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CHOOSE MARRY WITH REALLY GOOD MUSLEM MAN & SHARE HUSBAND... Sort by:
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Saridewirahmat
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Posted on Fri, Sep 01, 2006 11:03

VOTE FOR ALL MY MUSLIMAH SISTER IN THIS WEB... ( I NEED YOUR COMMENT) :-) *** WHAT DO U THINK... IF U MUST CHOOSE MARRY WITH A VERY GOOD MUSLIM &SHARE HUSBAND WITH OTHERS GOOD MUSLEM WOMAN..., OR MARRY WITH SO SO MUSLEM MAN, & HAVE HIM JUST FOR YOU...? BECAUSE FOR ME, DOESN'T MATTER IF ONE DAY, I HAVE VERY GOOD MUSLEM HUSBAND, AND HE MARRY AGAIN WITH OTHERS GOOD MUSLEM WOMAN, RESPONIBLE TO ALL WIWES &FAIR, AT LEAST ALWAYS TRY TO BE FAIR... 4ME, AS LONG I'M BECOME A FIRST WIFE, I'M OK. BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE TO TAKE/ STEAL SOMEONE ELS'S LOVE... TELL ME, AM I SILLY? OR JUST BIT STRANGE...? LETS BE HONEST. THANKS***


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baqi9
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Posted on Fri, Sep 08, 2006 07:40

"All marriages don't end in divorce.At some point one of them will be called by the Angel of Death.At that point decisions have to be made.Will he/she marry again?Can I get over my first love and move on? Am I desirable?These questions should come later in life ,not in your prime.Then a Sister can consider your Idea of Sharing a husband.Yes it's permissible but don,t short change yourself.Prayer and patience and may Allah bless you with a very good husband that you won,t have to share." I'm sorry brother, but where in the world do you get that frame of mind in this deen? Those comments have no basis in the history of Islam. An Nabi SAWS married his daughters to brothers that had wives and they were not in the condition that you suggest a sister be in before she goes into a plural marriage. Funny(not the haha type), but Allah said that we should follow Nabi Muhammad SAWS since he is a perfect example. And Nabi Muhammad SAWS said that the ummah should be upon what he and his companions were upon. Is it not right that the companions (the ones that could afford it) practiced plural marriage. Answer: Yes. Allah said that He perfected this religion during the life of Nabi Muhammad SAWS, so we have no rights to try and change any of this perfect deen to suit our desires or intellect. Because by doing so we are infact saying that we know better than Allah and His Messenger SAWS. Plural marriage is a trial for the sisters' desires. All women are jealous to some extent. How they respond to this act that Allah Himself loves is between Allah and them. When she is already married, does taking another wife constitute a valid reason for wanting a divorce? In her mind at the time it may. And for the sisters that are not yet married but say they'd never marry into a plural marriage...is it better to have a good husband who loves Allah and trys to emulate An Nabi SAWS and his companions, or have a husband that submits to you rather than Allah? Truthfully, this one is not a man. A man is not required to ask his wife's permission to marry again. It is recommended that he inform her to try to prevent shock and accusations of being unfaithful. But even with that, a man does not have to tell his current wife. If anyone has proof from that Qur'an and Sunnah against this please provide it, since opinions only amount to a waste of breath and maybe a quick trip to the hell fire against the Qur'an and Sunnah. Also a wife does not have to find or help find another wife for the husband. It would be nice if sisters did that, but they don't have to. My advice to everyone including myself, is to study this religion with sincerity in and for the sake of Allah. Allah says:it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good [al-Nisa? 4:19] Truely Allah is the only One that knows what is good and what is bad. What we can handle and what we can't handle. So do we really rely on Allah, or are we faking so that people think good of us?


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Saridewirahmat
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Posted on Thu, Sep 07, 2006 06:43

... I already really really fogive you and forget about my frustated feelings. Oh... Maybe you were right...? Anyway... I would still let my husband marry with an other good muslim sister if he wants or it's possible for my marriage's condition in future. My elder bro in law, Mustafa... He was joking; that may I would have a husband, who he has others wife besides me, or I would become a fourth wife one day. I got that joke since when I was around 12/13 or 11yrs old... Not sure about the time, sorry. I answered, "yes I would like to have others sister/ as long she's a good too or maybe her character would be more good than me, I don't mind. why not...? As long I have a good muslim husband and he can to afford all his marriage life". My bro Faruq, we all have our own choice for our life, and I would choose my own life without any regret, Insya Alloh. Anything wrong in me, if all bro&sister here would like to remain me all the time, of course I will always appreciate and say many, many thanks. I would always happy to have any conversation by this blogs And try to not angry. Because all we are here... for love each other in muslim ways.... I'm so sorry too if I was writing some hard words for your comment in this blogs. I'm young and still very silly, need many quide from all sis&bro here. Wassalam


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faruq253
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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 18:45

