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Marrige with different cultures
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Posted on Sat, Oct 14, 2006 06:16

Asalamu alaikum, I have to agree with Baqi im afraid-Coronita just thank ur lucky stars that ur white and not black other wise there is no chance that a pakistani family will take you on, good muslimah or not. Unfortunately many muslim communities shun out black females (moreso than black males i find). I know of a few pakistani girls who have stood there ground and have married black muslim brothers despite what their families think and have gone on to raise good children who see no colour divide. Other muslim men (who aren't black) do not like black muslimahs, i find that they look down on them and don't think that they hold a hidden beauty or are intelligent... this i find comes from their families views. This is not Islam, and every time I think of this I remember Bilal (may Allah grant him blessings)and the racism he had to go through in the days of the Prophet Mohammed (as).... it's so disappointing....



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Posted on Fri, Oct 06, 2006 07:13

pagaly write:
salaam brother baqi..im sorry i dont agree with u....all cultures are against ppl who are dark in colour but the ppl who fear Allah SWT dont look at colour u cnt be against all ppl in all cultures

Re:





Yes your right sister. Anyway I hit the button too fast before ever reading what I wrote.
Not every African culture, since I've never been to all of them, nor do I know people from all of them. But the countries like eygpt, I know blacks who've gotten married there no problem (eventhough there is lots of racism there), Nigeria, Senegal, The Gambia, Morocco. There is one other country that this imam I know is from, I think it is Burkina Faso. No problem getting married there. The rest of the countries I can not vouch for.

Now if we're talking about muslim cultures, I can agree for the most part. But if we're talking worldwide, that really depends.



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Posted on Tue, Oct 03, 2006 03:58

Salaam to all. Sister PAgaly am so sorry to hear about your relationship issues. That is not good. The advice you have given sister Coronita is very good. One question i have to you sister Pagaly, is whether you wear hijab/salwar. If you do, should sister Coronita consider this if she marries a Pakistan brother? Your experience on this would be enlightening to many new sisters.



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Posted on Sun, Sep 24, 2006 05:09

salaam sister German 2006, well welcome here..2b honest its how u are with Ur partner..if hes good n understanding then that's all u need as for his family.learn how to cook the way they do n try to speak the language as well learn about the culture..i really dont think that its hard to fit into any culture so long as Ur partner loves u n understands u that's wot matters most of all.

as for religion..only adopt any religion when u are good and ready..other wise u may end up hating it..when n if u have a belief then adopt it. the only right way to adopt Islam is to actually be tought it from Islamic schools..there are also correspondence courses as well

as for Ur future well if u was married to some German guy then the question would've been the same...no one can look into the future sis...it all depends on sacrifice n understanding between both of u..u both have to make small sacrifices n the bond between u has to be strong.

i hope that is a little clear to u
Tc n ws



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Posted on Fri, Sep 22, 2006 09:21

As Salam alaikum and Hi to all,i found these website today...and i have some questions about relationship between german and pakistani.could this be a good relationship and what about after marriage if he is a muslim but i am not?could be this relation for the whole life?how is the family thinking?i hope someone can give me answers. i am living in germany and i am glad about all answers. allah hafiz and bye



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Posted on Thu, Sep 21, 2006 21:42

asallamoalikum,as long how Pakistani families react they r much welcoming & caring in general,much more hospitable then what u seen or grow up with in west alhamdulillah,now if culture is concern culture influence more then Islam,so if both of u r really agree on quran & sunnah then u don't need to worry about anything cuz male also dominant in Pakistani society since women prefer to stay home & not out much in the competition with other men,but if u notice & find that man decision is dominantly influence by culture & not by quran u better step back & say istikara pray help from Allah b4 u make decision sis,may Allah solve all our problem,help us in deen & keep us on right path insh'Allah Fe Amman Allah



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Posted on Fri, Sep 15, 2006 18:13

thanks suriya..but probablem is sis ..its easy to say what u are saying..unfortunatley my dad died 6mths after my nikkah so i was emotionally blackmailed..when ur in that state u dont think but just be a door mat..nice to know that ur sisters dont endure that crap..just wanted to know if their husbands are from here or back home..how far are they educated?..and how come ur not married either...does ur parents pressurize u to get married?
tc ws hope to hear from u soon



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Posted on Thu, Sep 14, 2006 05:38

You seem to keep your spirits up quite well. Hope you get the best alternative to your current situation and just writing to let you know, I'm glad my sisters don't accept crap hands down.



