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Muslim Blogs > Sheryne's blogs > Share my Laughter, Never my Sorrow...
Share my Laughter, Never my Sorrow... Sort by:
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sheryne
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Posted on Sat, Jul 21, 2007 11:05

...Which is why I am typing away right now. Never will I confide my problems with anyone in real life. Anyway, that would make a FINE title for an art film. I am at a point in my life where I feel slightly disoriented and sometimes alone, even though I am surrounded by friends and loved-ones. Now, why is that? I, myself, do not know why I'm having such feelings and am trying to find out exactly the cause of it. I have been the youngest staff at my workplace ever since I got posted there. The bulk of my colleagues are in their thirties. And since my working environment is pre-dominantly female, the topic of conversation would normally and naturally revolve around children, or rather THEIR children. Most of the time I do join in, but as I am single and without a child, the conversation doesn't flow as smoothly. My close friends are settling down one by one. Three of them are getting married this year, another will be next year. There are 9 of us. 4 down, 5 more to go. I worry I'll be the last one left on the shelf. And then, before I knew it, even my shelf-life is over and I'm expired. We were talking the other time, and I slowly realised we are not on the same page as we were before. All they ever talk about now are wedding preparations and wedding preparations and... nothing else! I feel nostalgic walking down memory lane, remembering our care-free days back in school. But I know change is inevitable. I don't talk about my anxieties to my family. You can share my laughter, but never my sorrow. Sometimes I think it is unfair to cause them unnecessary worries. I tell myself, "I'm all right!" which is not always true, but I'm also afraid these pent-up feelings may be bad for my health. Already experiencing some of the signs and symptoms... Am I egoistic? Or maybe I just want to deny that actually I am not all right. I never share my sorrow. Do I see a mortal shoulder to cry on?


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sincerity2005
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total posts: 19
Posted on Tue, Nov 27, 2007 04:39

salaam.my dear sisters Sheryne and Alexandra1985 i hope you and yours are in the best of health and content with life,Insha'Allah. it is never easy to share your personal feelings/problems with anyone in person and particularly with somebody you know,especially friends and family.i feel most people can't be trusted to be confidants.so,it is not always the best policy to confide in others. it is not unusual for one to feel slightly disorientated or alone.we all go through that process at times in life,at least i do.even in a crowd of people one can feel lonely.such feelings are natural and with time one will realise that. as you say your working environment is predominantly female and therefore the topic of conversation would normally and naturally revolve around children.knowing that most of your female colleagues are mothers and therefore have first hand experience of the topic of conversation in question it is understandable that the conversation doesn't flow as smoothly for you as it may with others.you seem to have rightly identified this yourself and so shouldn't really be that worried. if possible try to get your female colleagues involved in other topics of conversation such as shopping,fashion,women's rights or whatever takes your fancy but something your colleagues can also identify with. you full well know that marriage is inevitable for your friends as well as you and a tinge of emotion is expected knowing that the relationship between yourself and the friend(s) getting married will change slightly due to them being in a committed relationship.all this will probably be adding to your feelings of loneliness but it is not unusual so please try not to worry about it too much.i know it's easier said than done.your shelf life (as you put it) will not expire as you sound (and very likely are) a very intelligent, kind, caring, compassionate and affectionate YOUNG lady and i'm sure you have plenty of other good characteristics.as you rightly identified that your married female work colleagues talked about children and related topics likewise this group of young ladies who are your friends and in the prime of their lives will inevitably be discussing marriage or eligible bachelors.i and anyone else for that matter would also be feeling nostalgic just like you.memories are for life. i also didn't talk about a lot of my anxieties with my family,mainly for the same reasons you have mentioned.i feel the best way to get rid of pent up feelings which may affect one's health is to open up but to others that are anonymous,like on here.that way you manage to get some of your anxieties out whilst still remaining anonymous. all you maybe lacking is some confidence and as for possibly being egoistic i think it's nothing more than you being emotional just like the rest of us. take care my dear sister Allah hafiz


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Alexandra1985
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Posted on Wed, Jul 25, 2007 22:37

Salaam sister, I know, I know.. But it's okay to cry sometimes, really.. That means you are human and you have feelings.. Don't worry about crying, worry if you can't feel anything. Your heart is still white.. :)Friends are for lifetime. In good and bad times.


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sheryne
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Posted on Wed, Jul 25, 2007 21:44

Hey. Thanks for the reply. I don't usually write mushy stuff like that online, especially for the whole world to see. In fact I hate it! But it's just that sometimes, it's hard to stay cheerful all the time...


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Alexandra1985
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Posted on Mon, Jul 23, 2007 02:36

Salaam sister, You are not alone.. *big hug* I myself cried alone last Friday. Yes, I do have friends. Yes, we have close relationship..but like you, I rather don't share my sorrows, even it should be like that. I think it's easier to share these feelings with someone, who is NOT involved in your every-day-life. You both can benefit keeping a friend who is so close, but far enough.. It's not easy if your friends are going faster in their life.. They have moved the next level, while you are still trying to getting there.. If you feel outsider, how about you are trying to make friends with people who are in same situation in life.. So, your friends are married..but do you really think their life is more interesting than yours? Trust me, as a single you can have interesting life and do as well interesting things.. Weddings are weddings... Once in a life time..of course it's a big deal, but more big deal is will you be happy after these weddings..so you needed rush to get married.. And please be patient with your friends..they surely appreciate your friendship..


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