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Marrige with different cultures
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Posted on Fri, Jul 28, 2006 13:41

Hi.. lets just say you have a pakistani family and then you have someone like me.. I am white/latina. If i wanted to marry a pakistani guy,. how would his family react toward that? If both him and I were Muslim though, would it make a big difference? or do you think culture plays a huge role in this as well? How do pakistani families feel/react towards other races do you think?
just curious.
god bless.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 27, 2013 06:30

Dear sis, I am Pakistani and I am Pukhtoon who are considered regid and conservative but my parents are happy for what I want to marry someone here in Stockholm and they have fully granted me permission whomever I want to marry. but its depend on the person you are looking to marry to, may be his family already chosen someone for him, I mean depends on situation and family to family.
Wish you a happy life and may Allah helps you find to cool of your eyes.



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Posted on Thu, May 17, 2012 08:32

Salaams to all the word (black) denotes the people of jahenum out of respect African brown sink dark skin light skin I am African American and even tho I see darker people than my self I don't call them (black) its an insult and the color (black) refers to jaheenum now with seeking marriage of other nationalitys may be a little bit difficult like the brother was saying about Pakistani people their love loyalty and how they are with each other and the men I believe it's not the color so much it's the values and the up bringing inshaAllah ask Allah for what you need not what you want regardless of color a Muslim is Muslim that's how Allah sees us all not our color or where we come from we are all created from the back of our father Adam (as) so this life is a test and we should look for piousness and good acts when looking for a husband/ wife not color ! Color isn't going to get anyone close to ALLAH or His Rasul (SAW) and not in jennah



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Posted on Sun, Nov 11, 2007 10:26

I dont think it should be a great problem. Obviously there are going to the few who think its a bad idea, but most pakistani families would be alrite about the idea. I can say this from experience, my fathers married a English woman and their marraige has been fully accepted.
Its difficult but not impossible



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Posted on Sun, Apr 29, 2007 19:04

daughter is so strong in her wil that im really proud of her..

another story is of a sister who is a solictor..she was representing her client in court... she was wearing the full hijaab with a nikaab
the racist judge asked her to remove her veil because he said that he couldnt understand her..she refused it came in the papers and was a big issue in discussion...some ppl wanted to make it illegal for wearing nikaabs.. another story was about a sister who went to an interview wearing a hijaab..she went for a primary school teachers job..anyway she got the job next day she came in wearing her nikaab..she was asked to remove it but she didnt..therefore she was sacked..there was an uproar her..ppl tink that it was good that she was sacked..being a law student myself i definatly know that it was a case of direct discrmintaion..anyway to cut the story short i was taliking about it to one of my arabic class collleges who was in the police force...she thought that the sister was setting double standards..i thought wahhh..i said to her when one goes in to the interview or even applies for a job then ther is a job description..when there was no dress description how was she setting double standards?????..obviously the other women didnt know what to say... i also said to her that when one goes into a interview or fill in forms then there is that info which says that ppl of all ethinic orgins will not be discrminated by..so then how come this is setting double standards...the women didnt reply...just goes to show that we as a community have to educated ourself's b4 one goes on to tell other ppl how to live their lives.



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Posted on Sun, Apr 29, 2007 18:53

salaam brother straycanon..
yes i agree with you when u say its ones menatality..but honestly brother look back n read what you have written maybe you will figure out why i said what.

as for you asking me how much knowledge i have about islam ..brother its a long story i wish i had ur email then i would tell you the reasons behind my knowledge coz i dont really want to display all my personell probelms on the net..
yes i agree with you when you talk about how western universities portray islam in a bad light..but its not all like that bro..here in london there are gr8 unis..if only u could see how so many muslim scholars have strived to portray the true islam..but most muslims dont wanna know..not coz of the media but coz of their own ignorance..4 eg..my daughter goes to a mixed school..i put her in there because i personally feel that by going to a mixed school she would come in to contact with the real world..most westerners judge a book by its cover...i asked my daughter to wear her hijaab n she did..she got alot of slack from the female teachers and the boys there.....but she doesnt care..she says that im not gonna take off my hijaaab for them mom..they either like it or lump it..she is the first muslim girl who is in this school which is one of the top tenth goverment schools in england..my friends daughter is going to start the same school..but she refuses to let her daughter wear a hijaab..personally i feel that its going to cause a lot of problems..the girls do P.E seperate from the boys but when they are in the fields they have to walk past the boys in thier itsy bitsy P.E skirts..my daughter wears a jogging bottom on...i made sure that no stone was over turned...but my friends daugter is going to have a lot of problems...i really dont know what to say about ppl like that.