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Posted on Mon, Sep 04, 2006 06:39

THANKS SAME TO U AS WELL...WISH NO ONE GOES THROUGH WHAT IAM GOING THROUGH.

TC WS



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Posted on Sat, Sep 02, 2006 00:08

salam sister,
i found the whole late thing funny and that. ur little comments.. but im sorry about your marriage that is not of course. may allah bless you and that things will change for you for the best, and keep you strong and your children as well. :-) amen



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Posted on Thu, Aug 31, 2006 06:04

salaam sister corinitaa..well I'm glad u find it funny...it would be for a while until u get fed up...as for me i used to go back every 2yrs...but then i got fed up coz they kept on demanding things from me...they never gave anything to me n my kidz..so the last time i went back was 2 1/2 yrs ago...it was an OK experience but to be honest my marriage is failing n very soon i will be separated from my husband...i have given him everything but never received anything back..i support the kidz n pay the bills yet what ever he earns goes back to his family.

theres a tolerance level for everyone n mines is up...i can if i want to stay with him n stick it out but to be honest I'm a realist n i cant do that..i have to think about my children's future that's why I'm a 2nd year law student hopefully with Allah's will i will succeed n i will give my children the life that they deserve...i know that i cant give that by living with him



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Posted on Wed, Aug 30, 2006 13:38

salam pagaly,

Lol.. alot of tips! i must admit. but thank you they are helpful. i wont be getting married for a couple years still but the advice is good for when u meet family! :-) fruit and..flowerS?..and pakistani sweets..gotch ya. hehe. so where do u live then exactly? you go to pakistan evry now and then and mostly in the UK? what is pakistan like? and do you wear hijab, and around his family 2?

coronita.
:-) allah hafiz



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Posted on Wed, Aug 30, 2006 01:30

salaam brother baqi..im sorry i dont agree with u....all cultures are against ppl who are dark in colour but the ppl who fear Allah SWT dont look at colour u cnt be against all ppl in all cultures



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Posted on Tue, Aug 29, 2006 05:59

As salaamu alaikum, I have to concur with what was already said. The only difference is that I'm a blackman. When I bring up the topic a nasty attitude fills the room. I must admit that all cultures act like this towards blackman except African cultures.



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Posted on Tue, Aug 29, 2006 03:27

to know u coz Ur white..lol..when u go to weddings or birthdays ppl always come about an hour or more late..its a custom..when u are invited for dinner always take some Pakistani sweets with u coz its being polite u can flowers as well if u want..as for his sisters when u go there n are invited for dinner take lots of fruit as well that's coz there is no difference between Ur sister n Ur children u have to give both away so the bond there is very strong.. it would be nice for u to show that u are the eldest/youngest sister in law n understand the meaning of their relationship..so take along fruit even if he says no demand it..it would put u in good light.

as for the brothers well keep Ur distance u can joke along but dont be too friendly.. always be by Ur brothers side coz things can be taken the wrong way around..also be good to Ur mother in law n her hubby whether u like them or not their still Ur elders dont shake hands with any men always just say salaam lay kum..lol be live me its worth remembering this.. when u go out always make sure that Ur head is covered coz u will be fol owed by all tom dick n harry when Ur with Ur hubby its different..depending on where u live dont wear western clothing..I'm sure u can get shalwaar khameez from where u live..otherwise u can get them ready made..if u want advise on the style them do let me know i can advise u on that as well...so want to be in fashion n understand it as well..make sure u have a chadaar on at all times when Ur in Ur in laws home..like i said don't trust anyone...until u know them its easy for u to think well his side of the family isn't like that but sister Ur wrong..Ur not Asian n even if u were Ur still a westerner...its like me when i go back home then I'm British..when I'm here I'm a Pakistani..Ur looked at with the same eyes..especially if Ur fair skinned..so be careful when Ur covering up..there is more i can go on about but I'm wondering if u can digest it all..lol

anyway take care
ws



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Posted on Tue, Aug 29, 2006 03:10

