it seems that muslim men dont respect their wives or treat them as equals- is this true? I am not muslim - just want to learn about it. I personnally dont believe in having more than one wife.And if men can have more than one wife- can wives have more than one husband??? what is good for the goose is good for the gander-right? or no and why? what would be the difference and if taking more than one spouse- why bother taking one at all???
I agree with you. How would the first wife feel about it? I can't imagine that one day my husband comes to me and says, I want to marry again. That would kill me. However, I wouldn't mind if he does in case I can't give him any children or can't fulfill my duties as a wife.
hey my wifes a catholic,,ive never had any complaints , all of the above naa'amin ? Alhumdulelah ill carry her on my shoulders ,thru a path infested with snakes an scopians, dont say that muslim men treat ther wives badley,you just havnt had the opportunity to meet a MAN I mean REAL MAN like me ?? Just because hes a muslim man or female ,doesnt mean he/she free from being naughty,,sometimes its a culture thing,but at the end of the day its the individual himself/herself
Although I'm muslim and agreed with Marinna.there were many reasons of having wives but now a days if man can afford financially more than one wife I think its right...but the question is what the emotions of first wife?
I'm strongly in favour of polygyny, and, given that I'm a mutafaqqih, I am fully behind you on the issue that the Deen is not based on opinions but on knowledge from proofs.
Having said that, I am curious to know the following:
1) when you married the second wife, was there communication between the two of them?;
2) in all sincerity, given that you discovered the more recent spouse not to be religious enough, would you not say that you had a tendency at the time of concluding the union to overlook that fact and hurry your assessment of her suitability because of her propensity to accept you in spite of your marital status disqualifying you in the eyes of most Muslim women nowadays?
3. Biologically, it is easier for a man to perform his duties as a husband despite having several wives. A woman, in a similar position, having several husbands, will not find it possible to perform her duties as a wife. A woman undergoes several psychological and behavioral changes due to different phases of the menstrual cycle.
4. A woman who has more than one husband will have several sexual partners at the same time and has a high chance of acquiring venereal or sexually transmitted diseases which can also be transmitted back to her husband even if all of them have no extra-marital sex. This is not the case in a man having more than one wife, and none of them having extra-marital sex. The above reasons are those that one can easily identify. There are probably many more reasons why Allah, in His Infinite Wisdom, has prohibited polyandry.
Jazak Allah ,
And one thing this is not the reply for the brothers discussion.
Rather what i observe from the topic.
If a man is allowed to have more than one wife, then why does Islam prohibit a
woman from having more than one husband?
A lot of people, including some Muslims, question the logic of allowing Muslim men to have more than one spouse while denying the same ?right? to women. Let me first state emphatically, that the foundation of an Islamic society is justice and equity. Allah has created men and women as equal, but with different capabilities and different responsibilities. Men and women are different, physiologically and psychologically. Their roles and responsibilities are different. Men and women are equal in Islam, but not identical.
The following points enumerate the reasons why polyandry is prohibited in Islam:
1. If a man has more than one wife, the parents of the children born of such marriages can easily be identified. The father as well as the mother can easily be identified. In case of a woman marrying more than one husband, only the mother of the children born of such marriages will be identified and not the father. Islam gives tremendous importance to the identification of both parents, mother and father. Psychologists tell us that children who do not know their parents, especially their father undergo severe mental trauma and disturbances. Often they have an unhappy childhood. It is for this reason that the children of prostitutes do not have a healthy childhood. If a child born of such wedlock is admitted in school, and when the mother is asked the name of the father, she would have to give two or more names! I am aware that recent advances in science have made it possible for both the mother and father to be identified with the help of genetic testing. Thus this point which was applicable for the past may not be applicable for the present.
2. Man is more polygamous by nature as compared to a woman.
Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical
Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million females in U.S.A who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain, 5 million females in Germany and nine million females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband. Suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women living in USA, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women in USA. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes 'public property'. There is no other option. All those who are modest will opt for the first. Most wome would nto like to share their husband with other women. But in Islam when the situation deems it really neccessary Muslim women in due faith could bear a small personal loss to prevent a greater loss of letting other Muslim sisters becoming 'public properties'.
Marring a married man preferable to becoming 'public property'
In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.
Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband is to marry a married man or to become 'public property'. Islam prefers giving women the honourable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second. There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women.
Definition of Polygamy
Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one
spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries
more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries
more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry
is completely prohibited.
Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife?
Qur?an is the only religious book on the face of the earth :
that says ?marry only one?. The context of this phrase is the following verse from
Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur?an:
?Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that
ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one.?
Before the Qur?an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them.
In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says:
?Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women....?
Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.
Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do?s and Don?ts:
(i) ?Fard? i.e. compulsory or obligatory
(ii) ?Mustahab? i.e. recommended or encouraged
(iii) ?Mubah? i.e. permissible or allowed
(iv) ?Makruh? i.e. not recommended or discouraged
(v) ?Haraam? i.e. prohibited or forbidden
Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife.
