accountable for our deeds &amp; actions??  Our actions are pre-ordained; we cannot do anything on our own; so even if we wanted to avoid sin, it has been preordained that we will commit it..... otherwise it cannot happen without the Will of Allah.

So how is it that we are still blamed for adverse actions even though nothing happens without Allah's permission, be it good or bad?

And why then should we even try to correct our ways or try to do anything against the inclinations that Allah hascreated us with, if according to the teachings, Allah would guide who he chooses...?

The teenager further asked:    If muslims strongly believe in pre-ordainment, why is there even any need for doas, restrictions, patience, sacrifices, etc to change any preordained outcomes????

How would you tackle questions or statements like these??!
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>** MAKING LOVE**  without Love ??</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=81891</link>
<pubDate>17-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A friend called me up at 2am one morning, in tears, after a heated quarrel with her husband.  The husband walked out to meet some friends, apparently  to cool down....

Then this friend went on lamenting her ill fate to be married to this guy.  She repeatedly mentioned that she never loved him FROM DAY ONE of their marriage.  Theirs was an arranged marriage.  Her parents and in-laws were old friends so they arranged the union for their children. Even her husband had told her that he never loved her neither.....

Btw, my friend works as a nurse, been married for more than 10 years to the same guy  and she has 4 children with him.  

I did not voice out my thoughts to my friend as she was already depressed, but later in my mind i was pondering over her statement that ** SHE NEVER LOVED HER HUSBAND FROM DAY ONE OF HER MARRIAGE ** ...but they have 4 children already?!

This statement about ** never was in love with the spouse** is something we hear quite often from couples in unhappy marriages. Could this statement be an exageration in moments of anger or is it possible for two people to be **not in love with each other** but mutually agree to produce offsprings..?? 

I am not married so it is hard for me to rationalise the facts, but i had thought that the resaon they say couples **make love** is because this action results from the existence of ** LOVE ** for each other.  Otherwise it would just be a form of rape, lust or mechanical undertaking (yikes! how awful and sad!)

And the children???  If they came to know that their parents never loved each other AT ALL, does that mean they were not *** products of love***?

Or is it merely that couples forget that they ever loved each other over the course of their marriage, and tend to take each other for granted??
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>THOUGHTS OF A 2nd WIFE TO BE........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=76691</link>
<pubDate>11-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamu'alaikum 

After reading a blog previously submitted, I'd like to share an experience...the thoughts of a SECOND WIFE TO BE...

I once was approached to be the 2nd wife...

In one of my previous employment, the manager was the owner's son-in-law. He was a a very charming man; married with 2 kids and we worked well together. Whenever there was an overseas assignment involving this manager, he would alway select me to assist him in the projects.

At first i thought nothing about these travels. I thought i was picked because he felt i was right for the jobs and we also enjoyed each other's company. Only later did i discover he had deeper feelings for me and even proposed to me while we were in a convention in Paris. 

The first thing i asked him was whether his wife knew about this and how would his wife react.  I was disappointed to discover his wife was a terribly possessive person. He was unhappy in the marriage but unable to divorce her because her family controlled the company and he had many  commitments to her and the children. 

My reply was that i do not mind being the 2nd wife but i must have the acceptance of the first wife. I have no intention of living my life in a secret marriage.  I would respect his first wife as my elder sister, his children as my children too....... but she must agree to our marriage.  I understand he would need to spend certain nights with his first wife, but i also want him to spend the nights with me without guilt and without having to make false excuses for being away from his first wife. If i were to be his second wife, i want the friendship from his first wife, not her enmity.

To make a long story short, he said my requests were impossible.  So as much as i was hurting inside, my reply was  that me being his 2nd wife was also... impossible

In the topic of polygamy, people mostly talk about the first wife and how unfair it is to her.  But the second wife also has feelings and rights. And like i have mentioned in the other blog, it boils down to how we approach the matter.  

