When we look back upon our life, we will find that the moments when we really lived are the moments when we had done things in the spirit of love.
Why are we here? Simple... to hear and to be heard. And in the course, we form beautiful friendship, we learn and enrich our lives...and we realise the Magnificence of Our Creator !
The past few days, I was preoccupied with calls from my girlfriend. She was troubled that her boyfriend seemed to be emotionally distant from her.
I told her many times to just ask him up front what was troubling him but she refused and preferred to do the guessing game.. that he was bored with her, that he may have found someone new..etc, etc, She was afraid that if she were to ask him directly, she won't be able to face the truth and their relationship may have an early termination....
Tired of patronizing her suspicions, I asked the guy directly what was troubling him and disocvered that he actually had some problems with his superior and he was contemplating changing his job. He did not tell his girlfriend about this as he did not want to trouble her. He was unaware that he was subconsiously giving negative signals to his girlfriend and that she was sensing some distance.
Anyway, the air is cleared now & both are happy again.
Lesson learnt ... relying on suspicions and assumptions may just worsen things. Get the truth... it saves unneccessary sorrows. And even if the truth hurts, I feel it is better to know and accept the truth than to embark in a world of pretence..
I realise that men are less prone to express their emotions. They tend to keep things to themselves. Women on the other hand cannot understand why men do not open up easily or voluntarily to them.
Women mistakenly expect men to react and behave the way they do while men continue to misunderstand what women really need...
I recently got to know a guy and am amazed by the similarities of our characters, our likes & dislikes and the many coincidences that occurred, even though we are from different backgrounds ...
We discovered that we both like the same food, we have the same pet peeves, we enjoy the same favorite songs and pastimes, etc...
One day he gave me a bracelet and this was the EXACT bracelet, same design & brand, that i had seen and intended to buy for myself whilst i was passing by a store, but did not purchase at that time because it was already closing time for the shop... I was alone when i saw the bracelet and did not ever mention this to him or anyone else....but what a surprise i got when i saw the gift!!
There were other incidents like when i was at the start of dialing his number to call, but before i could finish doing so, i'd receive a call from him instead...
Or when i wanted to surprise him with some cakes and he actually bought the same cakes to surprise me.. so we ended with double the amount of the same cakes!!
There were other coincidences that are too lengthy to mention here, but.... they happened so often to a point that it seemd like we have some telepathy at work ...and it's like meeting one's own clone!!
Though amazed.. it is somewhat "scary" .. Can two persons really think and feel so much alike ? What about the "Venus vs Mars" theory??
Gosh, it's been quite a while since i visited this site.. But seems not much activities going on.. The regular bloggers are still around, thank goodness for that.. Would be great to read some new ones too...
Perhaps most are being caught up with the downturn state of the world... the ecomony downfall, tainted food, break up marriages... all around we read and hear about depressing news.
Despite all these, life still has to go on. And though we cannot do much to change the circumstances surrounding us, we should try to put our efforts into something that we CAN Do... OUR OWN ATTITUDE...
There is a saying that no one can make us feel inferior if we don't want to... By the same token, noone can make us feel depressed if we don't want to...
When we become less materialistic, less self-centered, and put our priorities in the right perspective, life should still be tolerable.
Sometimes when I am down, sitting in the park and observing little children can be very theraupeutic.
They take life as it comes to them, they enjoy their moments, they are true to themselves, they make the best of whatever materialistic possessions they get, they laugh delightfully, they love purely, and life for them is an interesting discovering journey..
To be able to still view life like them would indeed enrich our own existence...
To them, i'd say... "Enjoy these precious moments, innocent little ones... before you grow up too soon... and become corrupted with the greed and selfishness of the adult world....."
Was watching a movie about how a guy chose to follow his malicious wife against his own mother. My thoughts turned to us human nature. Why is it that for most cases, the most important person in our life will shift from our mother to our spouses after marriage?
At birth we are helpless and if not for our mothers, we would not be able to survive or grow to be the person our partners fall in love with.
Then after marriage, if faced with a situation to choose between our mother and our spouse/partner, we have a tendency to choose the later.
We do not miss our mother as much as we miss our spouse or girl/boy friend.
We can go for days not calling or talking to our mother but the minutes seem like hours when we do not talk to our lover.
We can go for months, even years, not seeing/visiting our mother, but we must see our lover every day, sometimes even more than once.
For at least 15 to 20 years of our life, we leaned on our mother for love, care and support. She was there for us come rain or shine, in sickness or in health. Then when we are able to walk on our own, we throw away "our walking stick" and we take an oath to our spouse that "in good times or bad times, in sickness or in health, till death do us part"!