(To be contd as less space)
i feel compelled to answer you with a great explanation i heard ,and hope inshaa-ALLAH it sattisfies your question.
you see if u have one jug and four cups ,once you pour it is easy to see the origin,but if you reverse the process , ie pouring four cups into one jug you can never know which liquid came from which cup
may ALLAH guide us all inshaa-ALLAH
and may this not stop you learning more about the beautifull deen of islam
Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, No. 1, Narrated Anas bin Malik
A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet May Allah's peace and blessings be upon him asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)."
Notice that an nabi SAWS said I marry women, not I marry woman. So the answer clearly to this blog is that yes men can marry more than one wife.
No the two greatest sins are shirk and disobeying the parents.
Adultry is a major sin, but divorce is the only thing Allah allows that he hates. But it isn't a sin. An nabi SAWS divorced, so if it were a major sin or even just a sin, Allah would have corrected him. Allah would not allowed him to divorce some of the companions from their wife(s). Also their was a companion who was married to 70 women. He lined-up all four of his wives, and divorced them all at once. And he remarried. Now if divorce was haraam, no sahaaba would allow this sahaaba to marry their daughter, but they did.
sweetsufia write: did i read right.... you already married a second wife, and then divorced her....now looking for a for a 2ND second wife??? If this is the case (just my opinion) maybe you can not handle all that comes with being a husband of two. it is written in Quran if unable then take only one, no shame in that....Is it not true the two greatest sins are Adultery and Divorce? just asking...........
Yes you read correctly but you didn't put all of the pieces together. I won't go into her behavior and sins past what I've already said, but I will say that that behavior and those sins wouldn't be tolerated by most right minded muslims, and since I use to be a kafr, most kufar.
You see when a sit down takes place, the people are supposed to see if they match. Are supposed to see if the other appeals to them. So on and so forth. Your not supposed to mislead the potential spouse in any way. No one that I sought council from, or who knows both sides of the story could or would ever think of placing any blame on me masha Allah. The point is that when ever someone wants to do evil, say evil, and be evil, the only thing you can do is advise with the Qur'an and sunnah according to how the 1st three generations understood and acted. If the person chooses to listen and adhere to this, alhamdulilah, if they don't alhamdulilah. We can't make people act according to this deen since we are not in positions of authority. And even still, we can't control the heart, only Allah controls the heart.
sister sweet sufia, i can defiantly say that i know the ans war to Ur question.
adultery is a sin but divorce is not...this is because Allah (SWT)does not like divorce, but it is best to divorce if it prevents suffering. the holy prophet (pbuh) once said that the biggest disease is the dies ease of the mind, when the mind is stressed then the whole body is stressed, and it is a sin to hurt ones self knowing very well that it is not right.
oh dear...u know what bro i have a really bad habit of sussing ppl out especially when i can sense where they are coming from.
as for u marrying a 2nd wife n then leaving her...well why did u marry in the first place.. why was u so frustrated?...doesn't the first sister do ur house work and tell u when and where she is going out, tell me bro do u wish to marry someone who really is brain dead or some one who does have the intelligence to blossom?
i mean u say ur 2nd wife created probs with u n ur family...like wot...it would be interesting to know...if u dare...or are u the one to hide????..come on bro be a man n tell us wot problems she created 4 u..i promise not to be biased. after all my dad was married twice.
and i really can understand why some brothers choose to marry twice, but in most cases i see that when a brother does marry twice he feels that he should dominate that wife and the first...nothing of how the prophet (pbuh) treated his wives, most men think that they are right, but in fact in most cases they are not.
would u prefer to have a wife who knows more deen then urself bro?....do u think that u can handle a women like that?...or dont u like strong minded women?
pagaly write: i think that ur looking 4 wife no 2 bro...seems to me like u are not succeding at the moment
lol...kind of. I continue to look for a wife, but not with the determination I once had. After my having a second wife and all of the problems she caused among my family and friends, I'm a bit slow at proceeding in marrying again. Not saying that all women are like her, but most muslims in general don't know this religion. And when given the proofs, they seem to care less. That worries me greatly, that I my marry another sister who says she is one way and I find afterward she isn't that religious and loves her ignorance. I don't want my children to be around such people, nor do I want to have children with such a person.
Also to note is the fact the an nabi Muhammad SAWS said marry and have plenty babies because he SAWS wants a large ummah on the day of judgement. It really has nothing to do with helping the family by numbers. Also there are more Muslims who are not Arab than Arab.
Also Allah created men to have stronger drives than women...this is the norm. So in this case it has nothing to do with the wife. She do all that she can legally for him, yet he will still want another. Eventhough she truly pleases him. This is how Allah created the man. There is nothing that can help this other than what Allah prescribed. That is marrying more than one wife if one is able, maxing at 4. And fasting if unable, or if 4 is not enough and/or you have no slaves.
Allah did not allow plural marriage only because of wars. Men having more than one wife was the norm long before an nabi Muhammad SAWS. There were other nabi who had more than one wife. In the bible "old testiment", according to what we can read today, the law states that if a man dies and leaves a wife, the brother of that man us to marry her. That is the law for the Jews, by the way they were still practicing this plural marriage act during the time of 'isa(Jesus). Christians after the coming of 'isa practise this even up to today. Even people not of the book practise plural marriage.
Point is, this is a common act that still has (in some ways even more) a place today.