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Haleemah
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total posts: 26
Posted on Mon, Jun 26, 2006 12:00

Salaam I went out to lunch with a friend of mine and we were briefly chatting about this... My friend has been looking online for a spouse through various sites for more then a year. Alhamdulilah she is a newlywed... She met her husband through a friend whom she met over the web... Hence she met he now husband over the web. My sister called me sometime last week saying that we're going to venture into cyber space and find a possible spouse because in todays time doing thing the Traditionational way isn't working... But my only problem is the I don't have the patients to actually sift through a profile of men that aren't serious or just want someone to talk to to end up back at square one. I don't think I have that much commitment or drive to actually goe through 10,000 loser and in the end after 2 years of search Finally meet a man that I am comfy with. i know some sisters that have met thier mate online but they all tell me 'IT HARD WORK AND SOMETIMES IT TAKES A LONG TIME" now in the end I'm wondering is it worth it? Like I don't care to make friends with men nor do I care for the Degree holders looking to have cyber fun. why can't a brotha that's really serious about marriage step up and say that they are interested in getting married... instead of "Let's be friends and see what happens" I read that once a man mark a girl as a Friend then that's all she'll ever be is a friend and nothing more... So why do that? You know, I just might not be read to deal with the stress!!! I don't want to stress over finding a spouse.. Islami is easy and simple...WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A SPOUSE THEN? Cheers Ma Salaama

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lolly
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total posts: 19
Posted on Thu, Jun 29, 2006 05:20

oh I hear you sister. The Internet is not the ideal place to find a partner and it can take months, maybe years, maybe never. A friend of mine keeps telling me that when Allah wills marriage for me, the right man will come right to may door. Beautiful concept and I agree that it will only happen with Allah's will. However it is not within who I am to sit around and do nothing. So for me the Internet is a possibility, but I do not rely on it. We do not know where our naseeb will come from, so we do what we can within the boundries of Islam and rely on Allah 100%. Sister, u do not need to sift through 10,000 losers. I would suggest that you do not even need to go through profiles or contact anyone. Wait for them to contact you. If a man is serious about marriage and is of good Islamic character, he will make the effort and do what is necessary to contact you. Once you have been contacted, then you can see if that person is worth speaking to or not. Sister, you should be able to tell from the first couple of emails or first chat. If a man shrinks because you mentioned marriage from the first email or chat, then believe me, he is not here for marriage. If a man speaks about friendship, then niether was he ever here for marriage, nor is he a man worth talking to because any pious muslim man would know that there is no such thing as friendship between men and women in Islam. I know it can be very frustrating and time consuming but I suggest, leave your profile, don't do anything, and wait for them to contact you. Also I would suggest making it known in your local community and mosque that you are seeking marriage. Unfortunately many women are imbarassed to do this. Don't be shy to let people know what you want, maybe inshaallah someone knows someone appropriate. Ask people to spread the word about your interest in marriage, inshaallah, when the word spreads, you find that someone, who knows someone, who knows someone etc. may lead you to the right person. Finally never despair, know for sure that Allah has a reason and hekma for the fact that you are still single, even when we do not know or understand why things are as they are. Make lots of duaa for a good pious husband and inshaallah, one day it will happen. I wish you a good deserving man inshaallah for you and all muslim sisters. Salam


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gaamar
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total posts: 24
Posted on Wed, Jun 28, 2006 20:24

Salam, Marriage is hard nowadays because the times are different. I know that i am not looking at marriage the way my mother did. The material world has changed so much and our expectations of what a husband or wife should be have differed also. Best of luck to u and inshallah u find the one you are looking for, but in the meantime, you need to be patient.


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