Marriage with Muslim and not-Muslim: what is your opinion? marriage Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Aug 01, 2006 at 04:18 AM

    Hello everybody,

    I'm a Dutch, not-Muslim woman, and I'm married with my Turkish Muslim husband. We never have problems with our difference in religion, because we are both open-minded and we talk a lot about our opinions, ideas etc about religion.
    But many Muslims are against mixed marriages, mostly because of religion.

    What is your opinion: would you marry a not-Muslim woman or man? Why not, or why would you? What are your experiances with mixed-couples?

    I would like to talk about this with you

    Greetings, Arlette
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  • 23Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Oct 27, 2009 at 09:38 AM

    I wonder how you are feeling about Islam now.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 06, 2009 at 07:46 PM

    Hi Arlette,
    Its an interesting issue, I guess it depends on each individual and particularly the notion of how kids would be raised having two separate religions to deal with.
    My personal view is that religion should be percieved as an individual entity (between one's deity and the individual self) and not as a personal identity. While interpersonal relationships are between two people and remain at a level of mutual understanding. However when the issue of cross-community values intercepts im sure it would call for negotiation.
    At the end of the day you live with whom you are happy with and your religious views are between you and your deity.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 09, 2008 at 06:05 AM

    I as a man, (and I am a woman) would be troubled as I am by looking at your pic. You do not cover yourself and though it is permissible it is disliked. Not covering yourself is like dancing with other guys. It is like "cheating" to Muslim men. I would rather to die then hurt my future husband and not to cover would do this because he was raised from childhood with this belief and yet as well, I love him so much, it is such a simple thing, why would I not do this for him?

    I would do anything for him. When I started to cover I fely more of Allahs peace and I saw the difference it made in the way men treated me. I was sought after before, just by my looks but now they did see me for me and without the lewd disgusting behavior. It is beautiful feeling. I also started to cover my feet and ankles when Allah show me about King Solomon and Queen of Sheba. She go to his castle and he have floor of glass. She thought it was water and lifted her skirts to expose feet and ankles, and in Quran it say this is a disgraceful position for women and I feel that mean we need to cover this too.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 09, 2008 at 05:44 AM

    Why on Earth would you say this? Do you ever read your Quran? It say right in Quran that it is acceptable to marry people of the book...people of the book are Jews and Christians. However, I personally, since becomming Muslim would not marry anyone but Muslim. The Book of the people is not true to form and has been manipulated and changed.

    For example--there is no curse of women--Adam and Eve sinned equally and both had to answer to Allah for what they did. The book speaks about the world being created in 6 days, like six of our days which is ludicrous and in Quran it tells that this was 6 of Gods days.

    There are ways in which woman and men must behave in their roles. You see the break down of these roles all over USA. Ibliss/Satan is like a disease. He spreads by lies and corruption. He is part of the book because it has been changed so the book is good and bad.

    Quran was brought by the last major prophet Muhammed who was illiterate and yet did write it by hand of God working through it. That is how we know it is from God. Allah gives clear signs and the Quran was one, a miracle of sorts.

    When you start to read, and your heart is open to Allah you can feel it is right. He will answer your questions through the Quran. For example, I ask him please help me to be a better Muslim and he show me to a passage where it speak on the canonized prayers.

    Being dyslexic I thought..No way..I can never do this and yet my heart did feel I must so I tried. I used my cell phone to set alarms to remember and my future husband say to me I must memorize the Sura and I think.. no way..but I try. I carry a paper with the sura and 7 or 8 of Allahs names with me everywhere and one day about two weeks later I throw it away. I memorize it.

    The way it makes me feel when I pray is better then anything money can buy. I have Allahs peace upon me. No worries, he guides me, cares for me. Then I start to read the quran mostly every night. These things not only bring you closer to him but they protect you from evil because the closer you get to Allah it seems like the more Satan will attack you. He will come in many ways but you can spot this and under Allah he have no power over you only what you give to him.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 09, 2008 at 05:29 AM

    If you respect him you should convert. Marriage to a person of the book by a Muslim is allowed by Quran---People of the book = Christian and Jew

    However, The scrolls are invalid, the text was changed and mixed by Jews and the Christians copied from them. For your soul, you should read the Quran and if you know God you should be able to feel his words and get the deeper meaning.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 07, 2007 at 04:43 PM

    Salam to you.[ meaning peace be on you]