i mean its a mother who makes sure that her daughter is covered from luring eyes..but i really dont know why this mother refuses point blank in her daughter wearing a hijaab. my



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Posted on Sun, Apr 29, 2007 15:13

all these universities have a syllabus and faculty which will only make you a critic of islam and misinterpret islam ,and in reality one can always feel their biased concepts. Infact islam is the only religion left surviving in its true shape with every authentic refrence present before us .All what they are trying to do is to give the rest of the world a very wrong picture of islam , There are so many lies and delibrate wrong statements of their professors and media that you cant imagine trying to put down some very dirty rubbish baseless allegations even i cant state them anyhow its a very long topic.I wonder how much well litreate are you in this manner.But one has to come to pakistan or india to learn the true teachings of islam according to the HANFI school of thought in FIQAH/islamic jurispudence. Here we also learn all the four school of thoughts of fiqh and get to know the false sects spreading the wrong picture of islam . Definatly Madrassahs are the only place in the universe where you can come across enlightment and once again i must tell you one has to find a proper institiution in this regard because there are touts everywhere.you have got a very nice big one in Lester.Whereas i am fond of litreature since childhood Robert louis stevenson i like him most in poetry but after learning arabic and persian you just forget about other languages none is so rich in poetry and prose as these two ancient languages .
c u later



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Posted on Sun, Apr 29, 2007 14:46

salams dear sis, you are at full liberty to classify me as being respectful or disrespectful.its upto your own conscience and mentality. May Allah the almighty grant us the true vision.
We are all travelling in a very fast lane and soon everyone will make an exit when his turn comes. You mentioned an incident and brought down your opinion but maam you already know life in all aprts of the world is not similar and unique ,different cultures ,different backgrounds , litreacy rate, resources, political instabilities , age limit , food and health sources , environmental conditions and.... etc all differ somehow .
Some people struggle for their existence,some for their desires,some fighting for freedom ,some fighting for aggression, some eat three meals a day conscious for their calculated amount of calories and some just live on half a piece of bread,some even cant get pure water to drink (like 70% pakistanis).In psycholgy we say different case studies. anyhow the ground realities are different everywhere.some people get attracted towards some issues important according to their knowledge and some think about the other misries and some dont care to bother and carry on with their lives.all different set of minds.
We all must thank Allah the Almighty ,despite our disobedience he always grants us favours and oppurtunities of all kind and always do the best for us in terms of this life and life hereafter.
as far as you mentioned about me leaving my carreer and returning home its a story spanning a decade , summing up briefly the oppurtunities i have here to serve Allah the almighty and the whole humanity its best to start from here considering all aspects of life.and again its my thinking and i dont thrust it on others neither want to quarrel about it.
To learn islam and all the true litreature you have to come back towards the east because NO WESTERN UNIVERSITY can give you the actual picture of islam ,trust me i have been through it McGILL , YALE , CAMBRIDGE



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Posted on Wed, Apr 25, 2007 17:40

slm stray canon,

you know what either you think that im so bloody stupid that im gonna think that your giving me respect...you can be so disrespectful in a subtle way..as for me being elder...so u keep on saying..well let me tell you one think young man...a lot of guys when they want to bring a women down they feel that if they keep on one issue then the woman might back down..you keep on calling me eldest sister..subtly...well young man i have no probs with that theres a lot of other guys who can say the same...it really doesnt matter i have no reason to hide my age..as for you going on about what the 'britishers' did to india a midst the negotiations of the partions..i can go on a say a lot more...but i feel i need not.

yes i agree with you when you say that pakistan will change but it would be the pakistanis abroad that would do that..hmmm...i dont know but its true to some extent.

yes i take my hat of to you for leaving a great job and coming back to your country..with the intention to change it..but dont you think that you would've done a better job by staying there and earning a lot of money then doing something in pakistan???..