Everyone has a part to play to make the union happy....the husband as well as all the wives involved.  If all can agree on the Islamic ways and approaches, only then would there be unity and harmony.....
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>LIFE IS A GIFT.........</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=75891</link>
<pubDate>10-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she is blind. 
  
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. Heis always there for her. 
  
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend. 
  
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend. 
  
Her boyfriend asked her, **now that you can see the world, will you marry  me?** The girl was shocked when she saw that her  boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. 
  
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. 
"Just take care of my eyes dear." 
  
This is how human brain changes when the status changed. 
  
Only few remember what life was before, and who's always been there even in the most painful situations. 
  
Life Is A Gift 
  
Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak. 
  
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat. 
  
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion. 
  
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven. 
  
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren. 
  
Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets. 
  
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet. 
  
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job. 
  
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without  wrong doings. 
  
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down  -  Put a smile on your  face and  be thankful you're alive and still around. 
  
Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it.
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>LOOKS......priority before start of friendship???</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=71091</link>
<pubDate>04-DEC-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
I introduced a friend to this website and told her she would be able to meet some nice Muslim friends.  

Recently she told me that apart from the Islamic topics discussed, there is no difference from other websites in that the guys are still mostly interested in LOOKS!

She gets annoyed when initial emails to her ask her for her photos.  To her, those who initiate emails by asking for her photos are only interested in how she looks first before deciding whether there is any worth in her personality to go on with the friendship.

What do you think?  Is she wrong to think such? Or are there valid reasons for the guys to ask for the girls' photos as a start?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Ebony, Ivory & Chocolate......</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=58891</link>
<pubDate>15-NOV-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
"I laugh just like you,
I cry and feel pain.

When you touch my skin, we feel just the same.

But you were born black 
And I was born white

Our prejudices formed because of our sight

But if you were blind
And I cannot see

Just think of how nice
Our friendship could be!"


Explanation: 
Some time back I was jogging with a friend along the beach and later we sat down and shared a bottle of drink together. A group of girls sat nearby and we overheard one of them remarked, "Yikes, they are drinking from the same bottle!"

It took us a moment to realise that she was commenting about us because my friend is darked skinned and so we were like "ebony &amp; ivory" together.  

We then wrote the above note and walked over to them, handed them the note and walked away.  A few minutes later, one of them ran after us and apologised for the improper remark made by a member of her group.  

Today the three of us regularly jogged together at the beach.....ebony, ivory and chocolate (for the new addition is slightly tanned-skinned!)
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>If there was no decree..would you still wear the HIJAB???</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=44891</link>
<pubDate>31-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Someone posed a question and we all had mixed reactions...

Thought i'd share them with you and see yours.

A friend of mine was saying that if the Quran had not stated that the female needs to wear the hijab, she would not bother to do so...

A few in the group said they will still wear the hijab because of its benefits.....the rest said they will not bother and can dress as they please...

Another said that hijab today is perceived as a form of identity and segregation, and it can also be intimidating to the non hijab wearers as the muslim society tends to regard those without hijab as being not religious enough....  So the hijab may  just be a form of fashion for some so as to be accepted favorably in the muslim society....

Ladies?
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Hajj....Not possible for Single Muslimah??</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=18491</link>
<pubDate>01-OCT-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Aslmkm

I just discoverdd that a female cannot travel alone without a muhrim to do The Hajj - the fifth pillar of Islam. 

So if I am a revert, single and the only one in the family who is a muslim, does that mean I am unable to perform the Hajj until I find a husband???

Gosh, what if i am fated to remain unmarried throughout my life???
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>Fasting in Syawal...priority to missed fasting?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=17491</link>
<pubDate>30-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Aslmkm

I was told that there is an additional reward for fasting 6 extra days during the month of Syawal.

My question : For us females...if we want to observe this extra 6 days fasting in Syawal do we have to repay our missed fasting (due to our menstrual cylce or illness) first or can we observe this special 6 days fasting as it is only in Syawal, and later perform our missed fasting throughout the year?

