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Haleemah
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total posts: 26
Posted on Wed, Jul 11, 2007 07:07

As Salaamu Alaikum my dear brothers and sisters... I'll give you all a brief... For sometime now this brother and I have been talking in regards to marriage- we both agree that we want to marry each other... MashAllah... He's from Egypt but lived most of his Adult hood here in the US. So you can say he's a mixed of middle eastern/ american culture. How american is he? He's a contract soldier in the US army stationed in Iraq. Anywho- When we talk by email he comes across very arrogant (example: Last night we where discussing us and the next step. He said that I should come first in you life at all times and that he should be respected all around." Granted that's the rules in Islam... Your husband is first because now he's your Imam. I was like and in the same manner I would like to be respected at all times too... He went on "Why do you do that? it's always a 1 to 1 with you." then he went on to say that I have a strong peronality and I am unpredictable. Which is true... aka I am a woman... and I get the feeling that he feels that I am in competing with me- as to who will wear the pants... Which I am not...(I don't feel like I am). So my question is- how if your american wife or african american wife where you able to make your spouse see that you're with him and not against him... What I get from him- is that he already as it set in his mind that we're married or close to be- therefore he wants me to follow suit and have a wife mentality... But we're not married and I am thinking as a singleton. But inshAllah once I am married I would follow suit and be an obedient wife. Am I wrong in thinking in this manner?


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osamarazapk
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total posts: 2
Posted on Sun, Oct 21, 2007 23:44

Assalam-u-Alaikum hey y u sister are calling him middle eastern?? he is from Egypt and it means that he is north African not mid easter lol... Wassalam-U-Alaikum


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american4islam
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total posts: 55
Posted on Thu, Jul 19, 2007 00:51

I don't think you're wrong at all in thinking this way. It's natural. Most women will recognise the 'truth' that they are regarded as 'individual' when single, but once they marry, they become 'someone's wife'. This may or may not be satisfactory to both of you. If not, a lot of problems will arise. The husband and wife role should be complementary, and only successful if there is no resentment on both sides. There's no difference of value between male and female Muslims--we are equal in every respect and created from a single soul; one sex is not more important or cherished by Allah than another. However, the duty of the husband is to be the boss, the head of the family. If that isn't the case, friction will arise. Therefore, I think it's important that both parties take great care to marry a partner whom they respect and who is worthy of the other. They should be a team, interdependent, if you will. A good Muslim husband should treat his wife as he would treat himself, because on the Day of Judgment, he will have to answer to Allah (SWT). A good Muslim wife, according to the Prophet (SAWS), should perform her salat, restrain from adultery, and obey her husband. The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) knew that it was wrong to try and force women to change their characters and be different, and pointless to be frustrated by things that won't change. He said, 'Treat women kindly. Women have been created from a rib and the most crooked part of it is the upper region. If you try and straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it as is, it is bound to remain crooked. So treat women kindly!' Finally, the most important factor in any Islamic marriage, of course, is Allah (SWT). He comes first and His will should be sought after by both spouses. A husband's wishes should always be respected unless he tried to turn you away from Allah (SWT). Of course, Allah (SWT) knows best. I will make du'a for a successful marriage for you, sister, inshaAllah.


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Destinydaisy
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total posts: 17
Posted on Fri, Jul 13, 2007 11:00

he is more likely using his mid eastern mentality than his American one. In Islam is pretty clear how husband and wife should treat each other. The Qur'an says your wife has rights over you and you have rights over her, but that doesn't mean one rules with absolute power and disregards the other. Some Muslim men bring stuff that aren't Islamic and make it like is part of our faith. He needs to read the Qur'an and the Sunnah of the prophet S.A.W., so he may come to understand the role of husband from an Islamic prospective rather than an mid east/American culture.


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