having said that im not a emotinal wreck as you seem to perceive all that stuff about my bum of a ex husband..honestly what moves me is not the shit that i had to endure but what so many innocent children and women go through in the name of honor..a lot of other things besides that...its quiet upsetting to see so many ppl suffering when they really shouldn't in this day n age..do u remeber the javed iqbal case?????..ppl really didnt care...there shouldve been Marches and petitions to bring out new laws to protect children..but ppl are so into their own lives that they forget whats happening around them.

you state various interests n of them being islamic jusripudence?..r u educated in this field??? did u do that in pakistan or in canada?..

as for my name..pagaly,long story to that but yours is worse..loose cannon



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Posted on Wed, Apr 25, 2007 05:44

contd 3:we will always be identified and remmebered as PAKISTANI and our children will be called PAKISTANI.once in glasgow a scot addressed me with hatred and said 'hey paki' i replied y a sure but not filthy stinky and dirty like u pomies .They hate us they are racist even allah the mighty warned us from them.time is short and art is long i havent completed . i wanted to update you about not only christians but all the minorities residing in pakistan,some realities you may never heard of.but some other time.Bottom line we are pakistani where ever we are and we are the only ones to reverse the condition.You might cant imagine coming back and settling down here but you can make a great difference there teaching true muslim heritage.you can help the nation with plenty of ways financialy and physicaly and your profesion of law can help alot.Every optimistic approach will be highly appreciated and most welcome


HEAL THE WORLD MAKE IT BETTER PLACE FOR YOU AND FOR ME N THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE
-m.jackson . oh he is a homo ...oh my god why did i wrote it my sis is gonna kick hell out of me being a paki.


PLEASE FORGIVE ME I CAAANT STAAAP LEG PULLIN YAAA-brayn adams.



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Posted on Wed, Apr 25, 2007 05:11

contd 2nd page.:dear maam you are damn right on the target paki system is one of the most corrupted one.Just take a glance at the reasons.Lord Mountbatten and Sir Redcliffe played hovac by giving the muslim dominant areas to india which led to a massacre of atleast 250,000 muslims alongwith the false accession of kashmir with india.No allocation of the promised materials and weapons for the existence of the state.Compelled to fight a war with india in 48.The rule remained in the hands of british backed nawabs and choudries and malaks and khans and rajas who had sweared loyalties to the crown and their forefathers were traitors to the muslim war of independence1857.They plundered with the state treasury breaking back of the poor taxpayer ,the mischevious military,butcher beaurucracy and worthless diplomats.All dancing on the tune of USA and EU.dragged to war thrice by them.and most of all THE INDIAN&WESTERN MEDIA which broke the
back of my generation.Due to indian dramas the divorce rate has shot up high.Vulgar fashions and grab money to please wives and showoff ,by everyway beg borrow or steal.by hook or by crook.the scenario is getting worse everyday so are religious misconceptions and ridiculas extremism mullahs and madrassahs bought by money
So as the britishers and indians charted the plans for pakistan to crash within 50 years of its creation.AND WHAT LEFT PLUNDERED BY THE AFGAHNIS.No jobs left ,plagued education system frustration among the youth,treachery fraud,foreign powers destabilizing economy,laying embargos and a hell of other ways trying to push pakistani nation towards disaster.I left my career job in canada and came back to serve the nation,studied for another couple of years,set up a NGO,took up teaching profession.I myself suffered alot and had to give sacrifice but i still wanna build my nation.I believe the pakistanis abroad are the ones who will bring a change.They will extinguish the fire.There is no litreate leadership here.no accountability



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Posted on Wed, Apr 25, 2007 03:26

BANG BAAANG MY SIS TER SHOT ME DOWN DOWN DOWN...........