It was my mother's turn to host the Thanksgiving Dinner for her siblings but her maid had to take an urgent leave. She then asked me to help her out.
Even though i no longer celebrate Thanksgiving since reverting to Islam, i agreed to help (welll, she is my mum after all!!) on condition that there were no pork dishes in the preparations and that i did not have to attend the dinner gathering and meet all the relatives, who no doubt will feel awkward in my presence.
While preparing the dishes with my mum, she started telling me about how her mum, and even her grandmother, used to do them and how she felt it was important to preserve the family traditions. She then hinted about me.. that it was a pity i have decided to go away from the "family path" by becoming a muslim and discarded the family traditions.
I couldn't help myself and asked her if one should keep the family traditions even if they were not correct. But being old and having an unchangeable mindset, my mum replied that even if I managed to convince her about Islam, she would still not forsake her family traditions.
I could go on arguing with her but then i thought about the story of our Prophet's uncle. How even at his deathbed, Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) made great efforts to get his uncle to say the Shahahdah but without success, because his uncle chose to stick to his family's tradtions and beliefs.
So who am i, then, to be able to change my mum's insistence to adhere to her family traditions?
However, i am fooling myself if i say i did not feel a liitle sad for not being able to be included in the family gathering. There were times i missed my relatives. It is never the same any more whenever we meet. Despite much efforts, there exist still a barrier between them & me. I used to be close to my cousins but some of my aunts & uncles do not like me to mix too closely with their children now as they are afraid i may "influence" them towards Islam.
The loneliness and sadness are worse during the Islamic festivals. Yes, i always have friends around who never fail to ask me to join their families but it is still not the same.
Seeing them shed tears when they ask for forgiveness from their parents and siblings, especially at Ramadhan, i cry in my heart and silently ask my mum to forgive me for not being able to join her in her christian celebrations the way she wants me to. I know she misses me. I too miss her during my Islamic celebrations. And after the Eid prayers in the mornings, muslims go back home to await their visitors, i go back home to catch up on my nap! My Tradition!
If someone who was suffering from a terminally ill disease, such as cancer, were to propose to you, would you still marry him/her even though you know your time together may last for just a short time?
The mother of a friend of mine is trying to arrange her to be married to her best friend's son who is suffering from cancer and who doctors say may just have a couple of months to live. The parents are trying to fulfill a dying wish of the guy to be married before his time is up.
My girlfriend likes the guy as a friend but she is uncertain if she wants to go through the stage of falling in love with him as a husband and then knowing that she will be suffering the loss of him very soon.
Should she plunge into the pool or just stay ashore on safe land?
As i walked through the streets and villages in China, i observed the life of the people. They are all occupied about their livelihood and earnings and about getting by day to day that i doubt if they ever think much about religion or the hereafter. For most of them their life will pass without even knowing about Allah swt, His Attributes and His gifts to them. They may be nice people in their own way and they are just innocently following traditions that have been handed down from generations to generations because they have never been exposed to the knowledge of Islam.
Then the thought came to my mind...
Why did Allah still create them? What is the purpose of their lifes on earth and what happens to them in the hereafter?
Should we be grateful that we are not amongst the ignorant? Yet for most of us who have been chosen by Him to be amongst the priviledged ones to be exposed to His Existence and the Right Path, what are we doing about our life and how are we wasting this gift from Him?
How about our children? Do we put in the effort to ensure that they are properly guided or like one muslim mother mentioned to me once, "It's uncool to insist our children (especially the girls) to dress in traditional garbs and disallow mixing with friends of the opposite sex, or disallow gestures of hand shakes or hugs of warm friendship casue these will make life difficult for them in this modern world. We don't want our neighbours to think we muslims are soooo backward!!" Gosh, when i heard this, i told the lady that she made Islam sound like some archaic religion!
We make excuses or we sweep under the rug, the teachings of Islam which we find unpleasing to man, at the expence of incurring the displeasures of Allah. Yet we are dependant on Allah, the Exalted, for our EVERY happiness.
Writing this thought suddenly gives me goosebumps and fear of myself ever falling into that same trap, even unconsiously. May Allah forgive and protect me, Insyallah.
Bumped into my ex, couple of months back. We were an item during my non muslim days. We got along very well actually; same wavelength, similar interests, even same sense of humour! Our difference was our status. His family was filthy rich; I was a mere commoner to them. And the biggest obstacle was his mother.
She had a girl in mind for him. Someone from an equally wealthy family. She openly showed her dislike for my non branded shoes, handbags, outfits, lack of gold jewellery. The truth is I never fancied gold or branded items. And till today, even though i could afford them, i am not inclined to indulge in them.
