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Degrees
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Posted on Sun, Jan 28, 2007 06:57

What's the deal on this? I've seen lots of sisters want a brother that has a piece of paper...Why? Does having a degree really make the man more capable of taking care of a sister? Or is it really what "I" think it is, that is a status thing?

Why do I say that? Well most brothers that "I've" meet with degree(s) seriously lack in their deen. They treat the deen as a thing that's only good for what they themselves agree with. So when you look at them, they generally have no beard, their pants legs are below their ankles, so on and so forth. This is a reflection of their understanding of Tawheed. They don't know Tawheed so they have no taqwaa. And this is the type of brother most sisters want to marry.

Now I've met brothers that have degrees in deen, and/or have studied under a scholar. The problems they seem to have is the same, sisters want them because of status. It's just that their knowledge is in deen not dunya.

I've also met many brothers who have no degree, work hard and make a halal living. Yet these brothers find it very difficult to find a wife. Doesn't matter how much Qur'an and/or hadith they know. They just don't have that ba, ma, ph or whatever.

So sisters can you give me and all of the brothers in this deen a valid reason why we must have a degree to marry you?



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Posted on Sun, Aug 19, 2007 00:51

That is a good question (because I admit education is important to me). Brother, it is a matter of compatibility, or opportunity. Sisters who want an educated man are 1) educated themselves or 2) want a man to provide well for them. I can't speak to the latter but education is important to me because it means that I have something in common with my partner. That we can talk about many things, because we do live in this world and must make something of it.

Oh, and there is something to be said about a Muslim man who is educated and unprejudiced, lacking an air of superiority based on the length of one's pants. You can't get very far in the world if you hate everyone who is unlike you (but who would want to do that anyway?).



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Posted on Mon, Feb 12, 2007 04:24

pagaly write:
THANK YOU BROTHER FOR UR KIND COMMENTS

as for my hope focused in the wrong direction, personally i think that uare wrong bro, coz u dont know me and i really dont think that just by reading someones suggestions on a forum one can come to a conclision.....ok agreed that it may have looked like this but honestly my first requirment for a son and a daughter in law is how much of the deen do they know, eveything else comes 2nd.

Re:





Correct, I don't know you, just what I read on this forum. Your situation could be a little better than you say it is, or it could be extremely worse. Sometimes the people in the mix have the hardest time gauging what's really going on. But even with that all of our hope should be focused in Allah. The focus is taqwaa Allah, and following His Messenger Muhammad SAWS. This is the only road to success there is. If we place our hope into anything else, this is shirk. Whether minor or major that is what it is. So even if one obtains that which he seeks, if the focus is incorrect how could there ever be any success in it? I'm not saying that we can't plan in hopes of making things better, that's not my point. My point is that Allah is the One that makes things better. Ex. When we take medicine, it is not the medicine that cures, Allah cures. The medicine was just a means to that path of being cured. So even though we take the medicine our focus is on Allah's aiding us in our times of need. This applies accross the board. May Allah make us successful openly and inwardly, ameen.



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Posted on Sun, Feb 11, 2007 05:14

THANK YOU BROTHER FOR UR KIND COMMENTS

as for my hope focused in the wrong direction, personally i think that uare wrong bro, coz u dont know me and i really dont think that just by reading someones suggestions on a forum one can come to a conclision.....ok agreed that it may have looked like this but honestly my first requirment for a son and a daughter in law is how much of the deen do they know, eveything else comes 2nd.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 09, 2007 17:21

fatima22 write:
Assalamualaikum

To me, it is absolutely necessary that my husband possesses an obvious Degree in EQ (Emotional Intelligence)!

Re:





As salaamu alaikum my dear sister fatima,

Women are very hard to understand. You all were created as emotional creatures, masha Allah, we men weren't. So we may click on some things, but bump heads on most things. That's just how we were created. So be easy on us with the PHD in EQ stuff.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 09, 2007 17:15

Sorry but I can't seem to find the daleel for a women not being able to spend her money without asking her husband's permission. I did come across various opinions over on q and a that touch on this subject. I'll email you the link if you want.

