I went to jumuah today. i was late because someone that i trusted came into my house and stole my watch. I was so upset i risk being late for service to go and talk to that piece of trash. i paid almost $500.00 for that watch I'm pissed. I trusted him in my house. i did not find him and I was late. i just made it in time for prayer.al-Hamduallah. I don't know what i might do if I see him. I'm trying to get my life right with Allah and just when I'm begining to make some progress something like this happens.I'am really upset!
However, my children went to prayer with me. we made prayer and left. I'm teaching my 11 year old daughter how to make her salat and she is excited about that. Praise be to allah.
aSSALAAMUALAIKUM! TOO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN JUST A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. WHERE DO I START?! FIRST, I BOUGHT A LOTTERY TICKET AND WON A COUPLE MILLION DOLLARS AND SINCE THEN i HAVE BEEN DOING A TON OF THINGS!!! i'M STARTING MY OWN CLOTHING LINE WHICH WAS SOMETHING i HAD BEEN WORKING ON BEFORE i CAME INTO MONEY,AND i'M JUST PUTTING ALOT OF MONEY AWAY FOR THE KIDS EDUCATIONS AS WELL AS ALL MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS THAT PLAN TO GO TO COLLEGE.I BOUGHT A NICE BIG HOME $667,000 DOLLARS. i'M ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH EVERYSQUARE INCH OF IT! MY CHILDREN LOVE IT AS WELL. iT'S FUNNY HOW i WAS JUST READING MY BLOGS FROM THE PAST AND I WAS STEALING TO FEED US AT TIMES AND NOW i HAVE MORE THAN WE WILL EVER NEED. LIFE IS CRAZY! BUT ALL PRAISE IS DUE TO ALLAH. i GUESS I WON'T WORRY ABOUT FINDING LOVE NOW,BECAUSE IF IT COMES NOW I'LL NEVER KNOW IF IT IS FOR ME OR BECAUSE OF MY LIFE NOW. MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD I WANTED A WOMAN I COULD BE HAPPY WITH A WOMAN WITH VIRTUE, FEAR OF ALLAH AND A BODY OUT OF THIS WORLD! FULL FIGURED OF COURSE! I LOVE BIG WOMAN ALTHOUGH I'M AN ADVERAGE SIZE MAN. ANYWAYS ENUFF OF THAT. THIS IS THE LIFE I WANTED AND NOW I HAVE IT. i'LL HAVE TO UPLOAD SOME PHOTOS BECAUSE YOU GUYS WILL NEVER BELIEVE THE LIFE THAT I'M LIVING. UNTIL LATER, I LOVE YOU ALL. MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU ON THE RIGHT PATH,ASALAAMUALAIKUM!!!!
i have not been on line for a while because i have been busy trying to finish my clothing collection for Juelz Santana,he's a popular hiphop rapper. so those who have been wondering where I'am. I'm still here and I'll be back soon.Enshallah.
May Allah forgive me but me and my children were hungry tonight and we had no clue where food was going to come from and so I decided the best thing to do was to go to the store and ask the manager if I could have a few things to feed my family. He looked at me totally disgusted and replied,"what?!" (as though he didn't hear me)he stuttered,"I can't do that,are you on crack?"he asked, upset.
That pissed me off and I walked away from him because I did not want to punch him in the mouth. And as I walked away i said ,"I'm taking a couple of things to feed my children,if you don't like it have a cop by the door when I'm done!"
Needless to say, he watched as I walked out the store with a gallon of milk,a loaf of bread and a dozen eggs. Was I wrong?
As Salaamu Alaikum. Social Services is a trip! I called and called and called today trying to speak to someone regarding why my food stamps had'nt showed up,we have absolutely no food in the house and i have three chunky ass kids that have to eat. it is the week end and i'm not trying to hear about what they can do for me on monday! I went down there and sat for 4 hours before someone finally came out to see me, by then I was heated and I swore that when I saw her I was going to let her ass have it! But insted of my usual worker coming out they sent someone else and when i saw the beauty of this chick, felt like my anxiety and all the frustrations I had accumulated in the last 4 hours just disolved completely!I had to lower my gaze and guard my modesty.