I eventually moved away from the relationship because to me, strong disapproval from the mother-in-law could create problems in the marriage in the long term.
So my ex did marry the girl of his mother's choice, but now they are divorced and no kids involved.
Being in contact recently, we discovered we still have the same chemistry. My ex is especially keen to bring our relationship to a deeper level, even to the point of converting to Islam. I have been stalling any reply because I am really not convinced that he wants to convert for the right reasons.
Two scenarios are derived:
1) Ideal man, genuine marriage intention, but doubtful love for Islam.
2) Ideal man, genuine marriage intention, doubtful love for Islam, but eventually with deeper learning and guidance would hopefully lead to genuine love for Islam.
Me mind's in a juggle...Should I plunge? Is this perhaps Allah's way of leading the guy to Islam or is this a test of my iman?
After jetting in and out of airports for the past several weeks, it was so nice to return to familiar surroundings!
Woke up and realised it was still in the wee hours of the morning.
Hmm....still not over the foreign jet lag.
Wide awake; impossible to go back to sleep.
Looked out of the window.
What to do?
Start the engine.
It purred beautifully.
Bravo! As usual....Always dependable.
Roads empty and everything seems on standstill.
Except for the changing of the traffic lights.
Car stereo on.
Soothing slow music playing.
All the perfect combinations.
Like making the perfect cake!
Exuding feelings and emotions of tranquillity, serenity, tenderness, sentimentality.....
Formidable! Exhilirating Drive!
Absence does make the heart grow fonder!
Absence makes us appreciate the things we take for granted....
Someone i know, who btw was a divorcee and had recently remarried, was trying to match me up with his friend. Apparently his friend had seen me and had asked him to arrange our meeting. My reply was negative but this guy kept pestering. Then what blew me off was when he said that he never fails to carry out an "Amanah" (Trust) and this is an "Amanah' that he intends to fulfill for his friend.
AMANAH(Trust)..Yes, there are often widespread teachings about this topic. That it is something a Muslim should not take lightly. However i feel that people tend to overlook to apply this teaching when it comes to marriages, and worse still, if divorce followed up!
During the weddings, irrespective of the religion, the gist of the marriage vows would usually go along the lines of the couples declaring that they would be faithful to each other, take care of each other, to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do they part, etc, etc, etc.
This declaration, is it not done in the presence of so many witnesses at the wedding? Is this not an "Amanah" that has been declared? Then what happens after that?? How did some marriages end so badly? Most likely it was due to either one or both parties failing to keep the Amanah.
Where is the trust and effort to be faithful, to care, to love, cherish and comfort each other, to have and to hold each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer??
In the course of caring, comforting, cherishing etc, when one partner is angry, is it not an Amanah for the other to appease the anger or for the angry one to see if he/she was wrong in being angry? When one is in the wrong, is it not an Amanah to correct the wrong or accept to be corrected by the other? Is it not an Amanah to keep the love alive in the marriage? If money is the root of the problem, is it not an Amanah to find solutions, give support, encouragement to each other morally, emotionally, practically?
I am not accusing just the husbands or just the wives. The Amanah of keeping a marriage exciting, romantic, blissful, intact.. falls equally on both parties. It requires sincere efforts, forgiveness, kindness, mutual respect. It takes two to clap, two to tango. It takes water to douse the fire, not fuel to feed the fire.
We take pains to be courteous, grateful, tolerant and generous with our praises to friends, clients, business associates, outsiders.. but often we take our spouses, children, family members for granted. To me, this is exercising Wrong Priorities... Misplaced Amanah...
Misplaced Trust...this is what i told my divorced parents too.. to me, they mocked the vows they took at their wedding...
A Mufti (muslim scholar) sat next to a Reverend on a flight. The Rev asked the Mufti: "What is your occupation?"
Mufti: I'm into big business.
Rev: But what business exactly?
Mufti: I deal with God.
Rev: Ah, so you're a Muslim religious leader. I have one problem with you Muslims: you oppress your women.
Mufti: How do we oppress women?
Rev: You make your women cover up completely and keep them in the homes.
Mufti: Ah. I have a problem with you people: you oppress MONEY.
Rev: What? How can one oppress money?
Mufti: You keep your money hidden away, in wallets, banks and safes... You keep it covered up. Why don't you display it in public if it's a beautiful thing?
Rev: It will get stolen, obviously.
Mufti: You keep your money hidden because it is so valuable. We value the true worth of women far, far more. Therefore, these precious jewels are not on display to one and all. They are kept in honour and dignity....
How do you deal with a surprised proposal for marriage??
When a guy springs with a surprised proposal for marriage, how does a girl respond without losing a beautiful friendship?