salaam sister corinitaa, yes i have read Ur comment...first of all i really dont know much about Ur hubby's side of the family?..where is he from is he educated wot about his family..is he Sunni or shia..tell me a little about hes family back home..what u know of them n then i can guide u..as for me the first thing i noticed when i got of the plane was how hot it was...but when i got out to the entrance of the airport i was shocked to see how the taxi guys hassle u..they snatch Ur bags n tell u to get in their car..harmless really but i was really scared considering that i was Ur age when i went..lol..anyway the life style is completely different i mean here every one judges u..u have to have a 9/5 job otherwise Ur looked down upon...up there its completely different everyone is all open arms n very friendly..ppl use to think that I'm white n wanted to come up n chat to me..its like Ur something out of the blue n everyone wants to know u..but there's a back fall..if u be friendly to someone there like u are here then they assume that u like them in that way so u have to be careful...ppl do use u so dont go off with out Ur hubby by Ur side..dont trust anyone.. i know it sounds stupid but its true my in laws are not nice ppl and i have experienced it the hard way...keep Ur cash n dont flash it around buy what u need for urself n Ur family..its OK to take presents from here but when u go back u dont need to give again at the same time dont take too much from here either coz when u do they demand the same stuff again either expecting u to send it or bring with u again so go for the cheap stuff here..lol..at the same time be polite...dont go over until u know some of the language that's coz then u will understand how much money hes parents are demanding from him including his bros n sis...dont feel sorry for anyone straight away coz ppl are not what they seem..its harsh but its the ugly truth..all in all its gr8 out there..u have an advantage coz Ur white..lol n ppl will want



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Posted on Mon, Aug 28, 2006 21:35

salam,
i posted a comment on your profile just now and did not see this comment here... Lol ah well. well, i believe in islam very much and its ways.. i converted just a little while ago but i have been reading and learning more.. i am glad about my decision. i did not do it for the sake of marriage, altho the person i intend on is muslim and i did not know much of the religion until i met him. i will say yes he played a part, but it was my decision and it wasnt something i had to do... and cooking. yah! i agree that it will definitly help me out.hehe. i do love the food though.. butter chicken? chili chicken.. nan.. haha, iduno how to properly spell it, but i know it tastes good.yummy.. now im hungry..ahh
anyhow, reply bak to my comment and i want to hear more about ur experiences and maybe some more tips!! :-)
allah bless you.
coronita.



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Posted on Mon, Aug 28, 2006 10:02

salaam sister corinitaa..well i think that they would accept u very well my nephews are married to white woman n the ppl back home just loved them...however on personal levels i think that u should wait b4 making a descision as big as MARRIAGE...its a hell of a responsability to get involved in n everything isn't hunky dory...i think that u should study the relgioun first n then think about jumping in the boat...one should convert to any religioun coz of themselves not because of their spouse at the same time because ur culture is different try getting urself involved in the asian community maybe u would get to understand their way of life...try pakistani cooking classes!!!...it would help getting on with the mother in law!!!!!...lol...but on reality dear i really think that u should do ur home work on the religioun because thats where the shock will come...different cultures are fun coz we learn new things all the time...im from uk n my husband is from pakistan i had a massive culture shock not only religious wise but also culture wise my inlaws are more white than brown!!!!AHHHHH!!!!!



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Posted on Thu, Aug 24, 2006 22:01

salam,
thank you for stating your opinion and giving me hope for happiness! its something thats going to happen in the future regardless so im just trying to get views and thinking of ways in which it will be more acceptable.. he says if i knew urdu it wudnt even be a problem, altho im white i would be muslim and i could speak urdu. his mother does not speak much english.. somehow i see this as a huge advantage but on the other, wud it really make a difference? i still think it would be different bcuz i am white... ?opinions any1?
coronita-
anddd, ...she bettr accept me if i learn a whole language for her!!!) LOL. joke. but it would be better . he has a huge family and they all speak urdu together, so at least i wouldnt be left out! and i like indian music and some of the clothing 2. :-)



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Posted on Sat, Aug 12, 2006 07:03

Very tradditional Pakistani families would be rather... unsupportive. I'm sorry to say, but they really are. The generation of children brought up now, who are more open minded then elders, would not care about traditions or what cultures say. I think it would be a culture shock for you to step into, but if you were a pakistani girl wanting to marry into another culture, it is near impossible due to standards of people. It's a little hard to explain, but hope it makes sense!

If you think this guy is really worth it, then go for it, I wish you nothing but happiness in the future and Inshallah all will settle - Allah knows best in all. x