Struggling to keep my mind on my money i greeted her with a smile making it obvious that I was feeling her though.But to make along story short, she fixed the issue and said that we should have our benifits after 6:00PM. My babies will be excited about that. I'll take them to WALMART later then I'll come back and concoct some shit for us to eat. I'm new at cooking so my shit be looking kind of wierd at times and the kids be asking what is this!? I quickly mumble"Some sh** yo mama taught me how to make ,sit down and eat." Then theres a moment of silence before the forks starting touching their plates.
My story begins here: I was born Saiquan Appleberry in Rochester, New York Jan 18, 19**
I'm the eldest of seven brothers and two sisters. My mom and dad seperated in a bitter divorced when i was 16 when my father had finally caught up with my mom's infidelities. One night my brothers and I watched as my father repeatedly beat her about the head with the butt of a 38.caliber until blood ran down her face like a faucet. Not knowing what to do we yanked and pulled on him until he drop the gun. I picked it up and aimed it at him and screamed,"Daddy! don't hit her no more!" He grabbed a loc of her hair and starred at me in a way I will never forget, Like he was going to kill me if he got his hand on that gun and he snarled," Oh you gon protect ur momma knowing she was cheating on me?" By this time I was trimbling! I knew I had to talk tough fast so i told him to let her hair go and leave the house right now! that is when he grabbed the center piece from the table and motioned like he was going to crack momma's skull and that is when I shot him.
During this entire time my brothers my sister's and even my mom were yelling and crying and asking me to drop the gun But daddy was mad at me and when the shot hit him he slammed into the wall and almost as if he was wearing a vest he shook it off and charged at me and i hit him another time and that is when he fell to the floor. The house was in total chaos! This was the worst night of my life! Over the years for my family some wounds have healed and some remain open. My daddy loves me still and has forgiven me but everytime I see him I wanna cry. He see's this and tells me not to get mushy and soothes my guilt by telling me he would have done the same thing to any nigga hittin on his momma. But he isn't any nigga he's my father! *****Tears are in the wells of my eye's*******As salaamu alaikum!
Tomarrows anutha day.
I got some nice comments from people and I just want to say thank you to all of you for your encouraging words.
Nothing much up at all today. It's still early yet so you never can tell what the day is going to be like. I made fadjr Prayer late so I'm sad about that. I hope that Allah(swt) will accept it.I'll be back later...this is just a short blog to say goodmorning and ask Allah to protect and have mercy on every last Muslimfriend. The word of the day is going to be repent,because it is a blessing to be able to wake this morning and seek Allah's mercy again and if we do that...it's just another step closer to Paradise.
WoW! Well today was quite the day. I got a call from Jewelz Santana's mother, he's a popular rapper from the diplomats out of Harlem and she saw some of my designs and wants me to design for Santana's clothing line. Wow! I'm excited about that. I mean I always wanted to launch my own line but Alhamduillah, I will work for another line and be just as content.Enshallah. Of course I'm not sure about moving my family to Harlem but again it depends on the type of agreement we make. Right now I'm working on his company logo so that i can incorporate it into his line. you guys don't want to hear this huh? Well,other than that...It's all good. My legal situation stresses me a little but I've got to hold myself together because my children are watching. I still need an attorney, I explained to Debbie(Santana's mom) my legal situation and she was like people make mistakes and she still wants to do business with me. Although she did mention that nothing happens over night I respected that. But you know in legal matters time is of the essence! i need an attorney now. She said she could not afford to give me a million for my patent but offered me a partnership. Do you want to see the cap i created that got her attention? it should be attached. do you see it? I have nearly 40 styles of that hat! And the only people wearing them right now is myself and the Diplomats. They are called Bangoonies.And you are getting to much info right now. As Salaamu Alaikum!
My mom drove up from Buffalo to see me today. Alhamduillah. she spoke to me again about the snakes I deal with and warned me about trusting people and reminds me of how many people are snitches. She is ashamed of my decisions. And i'm sad to disappoint my mom and myself. my brother called me from Atlanta and he spoke to me about staying on the straight path that leads to Allah and reminded me that I should being trying to be the muslim that Allah loves and getting to paradise. They have left me with quite a bit to think about.
