Muslim Blogs > Saiquan118's blogs > I'd rather die!

I'd rather die!

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Today, I had to go down to the Federal building to see probation. I just got off probation and now I'm back on it. I'm pissed! How did I get myself in this sh**! Anyways i had to get my photo take a piss test for drugs and finger prints. I'am so ashamed of myself I dare not face anyone. how could I allow this to happen? (sigh)***tears******soooooo....The attorney wants 1500 to take the case.I don't have $1500.00! there are no positive options to getting that type of money. Listen to me...I'am in trouble! When the kids came from school today...each one that came through that door screamed my name (hoping I was home). Me and my 15 year old whose aspiring to become a pediatrician cried together because now we have to wonder if I will be picked up again. I can't leave the house or they are blowing up the cell. what am i going to do? I pray once again and ask Allah to forgive me. I feel so stupid. I cannot bare the idea of living without my children..I'd rather die!because they are my life and the reason I breath.
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seems like you found yourself between a rock and a hard place.

but really, God wouldn't have thrown these sort if He thinks you couldn't handle them.

so be strong, think clear, have faith.

things will work out for you and your family.
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i love your words
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what are you talking about?
I can't understand.
can you speak Malay?
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hello friends assalamu alaikum to all i will wait 4 ur emails my email;

i am from kerala god's own country....
ever waiting friend....
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Sister Kidda, it is a blessing to hear your words today.Thank you.Truly refreshing. You sent a message to me and it just happened to have been the topic of Jumuah today. That is a beautiful thing. Am I walking on the right path or what. My god sister! you are so wise. I truly admire your words in respects to the deen. A muslim sister is a beautiful thing. May Allah bless you with a brother that meets your faith with the same intensity.
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Awww this is really sad brother. I feel for you. I don't have children but I can just imagine how hard it can be to be apart from them. I will make duaa for you that everything works out. Don't beat yourself up about what happenened, instead learn from it, ask for forgiveness, and never repeat it. All human action both good and bad is a matter of choice. Prophet Mohammed (sallahu aliah waa selem) taught that all of the children of Adam erred. But the best among us are those that repent. Sincere repentence is what will be your saving grace. Asalalmu Alaykum.