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i need advice please could anyone help
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Posted on Thu, Jun 21, 2007 06:51

Salaam sisters

i am very upset and really would like someone to help me or give me any advice. I Recently got married my mother in law is making me very unhappy always trying to pick arguments with me i dont know what to do . I keep aplogising to her every time even when i know shes in the wrong i feel i cant do anything right. i feel very depressed please give me some advice



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Posted on Wed, May 19, 2010 13:39

As a muslim we must learn to be extremely patient, I know sister that will seem very hard at times. I have a mother in law however never met my in laws, my husband has never introduced me to them and we have been married for 10 months. so not sure if that is a good thing, however when you have a husband like mine he fills the gaps so you never miss your mother in law..

I will pray Allah Pak gives you the patience to deal with the problems, the other sisters have advised you to talk to your mother in law, sometimes rather than words gestures are more effective.



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Posted on Fri, Jul 27, 2007 02:52

salaam sister sahar,

i really can understand how you feel ...i still have problems with my mother in law..i used to see her as a friend and i never said anything bad to her or about her..i dont know about your story but i knew what my mother in laws intentions where. having said that i dont think that all mother in laws are like that although i havent come across any..all i can say is from experiance it would be more than likely that your mother in law feels abandonment from your presence, its hard to belive but being a mother also i can honestly say that most mothers think that their sons will not love them any more and that they would think that they care about their wives more, its a silly thing to think then again thats human nature..you would always find that in most cases.

the advice i can give to you is to take your mother in laws critisms with a pinch of salt..you dont have to say anything to her coz sometimes confrotations can be negative..it could help if you would ask for some advice like cooking or invite her to go shopping with you or ask advise on any other matter that way she will feel that she is a part of the family again..however if the arguments still continue then sit down with her and tell her how you feel and that you would also like to hve a mother and daughter realtionship with her...im sure she would be happy...like i said not all mother in laws are like my mother in law.

remeber one thing though i have seen and heard so many women give their husbands ultimatums about who to choose...i sujest that you dont go to this extend if the heat is turned on but learn to tolerate and give her some time. after all a mother and son's realtionship is something Allah SWT has made very special.,

i hope this helps.
tc ws



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Posted on Fri, Jun 29, 2007 04:40

as salaamu alaikum

Sister Sahar i agree with mrs cook.
hte only way to resolve is to talk about it.

maybe take her out for coffee or shopping.. or do somethign that she likes and then discuss it... that u are new to this and you appreciate her advice, but sometimes you feel scolded, it upsets you, etc...

looking at my family, i think that initially it si very hard for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to be buddy buddy. maybe its insecurities on one or both sides... nevertheless, if handled appropriately, it can be resolved, insha'Allah.

May Allah make it easy fro you. AMEEN.



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Posted on Sun, Jun 24, 2007 19:19

the only adviced that I hope will work for you is to sit down and have a long discussion with your mother-in-law. even though it may seem impossible at the moment, you need to share with her your feelings and vice versa. however, please try to understand that she probably only does it with the best of intent! I have a very forthcoming mother-in-law as well, however we have been quite open and are able to compromise! I enjoy her concern and insight and she enjoys being able to put her cents in as well. its hard be a mother-in-law too. it can be difficult to forge a relationship with someone you dont know well.

hope this helps!



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