I woke up at 4:00 this morning and I realize something! That the ad I placed in the paper was an admission of guilt! I just published in the local newspaper that I'm guilty! How stupid can i be. That could be used against me in court. I feel so Foolish!
I'm cancelling it immediatey!!!
As Salaamu Alikum Kidda!
Sister Kidda, it is a blessing to hear your words today.Thank you.Truly refreshing. You sent a message to me and it just happened to have been the topic of Jumuah today. That is a beautiful thing. Am I walking on the right path or what. My god sister! you are so wise. I truly admire your words in respects to the deen. A muslim sister is a beautiful thing. May Allah bless you with a brother that meets your faith with the same intensity.
I went to Jumah today and the Khutbah was about seeking repentance with allah for thw sins you commit. The Imam said:that anyone seeking repentance with god needs to observe 3 things: one is that they must feel remorseful about the sin or wrong they have committed, and second is they must immediately cease all or any activity liken to it, and lastly they must make intentions with god to never do it again and mean it from the heart. I have sought his forgiveness.
Today i taught my 11 year old daughter the 5 pillars of faith and she was very excited about learning.
I had a pretty good day..my ad is in the paper. I mentioned it to you yesterday. No calls Yet.
As Salaamu Alaikum! I read the most interesting blog today and i didn't imagine someone out there feeling the way I do. But Kidda does. She is experiencing alot of the same emotions. You are the reason i love my muslim sisters. Kidda, I would love friendship. trust me for a friend Enshallah. Allah be my witness,i never really have to see you I would just enjoy talking to you Enshallah. I'll chk ur blog again.
As silly as it may sound I'm doing it! I'm placing an ad in the local paper and I'm going to see if anyone will help me. I need an attorney and so I have decided to ask for it. it reads as follows:
remorseful father of 3
needs an attorney.
Made terriable decision
broke the law
risk jail,losing children.
I felt like this: If I did not at least try and reach out for help by asking I would probably find myself in a worse situation trying to get the money I needed to get through this mistake.
Today, I had to go down to the Federal building to see probation. I just got off probation and now I'm back on it. I'm pissed! How did I get myself in this sh**! Anyways i had to get my photo take a piss test for drugs and finger prints. I'am so ashamed of myself I dare not face anyone. how could I allow this to happen? (sigh)***tears******soooooo....The attorney wants 1500 to take the case.I don't have $1500.00! there are no positive options to getting that type of money. Listen to me...I'am in trouble! When the kids came from school today...each one that came through that door screamed my name (hoping I was home). Me and my 15 year old whose aspiring to become a pediatrician cried together because now we have to wonder if I will be picked up again. I can't leave the house or they are blowing up the cell. what am i going to do? I pray once again and ask Allah to forgive me. I feel so stupid. I cannot bare the idea of living without my children..I'd rather die!because they are my life and the reason I breath.
What stands out most in mind from all the things I did or thought about today and I would have to admit that the thing that stands out most was the fact that my childrens mother was just sentenced to 5 years and I probably could have prevented it. I'm angry with myself!I knew that she was headed down the wrong road and I believe that i could have done more to help her avoid prison but I was so wrapped up into my own world I ignored all everything that she was doing. My children will have to pay for this because it is them who have to live without their mother.
Meanwhile I have two other women who are madly inlove with me and all I can think about is e and my children. I'm really thinking twice about being in a relationship,because I don't feel anyone needs me more than my children. I have two girls and a boy. Ages: 11,14 and 15. Although I really want to be loved,be in love and just love someone with every bit of my soul...I'm confused. I think I need help. Someone please offer to take me away from all this and I will worship the ground you walk on. Help me to find love again and all your days will be filled with sunshine. On this I will state my life before my word shall fail. Look no more for opportunity has knocked. I'am here.
Today was a very relaxful type of day. I worked on a few of my Bangoony caps(these caps that I created and have a patent on that have bandanas fixed to them. I had a very large company call and express and interest in buying the patent. Certainly will be over a million dollars for over 30 designs. I can't wait.I'm very excited. Tomarrow is Monday..I wonder what it holds. i met a lady today that told me at Walmart to get my life right with God. Is that a sign? I better take heed to that Huh?