    If you like what the Koran says then what stopping you to become a Muslim? In fact if you say " there is no God but God and Muhammad is God's messenger", then you become a muslim. This is as simple as that. You don't even need to change your name. May I ask you few questions, if I may:
    1] For last 1400 no one could change a single word in the Koran. Is there any Bible that is not changed? So if you prefer the Koran to Bible then be a Muslim.
    2] If you think both Bible and the Koran came from God then will you not follow the latest version of God's book? Does it make sense?
    3] 1400 years ago the science cited in the Koran still stands. Is it not amazing? So the book is devine, you must agree this.
    4] Mr Hart an american made Muhammad[sa] the best human being in the world in his book. So you will be proud to be trained by the greatest man on earth when you become a muslim.
    5] Can you find any thing in the Koran that you can not accept or anything that stands against humanity?
    6] God says --if you do good to others I'll put you in heaven. My promise is true [5.9]. Can you find any word like this in the Bible or in any other religious book? So why don't you follow the Koran?
    May God bless you a happy life. Ameen.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 14, 2007 at 05:59 PM

    good luck on that brother hank

    its good to know that your trying..when one is in any realtionship one has to try and enjoy what the other enjoys to understand them, we all know that its always give and take in any realtionship thats how you get the respect from your spouse, and the best thing of all is that when you actually try to understand... ppl around you respect you for that...because you know where your'e coming from, and your interested in their lives...that means a lot.

    again good luck brother
    tc ws
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 20, 2007 at 12:33 AM

    Thanks a lot pagaly and bagi9 for your answers. I understand your answers and I admit that they make a lot of sense to me.

    In order to get closer to Islam I have joined a Muslim forum here with weekly meetings as I realize that knowledge and understanding cannot solely be obtained by reading websites and articles. And I feel it's a very interesting path I have embarked on.

    I was met with the greatest kindness in the Muslim forum. The Imam presented me with different verses from al Qu'ran and asked me how I felt about them. Obviously, they were completely in line with what I already believe, so he smiled and said: "Hank, you're practically a Muslim". I considered that a very honourable thing to say and it really made me feel good.

    Thanks again!


  • View author's info Posted on Mar 18, 2007 at 01:32 AM

    salaam bulkjit1972,

    you know your negative thoughts on Islam and Muslim women is what the media likes to make the general public of the UK to assume, anyway I'm glad that your mindset has changed, but i have to agree with baqi on this most muslimah women wouldn't dare marry a non Muslim, neither would their parents and family members allow this, so no matter how you feel sincerely about Muslim women brother you have to change your self so that you can understand her as well as she can you.

    its good to have an intellectual conversation when someone knows where your coming from otherwise its hard to play brain dead. a lot of religious Muslim women are very intelligent and would prefer to debate a lot of issues with their partners. you have to know Islam before you commit yourself brother. good luck anyway
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 13, 2007 at 07:08 AM

    Na'm it does make sense Hank. The problem would still remain even if you were to go through the ritual of marriage that it would not be a marriage. No very religious muslimah would ever try to marry a non-Muslim simply because it is forbidden by Allah. Now if you were to revert you obviously could marry then. But the moment you leave Islam the marriage ends.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 12, 2007 at 02:42 PM

    This is a shortened version of what I posted at another forum:

    Why do I want a Muslim wife? No, let me re-phrase that. Why do I feel a deep LONGING for a Muslim wife ? and even a very religious Muslim wife?

    When I came here to Indonesia two years ago my mindset was different ? and I actually felt a bit scared and uncomfortable when being around women in scarves aka women showing their religion in such a visual way. I was cautious in the extreme not to do any thing that in any way could be perceived as inappropriate behaviour on my behalf. I didn?t see them as women ? I saw them as radical beings whose only and deep-rooted wish was to erradicate me and my immoral kind from the face of this earth? Needless to say, that has changed ? 180 degrees.

    Because what actually happened was that I met the warmest smiles from the kindest people (women as well as men) that showed a genuine happiness of having me among them. Not ONCE did I meet any antagonism or negativity. Not ONCE have I been met by any thing but sincerity ? and extraordinary kindness.

    So, to make a long story short and not to bore you with the different phases of my ?journey?, I have now reached another and very different mindset. I have ?fallen in love? with the Muslim people around me (at least the ones I know) and I feel blessed that the dear Lord has placed me here ? He certainly does work in mysterious ways, as we say ? especially if you consider my extrovert life style!

    And this is probably the reason ? the warmness among people who are not afraid to hold virtuousness and respect high and as some thing exclusive between husband and wife - because in the end this makes the relationship between wife and husband so much deeper and personal.

    Well, this is the stage I?m at right now ? I hope it makes a little sense :-)


  • View author's info Posted on Mar 12, 2007 at 08:37 AM

    It is obviously a controversial topic.

    I'm a non-muslim man, I live in a muslim country and i hope to marry a muslim woman. There are several reasons for that, but let me not get into those in this reply.

    I realize, however, that for me to marry a muslim woman both she and her family will have to have a pluralistic approach to religion. It also means that I must support her in a muslim upbringing of our children - absolutely 100% loyally.

    But I would actually consider this an honour - without sounding conceded here. And obviously, I have the deepest respect for Islam.

    To some this will make sense, to others it will not. So be it!


  • View author's info Posted on Feb 10, 2007 at 04:49 AM

    This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are Believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time, when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues. If any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

    Clearly Allah is saying that marriage to women of the book is permissible.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 15, 2007 at 04:30 PM

    Hello Arlette,

    For next life its very dangerous;

    Its almost like choosing between these two---choosing Hell Fire or Choosing Paradise:

    (may Allah forgive us all and give us guidance; aameen).

    Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe: a slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allure you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe. A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allure you. Unbelievers do beckon you to the Fire.

    But Allah Beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of Bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Sighs clear to mankind. That they may celebrate His praise.

    You can try to read Quran and find the truth by yourself Arlette,

    so no one have to push you for anything.

    the real guidance comes from the Top.
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 29, 2006 at 07:19 AM

    Your question truly has already been answered. If you are a muslimah you can not under any situation marry a non muslim man. This under the law of islam is not a is fornication(period). Why? Because Allah said that it is not permissible to marry your daughters to unbelivers. And an nabi SAWS said that it is not permissible to marry a believing woman to a non muslim. So in reality you as well as everyone else can do what ever you want, just know that when we stand before Allah we will have to answer for those actions that were haraam.
    To answer the other part of your question, you can't marry and then convert him. Also from the first part of your comment...the states are very big, so it is hard to believe that you can't find a husband. And the earth is huge, so there are many muslim men to choose from. The underlying messege in your response that I see is that your not able to find what you think a husband should be. Time to be frank sister so get ready(and this is for all of us). Our thoughts and desires of what a good spouse is or isn't needs to be thrown in the trash where they belong, unless they are in accordance with the Qur'an and Sunnah. This is the source of our understanding in all affairs. So if we can't find that "right" spouse, then we definitly should look in the mirror and see if we are living according to the Qur'an and Sunnah or by our desires. Remember that by living by our desires will get us a sure spot in the hellfire.
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 24, 2006 at 12:43 PM

    This is such a controversial topic. I feel that if you can find someone that loves you and can love him you should marry regardless of the religion. I'm 28 divorced with two's hard to find someone in my culture to accept me and my kids. So here is my question. What if you can't find a muslim man to marry....? Do I just sit here waiting until I'm 100yrs old or do I meet a non muslim man that would be willing to convert to islam. What are your thoughts on a woman marrying a non muslim and having him convert?
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 18, 2006 at 07:18 AM

    Ahki you shouldn't qoute ayaat without knowing their tafsir, or atleast use the ayaat in a proper way. Allah allows the marrying of the Jewish and Christian women (their the women of the book), their the exception. But even this has rules. She must be a virgin and believe and practice her religion, or be divorced and believe and practice her religion. In the west that is very rare indeed.
    The ulemaa suggest that we not marry these women and live in non-practicing Muslim countries, because these countries do not allow the men our rights. Nor is there a strong presence of the religion so that she would be more inclind to revert. Also since the state gives the women rights over men, the children may be brought-up as kufr.
    In this situation it sounds as though the brother is compromising his religion, or he is simply ignorant to his deen. No Muslim wouldn't want a kafr to revert, let alone his wife.
    That brings-up another topic, and that is what the ulemaa say about Muslims coming to daar kuf. This is not premisible unless the person knows his deen, is strong in his deen, the person is seeking medical aid, the person has the first to traits and is seeking education only to return with that knowledge to aid the Muslims, so on and so forth. I've never read where Muslims can come to daar kuf just because. Hijrah is still in effect for all Muslims. That means to the Muslim lands, not the lands of the kufaar.
    May Allah protect all of the Muslims and increase us in knowledge and strength, and bless us to be mindful of our speech and actions, and remember that He sees all that we do, ameen.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 17, 2006 at 07:04 PM

    Truepearl write:
    I am a muslim and I believe that a muslim woman can marry a christian/jew man as well as the man can marry a christian/jew woman. In the same time I don't think it is a good idea!! Why? because they don't share the holy feeling of the religious occasions which is very much important. And because the kids will be too young to choose their Way.
    In your case you're already married. if you wish to convert and be a good muslim thats fine. The understanding of Islam is important for you. You can help your family to understand it. Just let your actions speak.

    With respect.


    Al-Baqarah - 2:221
    And do not marry Al-Mushrik?t (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship All?h Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrik?n till they believe (in All?h Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrik?n) invite you to the Fire, but All?h invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ay?t (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember.

    What part of this do you not understand sister? A muslimah is not allowed to marry any man other than a muslim. Your thinking is wrong (period). There is no proof for your thoughts on this whatsoever. And your position is a very dangerous one, since in essence what your comment means is that you believe your thoughts are better than what Allah says is best.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 15, 2006 at 04:57 AM

    I am a muslim and I believe that a muslim woman can marry a christian/jew man as well as the man can marry a christian/jew woman. In the same time I don't think it is a good idea!! Why? because they don't share the holy feeling of the religious occasions which is very much important. And because the kids will be too young to choose their Way.
    In your case you're already married. if you wish to convert and be a good muslim thats fine. The understanding of Islam is important for you. You can help your family to understand it. Just let your actions speak.

    With respect.
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