There are situations when you are caught unprepared and a guy suddenly proposes to you but actually marriage to him was never on your mind. He has been a good and trusted friend but when this happens it puts you in a difficult situation because:
If you say 'NO' it would hurt the guy's feelings and you end up losing a very good friend, because he would have been embarassed and hurt by your response.
If you say 'YES' when you are actually not fully prepared, you still end up losing a very good friend because a one-sided marriage produces different expectations and comittments from the partners and the relationship will eventually turn sour.
It is such a sensitive situation....
I have a friend who looks much younger for her age. People often mistook her to be in her 20s even though she is past 30.
She had a colleague who was interested in her and kept trying to date her. Eventually she agreed and they got along well. But on their 5th outing, he discovered that she was 4 years older than him. After that he stopped calling her and avoided to go out with her. When she finally asked him why, he admitted that he was unconmfortable that she was older than him.
Gosh, does the age of the lady really matters to guys? Who set the universal rule that the lady partner should always be younger than the guy ??? Or is it because we often succumb to peer pressure and society's expectations?
Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart
and it means that someone can get inside you
and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses,
you build up a whole suit of armor,
so that nothing can hurt you,
then one stupid person,
no different from any other stupid person,
wanders into your stupid life.....
You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day,
like kiss you or smile at you,
and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness;
so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends'
turns into a glass splinter
working its way into your heart.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt,
a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love.
The football match was spirited
Despite my favored team losing
The concert was dynamic
Notwithstanding being accompanied by your yawning.
And you said "Bravo!"
The joggings kept us trimmed
The Nature Walk left mosquito bites
The sailings, my worst sunburn ever
The tennis, your sore knee
And you said "Ouch!"
You finally passed Sociology
I even scored in Mathematics
Your 23rd cake rose to heights
And I eventually parallel parked
And you said "Eureka!"
You accomplished strikes on the alley
I managed to beat your score on the pc
You learnt to appreciate sushi
I survived escargots
And you said "Bon Appetite!"
You cheered me up when my hamster died
I cheered you up when your BMW smashed
You dragged me to my yoga classes
I dragged you to your gym sessions
And you said "Keep it up!"
But then why did you have to spoil them all
They could have lasted, you know
The list came to a halt for me
When you said "I love you so!"
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you're a vegetarian. "
" Have love for your friend unto a limit for it is possible he may turn into your enemy some day; and hate your enemy unto a limit for it is possible he may turn into your friend some day. "
~ Saying of Ali ibn Abi Talib (ra)
PEOPLE asked: " What is most beneficial for a man? "
IBN MUBAARAK: " Perfect intelligence. "
PEOPLE: " If he lacks perfect intelligence? "
IBN MUBAARAK: " Beautiful manners. "
PEOPLE: " If he lacks beautiful manners? "
IBN MUBAARAK: " Seeking advice from a kind brother. "
PEOPLE: " If he has no such brother? "
IBN MUBAARAK: " Then silence. "
PEOPLE: " If he is unable to remain silent? "
IBN MUBAARAK: Then death is best for him.
A married girlfriend wants very much to embrace Islam. However her husband and children are very much against Islam.
If she really does convert, what happens to her marriage???
Can she remain married to the same husband or is it necessary for her to seek a divorce as the union would then be haram??
I appreciate good food and I enjoy cooking. Only problem is I live alone and there is so much that I can eat by myself.
But during Ramadhan, I usually bake or cook slightly more and would send some to a couple of my friends and neighbours.
I have a new neighbour and I like playing with their young children. This is their first Ramadhan in the neighbourhood and I had included them in the list of whom I would send some of the dishes for their breaking fast. My intentions were purely in the spirit of Ramadhan, but yesterday I was surprised to discover that this action of mine was not welcomed.
The wife sent the cakes and food back to me and accused me of "wrecking" her marriage. Apparently her husband enjoyed my food and kept asking her why she cannot cook as well, and she gets very sensitive about this and they even end up quarrelling.
The sad part is that she even accused me of trying to show off my culinary skills and incinuate that I may have intentions of seducing her husband!! Despite my assurance that I had no ulterior motives, nor do I have any interest in her husband and that I was even prepared to give her the recipes if it would help, she still continued to accuse me of being brazen.
Mashaallah! It never crossed my mind that such a reaction was even possible!
So I am now sharing this experience in the hope of enlightening both the ladies and the guys:
Ladies, beware that such an unimaginable misunderstanding can occur....
Guys, beware not to praise the cooking of another lady in front of your wives!!
A reminder too that whatever success we may have, the credit is not actually ours to claim because they were made possible by Allah, the Exalted. All praises are rightly due to Him, and that is why we should remember to say ..... Alhamdulillah!