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Some Advice Please? Major Confusion... :S
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Posted on Mon, Jan 24, 2011 15:48

Salaam Sisters...
I am a 20 year old girl living in the UK, was born here. Just to get straight to the point I am in a major sense of confusion and just want someone to help guide me or advise me :(.

So let me describe my situation, I go to university and inshallah want to progress my life career-wise (staying at home with parents), and have recently been getting quite a few marriage proposals...alot of which i complain and say im not ready..which is partially true - however the main reason behind this is im scared...

I've had 3 boyfriends, all of which i have been 'physical' with.
My first boyfriend was when i was 15 (following the crowd like a stupid idiot), we were together for 6months and I was stupidly naive and we ended up doing everything physical including the most obvious. now when i say that...it literally (without being too crude :S) went in and straight out. killed like hell. but THAT was the last time i ever did anything like that - that only happened once..broke it off after 2 months because i felt bad. (pppftt)

Now i thought i had grown up and seen sense - so when i was 18 i started dating my best friend at that time - quite serious...knew his family and vice versa (they thought we were best mates) we got physical to the point where 'hands' were involved - broke it off because he changed and totally messed up his life ...

Ok so now...since march2010 - oct 2010 ,(i was 19) i met this guy who i thought was amazing, gorgeous etc..really attracted to him...it took him 3 months to get me to date him... really kicked it off..nothing physical... i kinda promised myself i wouldnt...i told him about my past and i felt he accepted it.. i went to visit him at his university as a surprise in octobe 2010 after nearly 7 months together...we ended up in bed :( - now i mean everything BUT sex.. I broke it off because again i felt unworthy and dirty..


At this moment in time i feel so depressed this is eating away at me! All i ever wanted was ONE guy to love me! I am so scared that if i get a decent guy interested in me...he wouldnt accept me because of my past... i cant lie to my husband but its not like im gonna be like...oh hey did u know i did etcetc...


I feel like an idiot - i keep making the same mistakes over and over again...and if im being honest...when i think about my first boyfriend and whatever happened i get sscared because - in the most simplest terms - i am not a virgin due to that experience. but i feel because it didnt happen properly; just went in and then pulled it out...that I am !! I cry myself to sleep everyday because I try to be a decent girl!! I feel so dirty and used...i just want someone to help me out.. i dont reallly have anyone to talk to here because Ive never opened to anyone fully how i feel...


Please help?



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Posted on Sat, Jun 11, 2011 22:18

Salam
First of all, I want to send a great big hug to you :)
Listen you made your mistakes, and now you have to move on and forgive yourself. If Allah can forgive us, then by all means we have to forgive ourselves! No one has the right to judge you, including yourself! You sound like an amazing young woman, who is looking for love, in my opinion sex sort of complicates things. Soo it is best to keep it out of the equation. Stay Srong.



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