Can anyone assist to enlighten please as i seem to get conflicting views on the priority between wajib fasting and sunnah fasting......
]]></description>
</item>
<item>
<title>LOVE KILLS FRIENDSHIP BUT BLOOMS IN ARRANGED MARRIAGEI!!</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=15091</link>
<pubDate>15-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Aslmkm..

I know I am treading on dangerous grounds here and may invite the firing squad at me, but I would just like to share some observations.

During my non muslim days in university campus I shared a great friendship with a guy.  
We were the best of friends. We shared almost everything under the sun.  Cinema/sports, happy/sad moments, anxieties/secrets, etc.   
We were there for each other in sickness and in health.   He did my repair jobs; I sewed his torn garments; I shopped for his clothes, he shopped for my electrical items.  I interviewed his eager girlfriends; he sized up my potential boyfriends. At times we even acted as the other?s steady just to ward off persistent suitors.  

All in all we had a marvellous platonic friendship until friends started to really pair us off and instil in us the idea that we made a perfect couple. Slowly we became more conscious of each other and our friendship turned to love. 

But when **Love** came into the picture, our relationship started to change........

We became more possessive of each other, more demanding of each other?s attention and time.  Jealousy crept in when before it never existed.  Compared to previously, anger &amp; sullenness dominated our togetherness more than laughter and appreciation.  

Then we asked ourselves WHAT  HAPPENED?  And realised that by changing our relationship to being *** IN LOVE *** it had subconsciously killed a previously beautiful friendship... Anyway our case is history now.

However, now that I am encountering the existence of **Arranged Marriage** for the first time after I reverted, I was pondering on the plus points of why Islam promotes this facility, as obviously we are not permitted to date.  
And I have realised that Arranged Marriage has its advantages, if that is, we have been blessed with a truly Allah-fearing spouse who genuinely possesses strong iman, taqwa, wisdom and humility.

Imagine! The couples in an arranged marriage do not know much about each other. They proceed each day of their marriage in a state of curiosity.....discovering each other's personality... impressing each other... learning each other?s strength and weakness....adapting to each other's tendecies... and in the course..**Love Blooms!** with each having a common goal: To make the Marriage work!.....  (Maybe this is why we seldom have divorced grandparents!!)  

The fact that they are already **Married** should give them the extra motivation to try and resolve whatever differences they may discover because the opposite would be the dreaded: An ugly, painful and even expensive Divorce. And worse if there are children involved.

However couples ** In A Relationship ** may not have as much motivation.  They can always still make a U-turn or an Exit Turn from the relationship with less hesitation.

Possible Equations to the Theory:-

LOVE MARRIAGE: 2 years Madly In Love (before marriage) + Honeymoon (after wedding) + 5 Years In Complacency &amp; Taking each other for Granted (after marriage) = 7 year Itch!

ARRANGED MARRIAGE: Honeymoon (after wedding) + 2 years Getting Acquainted (while married) + Honeymoon Again (Passed Acquaintance Test) + 5 Years Madly In Love (still married) + Possible Honeymoon again (Syukur Celebration!!) + Belated Complacency = Deferred 7 year Itch!  
 
Sooooo????  I know.....Now your guns are loaded and waiting to fire.....Wait! (..Let me put on my bullet-proof vest!..)...Okay!...Shoot!.... I wanna learn from your experiences and hear your views?? What went wrong...or what strengthened the union.....:)

Salams / fatima
]]></description>
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<item>
<title>The Hijab....a revert's battle</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=14471</link>
<pubDate>11-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The topic about hijab often draws many comments.  I agree fully with the virtues of the hijab and have no doubts that it is obligatory for muslimahs.  However, I am not fully supportive of those who criticise unsympathetically the non-hijab muslimahs, especially if they are reverts.

