Dealing with "Baby Mama Drama" after 17 years of marriage marriage Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Dec 06, 2009 at 05:37 PM


    I am looking for advice or insight to my problme. Just a little background: my husband and I have been married 12 1/2 years and have been Muslim for about 14 years. We both have children; me ( from previous marriage) and him a daugher from a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in another state. The problem is that mother of his daughter who is now almost 18 has never shown me the respect of being his wife since we have been together. My husband is a practicing Muslim until it comes to dealing with this woman. I understand that when two people are parents even if they do not stay together, there has to be communication to raise the child. Before we got married my husband told me that she always caused problems in his relationships by using the child to get her way. I made an effort to communicate with her and get along with her, even taking on the responsibility of helping my husband raise his daughter for 10 years until two years ago when we sent her back to her mother.He allows her to say and do things that are inappropriated for a non married male and female to say and do. When I try to talk to him about it, he always has an excuse as to why he allows her to disrespect first it was because he felt they had to be "friends" to be good parents, then later it was he let her get away with things so she would not raise his child support. Now that she is almost out of high school, he has no excuse, he just asks like I am insecure and imagining things...I love my husband and want to stay married, but I am tired of being second best. I try to pray and just when I think I am able to handle things, something else comes up...the latest is that when their child comes to visit for the holidays, she asked my husband if her son from another relationship can come to stay...she never has to speak to me woman to woman, just ask him for what he wants and he agrees to anything she asks...when I talked to him about this...he tried to make it seem as if I had something against the child...I don't even know this child, it bothers me that she can send her child for me to take care of just because she asks him.

    I need some advice Please.
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  • View author's info Posted on Dec 18, 2009 at 04:26 PM

    Asalaam sister. This is a very difficult one to have to deal with & I pray that Allah gives you the strength & patience to deal with it.

    Now that his daughter is about grown - there should be less and less communication with the exwife. What would be there to talk about? That is what I would be thinking. Of course - there will be times that there need to be.

    You are his wife & he should respect you & your feelings.

    I wish you the best. Hugs.
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