No she does not have to tell him that she is spending his money to take care of needs that he is neglecting. This to is on q and a's site, but they narrate the hadith to this so it is clear.

It is not permissible for the husband to neglect his family, but honoring the parents comes worshipping Allah. I suggest that you contact the ulemaa and tell them your situation. May Allah make it easy for you and your family, ameen.

I appreciate your response on how the brother should be to take your daughter. I agree totally with that view.
It is very sad that some people know deen and not apply it. Q...is it that he knows more about the religion than you, or is it that that's what he is telling you? Again I suggest contacting the ulemaa and telling them your situation.

I look at it a little different. I don't pass anything by anybody. We don't know what a person would do, or how they will be, educated or not. At least that is how I look at it.

I see your point in hoping. But that hope is focused in the wrong direction. The best speech is kitaab Allah, and the best guidance is Muhammad SAWS. Allah gave us all of the answers and ways to get there. An nabi SAWS said that we look at a persons deen and character. If they are good, more than likely you'll be happy. If they are not, most likely you'll be sad. Paper is only paper when matters of deen are concerned.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the best of the hereafter, ameen.



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Posted on Wed, Feb 07, 2007 10:26

Assalamualaikum

To me, it is absolutely necessary that my husband possesses an obvious Degree in EQ (Emotional Intelligence)!



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Posted on Tue, Feb 06, 2007 03:02

salaam brother...lol well said...but i thought that if a women was earning her own money then it is her wishes how she spends her money nothing to do with anyone else, its the husbands money that she has to spend wisely, but like you said that she doesnt have to tell him...hmm i dont know about that bro...my husband doensnt like giving to me its his parents, i live on benefits...his parents take the reep...i have 7 children n in this country i live in poverty...hopefully inshallah when i graduate i will give my children the life they deserve.

as for ur question about whether the guy is earning alot of money whether he has a degree or not...let me correct u there bro...i have 3 daughters...i really dont care whether someone is earning so much money...the problem is he has to be understanding mentally enough to take my daughters hand in marriage.

my farther used to say that one should look at the persons heart not his education...well..my dad was illterate but a really good man...unfortunatley my husband is illterate earning a lot of money and knows deen so much more than me....but he is not a good man...he enjoys torture mentally and physically..im not saying that one can gurantee that if a guy is educated then he will not torture his wife, but one presumes this.

ppl live in hope bro...so that pieace of paper is a sort of hope that the guy is mentally all there.



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Posted on Mon, Feb 05, 2007 09:22

As salaamu alaikum sister,
Lol...that's a good one. Yes it is possible to earn a good wage with that paper, but what about the brothers who are earning those good wages without that piece of paper?
Alhamdulilah it has not been difficult for me and my family most of the time, we all go through test. Before I got my degree I already had six children. Mash Allah my wife does not have to work, and at this point I'm not even using the skills I learned in school. Why? Because mash Allah I make more doing this job than I would working in my field (networking). I do plan on getting a higher degree insha Allah in business info systems, but that is the future and only Allah knows what will take place.
Allah said do not kill your babies due to fear from poverty...He is the One that provides to all. An nabi SAWS said get married and have lots of babies, marry the women who are furtle.
A wife is not allowed to spend even her own money without asking the permission of her husband. So how can she mishandle the money? Let me correct that...she can spend his money without his knowledge if he is not properly providing for her/them. She can give charity if she chooses.
Anywayz, depending on the level the brother, the sister, or both try to live on things could be very easy or very hard.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 02, 2007 07:02

so that u can earn a good wage because sooo many brothers like u and anyone else feel that we should have more than 2 children, so when it comes to paying for their expenses u start moaning at the wife for not looking after ur money....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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