For born muslimahs, you have been brought up in an upbringing that has always been supportive of the Islamic requirements.  For reverts, we have to battle with major changes and one cannot expect an overnight transformation.  For us, sacrifices have to be made and it takes very strong convictions to do so.  For males, it is easier for you to insist on the females to wear the hijab?you do not face the same prejudices and mindset of today?s society; your battles and sacrifices are not similar to those of the muslimahs.   

Most have said that the hijab is to guard the muslimahs? modesty and to prevent temptations from the males.  For me, personally there is an additional function.  The hijab serves as a personal reminder of the proper conduct of a muslimah.    

I was holding a high post and enjoying good income in the airline industry.  I rose in ranks through many years and was at a position envied by my colleagues. But when I reverted and decided to wear the hijab, my boss gave me the ultimatum: Out of the Hijab or Out of Job!  For married muslimahs they have their husbands to support them; for us yet unmarried and self-supporting, this was not pleasant news. But I eventually chose Out of Job! Change of career, start from the bottom?

I used to smoke,loved dancing &amp;  good at billiards.  Most weekends will find me either at the disco or some functions. Never failed to get invited to social functions. I was known to be an ice-breaker and friends would ?use me? specially if they were attending a function where they did not want to just stand around alone sipping their drinks till the end of the event.  I had no problems initiating conversations and was able to keep the conversation going discussing any topics under the sun, whether about politics, sports, fashion, cooking or the latest news.

But of course when I reverted, several of my previous indulgences had to stop.  Try giving up an old habit and you will find it is not a piece of cake!  Some would say a strong iman is all that is needed.  True, but being human, it helps to have additional assistance. 

My assistance was..... my hijab.  

A cigarette &amp; hijab? Horrible combination!?.so out with the cigarettes!  Hijab lady disco dancing? Unbecoming!?so out with the boogie! Hijab lady and initiating conversations with males at parties? How brazen!..so lower the gaze, lower the voice and laughter, or better, out with parties!  Hijab lady playing billiards in clubs? Madness!...better off playing board games!   

Slowly but surely, others on the list will be phased out, insyallah?, but it is not easy for everyone.   Those who wish to condemn heartlessly should bear this in mind.    

I am not saying you should not voice out the truth, but you can try to do it in a more tactful manner.  Our Prophet (pbuh) moved the hearts of many by his gentle ways. 

For those ladies who think I missed out on a lot and that my rights were sacrificed because of the hijab, I say it is incorrect.   I have no regrets.  I realised those ways were not right for a lady and am glad the behaviours are stopped.  It is a fact that Allah (swt) created us differently and for different purposes.  We have to find our peace and when we live according to His terms, it is fulfilling enough for us, despite lacking those things which we perceive as our personal ?enjoyment?.

Initially, we may perhaps regard them as sacrifices, but when we embark, we will find them as bad habits which we are glad to be rid off.  

For those contemplating the hijab, my advice would be to go for it! Insyallah, your missing pieces in the jigsaw will be found and you will soon find the complete picture. May Allah guide and assist you.
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<title>Your Contributions are Welcomed......</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=14881</link>
<pubDate>14-SEP-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Salams all,

I recently initiated the idea of getting my students to make bookmarks and cards with inspiring quotes which they can give to their families and friends for the Eid Festival, instead of the commercialised cards available.  
If any of you have some quotes/proverbs to share, you are welcomed to contribute.....

And while I am at it,  just like to share a couple which I came across:
 
**** From Umar (r.a)

I look at all friends and did not find a better friend than safeguarding the tongue.  I thought about all dresses but did not find a better dress than piety.  I thought of all types of good deeds but did not find a better deed than offering good advice.  I looked at all types of sustenance but did not find a better sustenance than patience.


