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In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Praise be to Allah. May the peace and blessings of Allah shower upon our Beloved Messenger, his family, companions, and those who follow them.
It is absolutely a distortion of Islam to say that wife beating is endorsed in Islam.
Not only is wife beating not endorsed, it is strictly prohibited. Beating someone, whether a husband, wife, or child is unlawful. Beating someone is a form of abuse and Islam does not allow abuse.
The issue of disciplining the wife comes from verse 34 of Surat al-Nisa. Yusuf Ali translates this verse as follows, "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what God would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For God is Most High, great (above you all). Pickthall's translation is, " Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High."
As you can see, one translator chose the word "beat," while the other chose the word "scourge." The Arabic word is "wadribouhounna," from the root word "darb." Linguistically, "darb" has many meanings, some of which include to hit or strike lightly. The English translations may be misleading in some cases and that is why it is important to go to the Arabic sources and see how the scholars have interpreted this verse.
I have found that the majority of scholars have interpreted this as permission for men to discipline their wives who have become "nashiz," which means rebellious, or recalcitrant. This permission is not a general permission to discipline the wife whenever the husband feels like it, but rather is meant for women who act out in very specific circumstances and threaten the harmony of the marriage. Furthermore, it is a permission granted by Allah to men. It is not a right or privilege. Scholars have also placed limits on what form this discipline takes. The husband is only allowed to use his hand or the equivalent of a miswak, a tooth-stick. Furthermore, he may not strike in anger, beat, bruise, or harm his wife. Rather, he gives her a symbolical tap with this very light object. He may not strike her face or any other delicate part of the body. And once again, this is permission, meaning he does not have to do this, but is merely allowed if circumstances warrant.
Before he disciplines his wife, he is required to take other measures. Note how the Qur'an commands men to first talk to their wives and persuade them with kind, wise words. Then if that fails, he is allowed to forsake marital intimacy, that is, sexual intercourse, as a way to make the wife understand the seriousness of her actions. Finally, he is allowed to physically discipline her, but only within the above-mentioned limits. Scholars also say that if he knows that physical discipline will not achieve anything, he should not pursue it. And scholars also caution men to look at the example of the Prophet, peace be upon him. It is a well known fact that the Best of all Creation, upon whom be peace, never hit his wives.
This permission for a man to discipline his wife is something which men should not take lightly. If this discipline results in any physical or emotional harm to the wife, it is unlawful for the husband to continue. Both husband and wife should be able to sit down and discuss the problem as adults.
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