Asalaam Alaikum Sister I just want to say that even if I implied that you are frustrated then I was wrong and I sincerely apologize.I love you for the sake of Allah and only want the best for you.I pray that you do find a husband that loves you and treats you well.lets stay in touch In Sha Allah. Your brother in Islam


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Saridewirahmat
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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 05:20

Comment for sister Zai1197. In my country... Hindu and Buddha r allowing polygamy. We have a controversial event,Islam Polygamy Awards. Don't know still continue till now/not. But in Indo polygamy is normal as long the first wife allows it. I think, would be not easy to be first wife if we practicing Islam marriage laws exactly. Coz first wife usually if she likes.., must choose, propose to a second/third wives for her husband. Bless them marriage, and must always be fair &very patience gives a good lesson by her character to others husband wives. I think, Insya Alloh, I have strong enough character to be fair, be patience to others sister. But I wouldn't strong enough to hurt an other woman heart with take her husband. That's why I think, become first is okay... All just my wishes. Just God knows what will happens in future... Wassalam.


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Saridewirahmat
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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 01:35

Here, for my brother Farug253... I never feel frustrated because no husband... I never marry... because I believe, I don't get my takdeer yet (oh I must edit my profile here:-)...) This Islam laws I accepted since I was 12 /13 yrs old. Since first time I could read, I was 4/5yrs old...I read everything I took, all my father books from his cabinet. My father imam in mosque, I'm not so good as him... But when I knew all story about our prophet Muhammad SAW... I thought, we have the most beautiful rules in the world, about marriage by Islam and to be a sakinah wife. I proud with Muhammad SAW life's way, since I was 12/13... I'm laughing if I was frustrating since that age, because have no husband...The reality is: all my muslimah sister here, who they are still single... Needs a husband right? Or just want be single forever and wish all get their dreamer husband one day...? To get a good muslim man... Very hard, if we are not good enough or coz takdeer. I forgive you my elder brother... About my frustration feelings. Wassalam :-)


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Saridewirahmat
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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 01:09

I hope I would get from all my sister Muslim comments in this web. Being good not too difficult... Be honest could be difficult sometimes. To find man easy, also to get husband. To marry with Muslim man very possible...because we are in growing population:-). Allhamdullillah. If we get very good Muslim husband... And If Wallahi...we love him. Why then we not try to give any happiness and sacrifice to our beloved husband? Muslim woman should be strong as Fatima... Far Way from jealously.., selfish and greedy. Muslim man should be strong, honest, responsible and protecting to all family. If we wouldn't not let our husband marry again and accept our other Muslim sister with love... Should we let him cheat us behind...? I can forget someone else fault easy, one really need lots time to really forgive and forget... Lies. Man has their original character, aggressive ( that's why almost there's man goes to a war just for attacking others). Or do I look like a weak woman now... Cos won't to keep my husband strong enough just for my self, in the future.....?????? Insya Alloh. Or may all my sisters here, need time to thinking about what a comment should give to this topic...??? Really, want discus between Muslim woman as woman. Always feel free being honest here please... Right?...Wassalam


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faruq253
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Posted on Sun, Sep 03, 2006 22:51

Salaam Alakum Sister I think that is a practical approach for some sisters.But I also think that when possible a younger Sister should be patient and allow time to find your first husband.In Sha Allah there will be no need to feel the frustrations some more mature aged sisters feel after their first marriage ends.All marriages don't end in divorce.At some point one of them will be called by the Angel of Death.At that point decisions have to be made.Will he/she marry again?Can I get over my first love and move on? Am I desirable?These questions should come later in life ,not in your prime.Then a Sister can consider your Idea of Sharing a husband.Yes it's permissible but don,t short change yourself.Prayer and patience and may Allah bless you with a very good husband that you won,t have to share.


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Posted on Sun, Sep 03, 2006 19:41

That is such an interesting point of view! In the US many women have the attitude that if you are second it is because there was some defect in the first wife, so the co-wife sometimes, mistakenly, thinks that she is superior, or that the husband loves her more. Generally speaking, I think that if there is a Muslim who can be fair to all of his wives, most Muslimahs would not have a problem sharing. Personally, deen is non-negotiable, I would prefer to have a husband with deen.


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baqi9
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Posted on Sun, Sep 03, 2006 08:46

As Salaamu Alaikum sister There is nothing weird or strange in your understanding other than you having to be the first wife (if that is what you meant). Mashallah you fit into the deen as it is, and that is strange to and for the sisters and brothers that don't like some aspects of this perfect religion. I've seen people and heard of so many people (sisters) marrying a guy just because he is from their tribe, race, country, etc...eventhough he is not a good muslim. Brothers marrying their daughters to brothers known not to be good muslims, but have money, tribe whatever, or status. And the brothers who are known good muslims and/or can take care of a second or third or fourht wife are laughed at, scourned, and treated as though we have no business trying to have a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wife. Mind you that most of those marriages to brothers not practicing the deen properly end with the sister being deeply hurt, and that is to be expected. But hey their desires got what they wanted...a brother who was single with so so deen over a brother with one wife and good deen. 'ajeeb.


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