*****Inscribed on the Prophet's (s.a.w) sword :

Forgive him who wrongs you; join him who cuts you off; do good to him who does evil to you; and speak the truth even if it be against yourself.
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<title>The times i regret i am a muslimah.......</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=12421</link>
<pubDate>23-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The only times i regret i am a muslimah.... are the times when i am unable to perform the salahs (prayers) because of the monthly cycles that females have.  

I miss the the cherished moments of feeling the closeness of Allah especially when my forehead touches the ground and i am speaking to Him.

I miss conversing with Him at least 5 times a day, like i usually do on normal days.

I miss not being able to do my Tahajjud prayers when i happen to wake up in the middle of the night, because praying during this time is so peaceful and undisturbed that it enables me to engage in maximum concentration.

I noticed that spiritually, i feel"starved", and things do not seem to go as well, in comparison to those days when i am able to  perform the salahs.  

That is why at times like these, i envy the muslim guys, as they have no "missed periods" with their Creator.  

Like the saying: "If you want to talk to Allah, perform Salahs (or spelling "salats"?).  If you want Allah to talk to you, read Quran"
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<item>
<title>WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO DO DA'WAH?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=13161</link>
<pubDate>29-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
As a revert, I am always eager to share my joy of discovering Islam and to tell about the amazing truths found in the Quran, especially relating to Scientific discoveries and the way of life prescribed.

When I am in the company of non muslims, I am tempted to intiate discussions about Islam, but often I have to impose self-restraint as I fear I would scare them off.

I am curious to know...should i be the one to tell them first or wait for them to ask? But if they do not ask, then it seems like a lost opportunity to reach out to them?

I recall how my initial interest in islam started when i learnt that in their prayers, muslims actually remind themselves that Prophet Mohamed (pbuh) is a Messenger of Allah and not, as I previously thought, that they were worshipping the Prophet.  when his name is mentioned in the Shahadah. This knowledge and the realisation of the humble nature of Prophet Mohamed (pbuh) made me very curious and i started searching for as much details I could gather about Islam, which eventually led me to my embracing Islam, Alhamdullilah.

I happened to be inquisitive by nature, so i do not feel inhibited to ask. But what about those who remain silent, maybe out of social politeness? How do we reach out to them?
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<title>Arranged Marriage...can it work? What shud i do?</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=12471</link>
<pubDate>24-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
A friend's mum informed me that s/one has indicated his interest to marry me. I was told in islam, it is not permitted to date. In fact in her view, coresponding with a non muhrim before marriage is also actually not permitted!  Arranged marriage is common.  We can only see the photo and even if both parties agree and we happended to be engaged, we are still not allowed to go out with each otheruntil marriage.  I accept the teachings of chastity and purity. I only wonder whether it is possible to have a happy marriage when we know nothing much about our future spouse other than the basic info of his family background.  Is it not necessary to discover if our characters, likes and dsilikes are compatible?  Marriage is a lifetime commitment. I admit, i do have some fear in commiting to an arranged marriage, but if this is the only and correct way, then i must learn to surrender to it...
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<title>When things go wrong, we blame Allah.....!!</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=12191</link>
<pubDate>22-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Last month i was in france and on the last lapse of trip, my brief case was stolen! I was at the train station about to find transportation to the airport when a lady approached me with a map in her hand, on the pretext of asking me directions. I put down my brief case for a moment to see how i could help her.  Then after a few minutes, she left before i even finished explaining and i wondered why? Next, when i turned to collect my brief case it was gone! Then i realised I had just become a victim of a planned robbery! I lost some valuable possessions but what i was ashamed of, was that during that moment i asked Allah, why did this happen to me?  Now i realised that i had no right to even think of such a question!  Funny how our first tendency when we experience sadness or tragedy, we ask: "Why must this happen to me?!!" (like we question Allah!) but when times are good for us, we sometimes forget His Blessings and even take pride in the achievements we made when actually, we can do nothing by ourselves without the permission of Allah. Have you experienced moments when you are very sad and then you cry your heart out to Allah, but when things are going well, you relax and forget? I am sometimes guilty of this and when i realise, i chide myself for being so ungrateful. All praises are due to Allah who is so Merciful to me even though i keep repeating my mistakes and often succumb to my weaknesses...
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<title>5 bad qualities that prevent us from being righteous...</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=12151</link>
<pubDate>21-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Had there not been 5 bad qualities, all the people would have been righteous.
1) Contentment with ignorance; 2) Love for worldy life; 3) Miserliness inspite of wealth; 4) Ostentation (showy display) in deeds; 5) And pride in our intelligence.

