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baqi9
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Posted on Thu, Mar 01, 2007 19:20

As salaamu alaikum believers, I've had it done to me and I'm sure other men have to. The problem is or seems to be a problem, men having children. As a kafr kid it was common to her men say that they wanted a woman with no kids, but in Islam I'm funding that common among the women to say. How'd things get so backwards that we are resembling the kufr in this type of speech? In Islam the mother gets the children in a divorce. Of course there are conditions both ways, but the mother getting the children is the norm. If the mother gets married, then the father's rights to the children outweigh the mother's rights to them and he gets the children. Like I said before, there are conditions both ways. My complaint, shock, and amazement is that if a brother has children a lot of sisters aren't seeing this as a brother sticking to Qur'an and Sunnah. They tipically see it as a burden on them and refuse to even going any further. I've been told by sisters with their own children that the person they are going to marry can't have any children...but they have children.?. What's the deal with that? We men should take care of yours, but you refuse ours?...


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baqi9
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Posted on Sun, Mar 11, 2007 09:43

As Salaamu Alaikum sister Fatima, Nobody wants to be around, let alone care for bad kids...man or woman. But the problem is that most sister won't go far enough to know if this is the case with the brother's children. Masha Allah I've never received complaints on the behavior of my children, except my yougest son's livelyness at times, but nothing on bad behavior. Yet my daughter was very protective of my marrying anyone. That's not the case anymore, but it sure was then. She just had to see that the sister had good intentions. I think that is the norm for most kids' parents remarrying. I think that some sort of investigation on the sister's part should happen to see if she can tolerate the children. I'm not saying that in a bad way, because she has to know if she can tolerate the would-be husband too.


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fatima22
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Posted on Sat, Mar 10, 2007 09:24

Assalamualaikum Frankly if the woman loves kids, i do not think the guy having children from his previous marriage should matter at all. Maybe the fear of the women is that the kids would be rebellious and refuse to accept her as their step mother even if she tries to be nice to them, and worse if the father favours his children blindly and always take their sides, this would create problems in the marriage. This part should be the husband's responsibilty to act in fairness, and he should also assure the intended wife of this awareness. Or there is the fear that the biologial mother may incite bad thoughts on the children to cause them to make things difficult for the step mother. Step fahters role is usually to provide for the children financially, but step mothers have more to deal with when it comes to upbringing the children...... Whatever it is the step mother can never replace the children's biological mother, this is a fact. But she could at least be their friend and care for them as any mother would, because i should think most children would respond to love and genuine caring. To me, any child should be loved, nutured and respected, no matter who their parents may be. I thinks kids are simply fascinating, especially the very young ones...they are innocent, curious and responsive... So unless the children, especailly the older ones, are very much against their father remarrying, then the woman may need to think seriously to proceed, but if this is not the case, i cannot understand why there should be a refusal just on the basis that the guy has kids from his previous marriage ....


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