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Is it wrong to DIVORCE?
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Posted on Mon, Jul 23, 2007 23:30

I'll give you my story and you give me advise because my mind has been going crazy with the thought that Allah may curse me.
1) I met a woman through friends and family and started to communicate with her.
2) I traveled to Nice, France to visit her and her family. After the first day with her, I didn't feel a connection and in the Hotel I prayed to Allah to give me guidance. To let me know if this is the woman for me. To create a family with and grow old with. Before I left they cornered me and her and asked if we wanted each other. I said yes. She said yes.
3) While I was back at home, I had time to think about it and decided that I didn't want to get married with her. I just didn't feel it. But then my mother started to threaten me and tell me that my family would never speak to me if I didn't marry her. She started crying and saying that she loved her.

4) Before the plane left for Algeria for me to go get married, I was sitting in my apartment an hour before the flight would take off praying to Allay and asking him if it is the right thing to do. Please give me a sign. Obviously, the sign was in front of my face. If it was bothering me that much, it should have not went to Algeria. I left.

5) When I got to Algeria and was staying at her family's house. I knew I didn't want to get married with her. When we went out for a walk, I told her that and she just started crying and begging me to go through with the marriage. She then said that we could pretend and after a year in America, we can go our own ways. What was I to do. Her entire family was around me. They pushed me through the entire wedding and when it was time to get on the plane, about 7 of them came along to the airport with us.

6) When we got to America, I took off and she stayed with my mother. For the next three (3) years, her and my mother kept pressuring me to marry her in America and I refused. My mother then hired a lawyer to threaten me to marry her. He said it was a PROMISE and that's why sh..



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Posted on Mon, Aug 20, 2007 18:24

salaam i agree with the sister,

however i think that it is easy to point a finger and tell some one to be a man or women for that matter but the truth in reality is that this kinda pressure exist today no matter how much we ignore it.

there have been so many forced marriages..u hear about them and read in the papers not only that also books about this as well take zana mushen..her book ' sold'unfortunatley is a true reality which exists today...i can remeber watching the news when zana was on..i have friend around me who have gone through the same problems..one incident was of a young boy whose father told him that he was to marry a cousin abroad..the boy told them that he wasnt ready for marriage but his father didnt agree..so he took his son abroad telling him that they would go on a holiday..promising that he would not get him married off..what happend was that they boy went and found that wedding preprations were being set up for him to marry his cousin..although he protested his father started to talk about his repetation in the family..so just for his fathers sake he got married..when he returned back to the uk..he left home set up home with his non muslim girlfriend and married her and had children.

the girl abroad had to divorce but would not get married to anyone else so the father did the same with the younger son..only this time marrying him off to his eldest sons ex...the younger bro is now havin an affair with a non muslim..
its sad to know but i personelly feel that parents should practise the religioun how it is meant to be..mothers know that janna lies beneath their feet..but should not put their children in a postion where they have to choose.
another friend of mine had to marry an old man..she was 18 n he was 55..she had to do this because her eldest sister refused to marry him and her father said to the boys family that if his pregant wife has a girl then he would marry her off to him..he did so after 18 years.



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Posted on Sun, Aug 19, 2007 00:17

What could you do? Well, the blunt answer is to be a man. If you really were doing things to please other people you would have your wife, whom you did marry Islamically, in your house and you would be working it out. Even if it didn't work out at least you were honorable enough to fulfill your commitment (which according to her was only a year). But instead you wouldn't marry her legally to prevent her from holding you legally responsible for your actions. Doesn't bode well for you (especially as Allah answers the du'a of the oppressed). You should be more concerned about what your actions thus far will engender, from Allah.

Sorry brother but you were wrong. Are you willing to make it right?



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Posted on Wed, Jul 25, 2007 16:36

slm brother

after reading you story all i can say to you is dont marry the women, personally i felt that she only married to get into america, its plain obvious that she did from the very begining and the fact that she was confused as to what you had wanted.

having said that lets pressume that she only wanted to get out maybe because of her family or because she must of felt shame coz you didnt like her, lets just say that was the reason.

because she promised you that the both of you would pretend and then you would go your own ways.

being a 2nd year law student i can confidently say to you that you did not make her a promise because you did not have the mens rea (guilty mind) only confused about marrying her and that you had told her that. however she had the actus rea(guilty act) and had already made up plans in her head to settle in america. however due to family pressure for you (i think) you coaxed you into the contract for having a marriage of convience. her convience was to settle in america and yours was to get away from her.

the contract took a U-turn with ur mom being a good muslim assuming that her son was at fault so she hired the iggronanat attorney who i assume is someone your mom knows or has paid to do as she asks.

the laws of Sharia(word of god) says that a marriage is not a marriage if both the bride and the groom dont accept, therefore no one can force you to marry her and Allah SWT is the all knowing and forgiving.

your female friend wants to have her cake and eat it, and your mother like all moms knows what to do n say to get her son to do as she says.

if you read about the prophet ibrahaime you would also know that Allah SWT has also given children the right to guide their misunderstanding parents. you are not expected to do anything that is not permissible in islam.

if you marry this girl only because your mom wants you to then it is haram. but if she has knowledge of islam n is a good muslim then think twice,



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