Muslim Blogs > Saiquan118's blogs > A Day Late and $442.00 Short

A Day Late and $442.00 Short

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As Salaamu Alaikum. Social Services is a trip! I called and called and called today trying to speak to someone regarding why my food stamps had'nt showed up,we have absolutely no food in the house and i have three chunky ass kids that have to eat. it is the week end and i'm not trying to hear about what they can do for me on monday! I went down there and sat for 4 hours before someone finally came out to see me, by then I was heated and I swore that when I saw her I was going to let her ass have it! But insted of my usual worker coming out they sent someone else and when i saw the beauty of this chick, felt like my anxiety and all the frustrations I had accumulated in the last 4 hours just disolved completely!I had to lower my gaze and guard my modesty.

Struggling to keep my mind on my money i greeted her with a smile making it obvious that I was feeling her though.But to make along story short, she fixed the issue and said that we should have our benifits after 6:00PM. My babies will be excited about that. I'll take them to WALMART later then I'll come back and concoct some shit for us to eat. I'm new at cooking so my shit be looking kind of wierd at times and the kids be asking what is this!? I quickly mumble"Some sh** yo mama taught me how to make ,sit down and eat." Then theres a moment of silence before the forks starting touching their plates.

My story begins here: I was born Saiquan Appleberry in Rochester, New York Jan 18, 19**
I'm the eldest of seven brothers and two sisters. My mom and dad seperated in a bitter divorced when i was 16 when my father had finally caught up with my mom's infidelities. One night my brothers and I watched as my father repeatedly beat her about the head with the butt of a 38.caliber until blood ran down her face like a faucet. Not knowing what to do we yanked and pulled on him until he drop the gun. I picked it up and aimed it at him and screamed,"Daddy! don't hit her no more!" He grabbed a loc of her hair and starred at me in a way I will never forget, Like he was going to kill me if he got his hand on that gun and he snarled," Oh you gon protect ur momma knowing she was cheating on me?" By this time I was trimbling! I knew I had to talk tough fast so i told him to let her hair go and leave the house right now! that is when he grabbed the center piece from the table and motioned like he was going to crack momma's skull and that is when I shot him.

During this entire time my brothers my sister's and even my mom were yelling and crying and asking me to drop the gun But daddy was mad at me and when the shot hit him he slammed into the wall and almost as if he was wearing a vest he shook it off and charged at me and i hit him another time and that is when he fell to the floor. The house was in total chaos! This was the worst night of my life! Over the years for my family some wounds have healed and some remain open. My daddy loves me still and has forgiven me but everytime I see him I wanna cry. He see's this and tells me not to get mushy and soothes my guilt by telling me he would have done the same thing to any nigga hittin on his momma. But he isn't any nigga he's my father! *****Tears are in the wells of my eye's*******As salaamu alaikum!

Tomarrows anutha day.
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Yes dear When your dady is no more like any one else that is the time when you would feel the pinch of your guilt harder.You also ask "Allah" for forgiveness and his mercy and indeed it will be replaced by some thing excelent indeed. Believe me!!!
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you've really got some interesting experiences to share.

anyway these are all life's challenges.

let's put it this way. if God thought you couldn't handle it,
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I read your story and it really touched me. I had a real rough childhood too. I do think there is that there is reasons why Allah makes some have hard times growing up. Maybe you should work in an outreach service, counclor or something to that nature. When you can truely relate to someone compassion tends to do the rest. I hope Allah will help you.
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Wow U went thru alot. I send my sorrows.