SALAMS MISS .........(for gods sake take an appropiate name and get rid of this word "pagaly" i wonder whats so special about it,dont tell me its in urdu).Anyhow hands up: unconditional surrender.my dear elder sister pardon me for the misunderstanding between us considering me as your "chota naughty little bhai". You might be knowing that in our culture the sisters spoil and pamper little brothers.Pakistani/Indian mothers,wives,sisters,daughters one cannot find anyone like them in the whole universe. Their love,devotion, loyalty, service: to the whole family, nothing like it on the planet.(exceptions are everywhere).you must have heard the famous folk song "MAAA AY NI MEIN KINOO AKHAN" it depicts all about a mother's love and sacrifice it makes you cry remmembring your mother.coming back ,infact what happened was that scrolling through the forum when i reached this topic and read 1 2 3 scores from you hitting hard pakistani males thumping them to be passport seekers and having pre-maritial sex ,that just blew me how could a person who might have just spent a brief time here, can put such allegations ,coming across handful of paki males here and there ,i thought some motivation is needed here but it rather sounded harsh and sarcastic , i admit.After your counter attack the naughty boy in me thought to counter your allegations with proper facts and figures with an equal blow but then the cute little fairy angel in me scolded me that its against etiquettes and manners of a gentleman towards an elderly lady.And then when i studied plenty of your postings i realised a bit what kind of a situation,you are passing through.So your reaction towards the sight of pakistani lads is natural and quite understood. Its human psychology,it is a favourite subject of mine along with islamic law and jurispudence,theology, logic and history with 14 other subjects including linguistics(persian and arabic)litreature and poetry.



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Posted on Tue, Apr 24, 2007 17:51

part 2 to straycanon,

as i was saying plz correct yourself..youy got yourself in a twist for nothing..pakistan as a nation is great i can go on coz i too am a pakistani, but when it comes to the typical traditions of marriage and culture with in marriage then thats different coz i think that you can go anywhere in the world and still adhere to te same traditions and cultures that you have been brought with.

as for your comment on you coming here and having met civil servants and ppl serving in the army..well thats typically pakistani talking..about ppl who you consider to be high up...here, n then you go on to insult the teenagers in this country and the typical britishers?????..come on man..i really dont think that you know what you are talking about...grow up..i commented on a question posed and you got your knickers in a twist on assuming that i was disrepecting your country..hmmm...you dont know me..n im certanly not what u assume me to be..read that comment again n then comment



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Posted on Tue, Apr 24, 2007 17:41

slm straycanon,

well i wasnt mis guiding any one but only speaking from experiance..yes i do agree with you whan you say that there are all types of people everywhere, unfortunatley not all of us experiance those people, and im definatley not the type to judge a book by its cover...yes i agree that i have had the misfortune to be in companies that are not great but that doesnt mean that everyone is like that nad nor did i say that..so it would be appreciated if you corrected yourself..as for the violent crimes that you so fondly commented on..i would like to educate you on this manner..in the west nearly all crimes are reported..b4 people never use to report crimes but as society is changing so are views..eg..a good 20yrs ago rape within marraige was seen to be normal..but in this day and age it isnt..
as for the criminal crime rate in pakistan..do u want me to state that ????no i dont think so..we only have to look at cases like mukhtara mai to just get an idea.

as for me being a typical britsher..or shall i say ungrez..young man you are so very wrong about me..pakistan is one of the most beautiful conutries in the world.. pakistani ppl liveing in the uk are backward compared to our counter parts living in pakistan...agreed with the fact that all 5 fingers are not the same..i can go on with great issues in pakistan but i was just commenting on the culture in pakistan..u know as well as i do how most christans r treated there..and im talking about inhumane treatment..im talking about getting jobs most of them are road sweepers or lavatory cleaners..im not gonna say about mulisms who themselves go out to get a job and have to end up paying bribes just to get a job,,its the whole system young man..thats whats so corrupt..most pakistani guys who have come here are here for one thing only n thats to get the passport..there are the minority who are sincere..but again that happens in all cultures..here we were talking about pakistani men not pakistan..plz correct



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Posted on Sat, Apr 21, 2007 01:34

i am astonished, how falsly Ms pagaly has portrayed the pakistani people.madam you are quite mistaken.Like typical english you seem to be quite biased.A person is known by the company he keeps , i wonder with what sort of company you came here and what for.I have been to UK plenty of times and plenty of my relatives reside there and met quite englishmen who served in our forces and civil dept. and are doing buisness ,frequently travel here n there . they always praised pakistani people for their outstanding hospitality love kindness and care.they are always eager to help and make others comfortable and their conduct and behaviour with foreigners especially with the britishers has always been excellent. I just want you to look at your own community.just look at your teens just look at the drug rise(recently found to be the highest in europe)look at the rate of voilence, adultry,rapes,racism,vulgarity,divorce rate ,mental problems, and hell of a things to say but we know that there are all sort of peoples everywhwere as the fingers of same hand same person are not equal.Good and bad are everywhere take the good and leave the rest.We are humans not angels. i think you will realise your mistake and please dont try to misguide people about pakistan . i hope you understand