Quoted by Ali bn Abu Talib (r.a)
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<item>
<title>Is there such a thing as a modern muslim??</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=11971</link>
<pubDate>20-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
The first day i decided to put on the hijab, my muslim and non muslim coleagues teased me calling me "aunty"! It seems to them that usually when we get older, then many muslim ladies would consider wearing the hijab! My muslim colleagues say they are "modern muslims" so they dispense with the hijab. If i were to consider the fashion these days where the clothes are getting skimpier, i would say that the irony is that during the ancient times and the caveman days, they wore little or no coverings at all! Should the current global fashion then be considered modern or archaic?  Also it is common to see families here where the mothers put on the veils/hijab and walk undisturbed with their grown-up daughters who flaunt their flesh and beauties and so we cannot blame our non-muslims friends as well for  concluding that the hijab is for "old ladies"!  So what makes a "modern muslim"?
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<item>
<title>I do not eat pork.....therefore I am a muslim</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=11621</link>
<pubDate>17-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
During the initial stages of my discovery journey to Islam, i sought the help of my muslim friends/colleages for answers, but discovered there are many born muslims who are not fully aware of many things about Islam, other than what they gather from their parents. For most, being a muslim means: they do not eat pork, consume only halal food, no alcohol, fasting during Ramadan, (but do not bother about praying) and the need to go for Hajj if they could afford it. The irony is that most muslims would adhere strictly to the eating requirements, but all the rest were treated lightly, specially the obligatory praying of 5 times a day. For some, i do not blame them because as born muslims, they rely quite a lot on what they observe from their parents.  As a convert/revert, we naturally undertake the thorough steps to learn all we can about the religon in order to be convinced. Likewise for born muslims, i feel it is equally important that they never stop learning about Islam so as to guide, not only their children, but also themselves, accordingly. When i attended the beginners course in Islam, there were many who said they were in the class because their boy/girlfriends were mulsims, so they had to be muslims too in order to marry. In my heart, i felt that they should not be attending these classes alone....it would be beneficial if their muslim boy/girlfriends made the effort to attend these same classes as well so they can be united in their strive for Islam knowledge.
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<item>
<title>Islam awareness...Let's practise what we preach</title>
<link>http://www.MuslimFriends.com/blog_messages?blog_id=11561</link>
<pubDate>17-AUG-06</pubDate>
<description><![CDATA[
Assalamualaikum,
Dear sister fatima,
Congratulation that you choose Islam, you are the choosen and bless one by Allah.

About this topic, there a is a lot to write but I make it short in case the system website not functioning well.

Yes, if we know the History of the christians, Jews and Muslims,
we originated from the same religion. But because of the misunderstanding and certain beliefs these three groups of people move towards different directions.

Most Muslims belive the Christians and Jews having the same history as the Muslims but not majority of the Christians and Jews. 

I read one book about a debate between a Christian priest and Muslim scholar. They debate about their beliefs and try to proof using their knowledge of the Bible and the Holy Quran.
But unfortunately, the Christian priest has only the knowledge of the Bible and his knowledge of the Bible is shallow. Fortunately the Muslim scholar has the knowledge of both the Bible and the Holy Quran. They both debate give proofs from Bible and Holy Quran. But at the end of the debate the Christian priest became a Muslim. I think the debate is a blessing for the christian priest who after that realise between the Truth and the Falsehood.

Your sister in Islam.
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