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Posted on Aug 08, 2007 at 05:38 AM

I don't know how to say things which are inside me. i feel dry because whatever i have said its taken negatively. I'm lost and i got punished for the mistake i made willingly. so called mistake actually. i remember the slap and how i explained myself and how it was well understood and then again same thing and same issue slammed over my head for what? i don't know. i've lived what i've lived and i feel short on breaths. i did things which i knew would go against me and will be taken wrongly. but i did them because when you love somebody you think of that person and if the world comes falling on your head you take it. you take the bad name so the other person can see you, thats what i did. out of desperation and living hell and i did things and said things. and guess what, i was taken wrongly. in order to make somebody realise and see, desperate situation require desperate measures. that include hit where it hurts most. and thats what i did and for a minute i was understood but pushed and ignored to hell later. i saw my limits because to say things against god is beyond me but i said them and took the bad name so somebody can feel the shock and once realised knowing me and my character will not effect it because its not in me to say such things. but like i said desperate situation desperate measures. god bless the feeling that i have in me and its killing me and i am where i fear of the fall. this is not a desperate measure but, a fact. pushed ignored and taken wrongly. what's left in me. i wish i had some thing to cling because for somebody i said those things so to realise and believe, and to that somebody i am worthless. without realising that why i said and who i am. i can not explain because i'm done. thats why i deleted them posts because they served their purpose and delivered the shock. time to say salaam and god bless you for ignoring and for misunderstanding me. i cherish you and the reason for me being bad is not that i am but so you can see my love.

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