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Posted on Sat, Apr 14, 2007 17:41

salaam sister dana,

well first of all i dont know how you and your husband was married....then again ppl should not judge you it should be your husband because he was a muslim not you therefore it should be him who should know what is halal and haram not you...as for the iman saying that you was not a good christan..sister let me tell you something i didnt know until i was about 5 yrs in my marriage...

the christan's in pakistan are what you can call true christans...they follow the bible like the word of god..like muslims they are not involved in pre martial sex..[im not saying that all of them are like this but most of them are]..unfortunatley most of them dont like most of the muslim pakistanis because they are treated badly..they are not in good jobs and are discriminated when it comes to jobs..dont know about marriage but most of them are either road swepeers or toilet cleaners..but i never had a problem with them.

they are good ppl very strict...as for theppl telling you what is good and what is not..sister this is normal...i think that regardless of caste colour and creed any parent would be angry in one way or another whentheir son brings home a girl of different traditions and religioun..so dont worry about that..their only thinking about their future grandchildren thats all.

how ever i would advise you not to befriend any male regarless of how they are realated to you, because ppl would take you as being cheap...they think that you are interested in them so they go about boasting to ppl that they are involved with a western girl..belive me its happend to me n i know how they think..steer clear of them just say salaam and hello, n only talk to them in your husbands presence other wise dont you will be labeled sister so be warned.



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Posted on Fri, Apr 13, 2007 02:32

hola,soy pakistani y yo casar latina colombiana lozdos vivir japon 5 anio y vivir rico lavida es que cultura totalmente difirente y muchas problemas pero aprender cultura y mi flia no problema con ella y vivir tranqilo



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Posted on Thu, Apr 12, 2007 10:49

thank you for your advice sister Pagaly,
as you are pakistani...can you tell me more about tradition in Pk..
I was staying 1 month in Pk with my husband family...
They are nice people and they were treating me very kindly,but some of them they didnt agree with our marriage..Mother and Father they did but his elder brother didnt.
That is not prb anyway...
For marry my husband imam asked me to change my religion...he said that im not good christian(without knowing me)if not i can not marry him..
How some1 can judge people???Does not God the one who can do that???
The things i saw and heard there shocked me...I staied wwith open mouth and eyes about things...life...etc.
I met many ladies(they asked for meeting me)...They told me many stories about their life and husband's treatings...
i did liked some and disliked many but i know that there tradition is different...I know its fact..
But all that doesnt make me to stop learning about Pk tradition..
I want to ask you many things and i hope you will help me with that but that in othr time will be with your agree
thanks alot sister
May God bless you



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Posted on Tue, Apr 03, 2007 18:02

salaam sister dana,

it doesnt matter what nationality a man is...if he doesnt want to be with u then he wont..have u ever heard of the saying that u can lead a horse to water cant make it drink...that means that you can try to change the man as hard as you can but u can assume that he will change just to please you.

try and get his family to speak to him, and ask what the matter is..sometimes getting the elders make a huge difference...im a pakistani and i know that in paistani cultures the elders get involved when something like this happens to avoid divorce.

but Allah forbid if the worse get the local imam involved...thats the muslim priest.

how ever if its ok to discuss where do u think that ur marriage started to go down the hill?



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Posted on Fri, Mar 30, 2007 11:53

salaam and hi to all of you.my name is dana and im from bulgaria.i married to pk man...we met on net and our relation ship was too long befor getting marriage,but what im finding out...he changing too much and its like running away from me.be carefull when you decidiing to marry to some1 who you met on net but never met before...that can make a big prb with you.
all i can say is...his family were treating me so nice.they were so caring and i appreciate for that,but i want to know more about pk tradition and men'ss treatings.i never though that our reeeeelationsship can over that fast...we were loving eachother for more than 4 years and finily when we got married...:( i need your help plz
many times i tried to talk to him about that but its fact nothing changed with it..i feel like its getting more bad
may god bless you people



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